1. LISTENING TO LEARN
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2. Listening is… An essential part of communication Not taught in school
A skill that can be learned
How much time do we devote to practice our listening skills? Do we even have them?
Isn’t it interesting that there are public speaking and communications merit badges? Is there a Listening merit badge? Even the BSA falls into the trap we are speaking about.
Note that in this series we have Listening to Learn, Communication and later managing conflict. Given this sequence, what do you think is the key for avoiding the conflict that needs to be managed?
Transition Slide - Why is listening a key skill of Leadership?
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3. Why is Listening a Key Skill of Leadership?
“We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are”
Anais Nin
Author
Connecting
Decision Making
Problem Solving
How does Leadership and listening relate to the quote of Anais Nin
We connect by listening and finding common ground. How often do your scouts really feel listened to?
Could we make better decisions and perhaps solve problems for the last time through more effective listening?
Listening is the glue that connects us and protects us from seeing things the way we are!!
Transition: How much better would we be if we were to (flip slide) Seek first understand and then to be understood?
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4. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
—Stephen Covey
Have them read together aloud…Seek….
We really want the other person to understand this don’t we?
How many times have we found ourselves not listening while the other is speaking, but rather formulating our next point and waiting to pounce in while the other is taking a breath?
Easy to say, but hard to do!
Transition: Let’s look at the components of listening, (Flip slide) Active and Empathetic listening
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5. Two Parts of Effective Listening
Active Listening
Empathetic Listening
Let’s first look into ACTIVE Listening
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6. Active Listening Requires…
Rephrasing and Confirming
Nonjudgmental Attitude
Transition: The second component of effective listening is Empathetic (Flip)
What does this mean that you can do with the more powerful, evolved Pokemon? (What was the name of the Pokemon?)
Rephrase information
I can tell you are excited about this, did you say that ……
How could I make this more of an active listening approach?
I am working on putting the lawn mower back together and really require some focus. My son comes in to tell me about his latest Pokemon evolving in level 50 detail. I respond by saying , uh huh, but remain focused on the task at hand. Active or passive?
Is the following example active or passive listening?
Active Listening: “Engaged in activity; contributing; participating
Keep in mind, this is a tool that can prevent us from seeing things as we are.
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7. Empathetic Listening Requires…
Putting oneself in the speaker’s place
Imagining the speaker’s viewpoint
Understanding the speaker’s feelings
This is the emotional / spiritual part of connecting
The American Heritage Dictionary defines Empathy as “understanding so intimate that the feelings, thought and motives of one are readily comprehended by another.”
Have you ever listened empathetically according to this definition?
The use of body language, tone of voice, expressing / reflecting the actual emotions involved are the kind of things done in empathetic listening.
Back to the example with the lawn mower, what could I do to employ empathetic listening?
Transition: Effective listening is both, active and empathetic, so that hopefully we can avoid misunderstandings such as this….Flip to cartoon and part 2 Exercise
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8. Transition: Now that we know more about active and empathetic listening, how can we monitor ourselves to ensure we use it? (Flip)
Discussion of Role Play:
Exercise in Effective Listening (Consider sending outside for this)
Ask listeners how the speakers responded
Ask speakers what they experienced. How did the reactions of the listeners affect them?
Speakers talk for a minute or two about hobbies, sports or family activity
Listener gets one card from Exercise 2 and keeps the instructions hidden
Invite participants to form pairs. One person is the speaker; the other is the listener.
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9. Monitoring Our Listening Level
Awareness
Adjustments
Powerful Tools
“Ok, I got it…Active and Empathetic, that’s going to be me from now on!” Right? So what happens when we walk away from sessions like this and we just forget?
LIFE HAPPENS!
Being aware of ourselves: We start by at least being aware of our listening or lack of listening habits. In the book, “Scream Free Parenting” the author says, “By focusing on ourselves first, we will have healthier, happier relationships.” Being aware of what how we are really listening is the application here.
Making adjustments with the tools of active and empathetic listening is the application.
Transition: How might these principles and tools be applied in an adversarial situation? Ask for a volunteer (Flip)
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10. Role Play – Listening in Adversarial Situations
As a volunteer to play the role of a Scout who is angry about the way others in his unit are treating him.
The Troop Guide plays the part of a Scout Leader.
As the Scout, expresses his complaints and frustrations, the Scout Leader uses the skills of good listening to acknowledge that the message is being received.
“I got it,” is an appropriate response. So is, “This is what hear you saying…Encourage the Scout to keep talking, but offer no judgment or feedback .
It is very likely that the Scout will focus on the negative, complaining about what he doesn’t like. That’s fine, it is often the way people who are upset express themselves.
The Scout leader says, “I hear what you don’t want. Now tell me what you do want.” Encourage the scout to keep talking, but focus is now on the positive rather than the negative aspects.
Transition: Let’s summarize the principles we have used so far…(Flip)
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11. Listening in Adversarial Situations
Nonjudgmental
Productive Framework
Positive Conversation
Transition: To sum up….(Flip)
Don’t over-indulge on empathy; stay focused (Don’t turn empathy into sympathy)
Conversation cast in a positive light involves more empathy and support
Take negative and flip around to positive
As a listener, don’t enable; complaints will seem smaller and more manageable
Acknowledge, but don’t immediately judge their complaint
Speakers respond to how others listen
Ask Our Fellow Scouters to discuss what they observed
Discussion Points – Listening in Adversarial Situations
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12. Listeners should always strive to create a positive present as opposed to a negative past.
Have participants read the slide together
Focus on creating a positive present
You can’t change the past, but you can make the present seem better
Give them hope
Review: Effective listening = active and empathetic
Monitoring ourselves
Powerful tools
- I got it
- This is what I hear you saying
- I hear what you don’t want…tell me what you do want
Transition: Giving and Receiving Feedback
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13. Giving and Receiving Feedback
Can be difficult
Basic part of team development, leadership, and friendship
Both parties must use effective listening
When it comes to giving or receiving feedback, it is truly much better to give than to receive!
It is path however toward improving team development, leadership and friendships.
Transition: Lets cover some tips on feedback (Flip)
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14. Tips on Giving Feedback
Is it helpful?
Do others want it?
Can it change a behavior?
Is it specific?
Does it describe behavior?
How does it impact you?
Does it contain an “I” statement?
Did the recipient understand what you said?
Tips on Giving Feedback – Go Around The Room, Each Person read A Line
Consider your motives. Feedback should be helpful; Be sure you are not just trying to get something off of your chest
Simply ask, “Do you accept feedback?” You are now asking permission
Describe the behavior in objective, nonjudgmental terms (e.g. Tell the Scout his tent needs cleaning…not that he is sloppy.
Let the other person know the impact the behavior has on you and others. Example cont’d: “your tent not being clean, keeps you from finding your Scout Book, which I need to sign off on some of your requirements.”
Use an “I” statement to accept responsibility for your own perceptions and emotions. Example cont’d: I feel that your messy tent is keeping you from fulfilling your personal responsibilities.”
Transition: The key question is “Do you care more about the person than just speaking your mind (Flip)
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15. You can give caring feedback without a good technique, but the slickest technique in the world will not hide a lack of caring.
Transition: Since it is sometimes easier to give than to receive feedback, let’s review some tips on how to receive it. (Flip)
This usually takes some thought and preparation to deliver it well
Which do you prefer?
Think of the last expensive item you bought, such as a car, television, furniture. Did you ever have a sales person who had a slick technique and didn’t really care about you or were they active and empathetic listeners?
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16. Tips on Receiving Feedback
Seek out feedback.
Listen carefully.
Listen actively.
Listen empathetically.
Monitor your emotions.
Do we really care about improving?
Transition: Feedback is a…..(Flip)
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17. Consider feedback to be a gift. It truly is one.
Let’s encourage one another by seeking feedback this weekend , tactfully and diplomatically giving it.
I also ask your for the gift of feedback over these two weekends we have together.
Transition: In Summary….(Flip)
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18. Effective Listening A learned skill
Important to relationships and problem solving
Active and empathetic
Turns a negative situation into a positive one
Key to giving and receiving feedback.
Tomorrow we will talk about effective communication, which begins with effective listening. If we can listen better, perhaps we can communicate better and avoid or minimize conflict.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood!
Listening well is an important part of both receiving and giving feedback.
Listening can be a tool for turning a negative situation into a positive one
The best listening is both active and empathetic
Listening plays a vital role in forming relationships, developing teams and finding solutions
Effective listening is a skill that each of us can learn and can constantly improve upon, but it takes practice
Summary
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19. Ticket April 18, 2005 Oct 19, 2006 Begin to Work Your Ticket After:
Finish Your
Ticket Not Later Than:
Oct 19, 2006
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