1. Bereavement and Loss AR

2. What we will cover… What we will cover: What is bereavement and loss?
How do we process loss?
Individual loss
Social loss
Cultural expectations
What is a good enough ending?
What does it look like in your school?
Guidance for schools
Welcome, health and safety
Introductions
Triggering statement – self care
Acknowledge the need to talk about our own experiences – help us to get a balance between acknowledging our own stories and getting through the content and guidance. AR 2

3. Every 22 minutes a parent of dependent children dies in the UK
Up to 70% of schools have a bereaved pupil on their roll at any given time
92% of young people will experience a significant bereavement before the age of 16 years
Source: (Child Bereavement UK 2018)

4. How does your school manage and discuss bereavement and loss?
Talk on your tables:
What do you think the schools does well?
What do you think the school could do better?
What are you hoping to get out of today?
all

5. Definitions
Bereavement – idea of something being taken away from us or lost
Grief – the emotion associated
Mourning – rituals/process associated with coming to terms with the bereavement and grief
A note on endings, transitions and disenfranchised loss…

6. Theories of bereavement and loss
Stage theories: Bowlby, Kubler-Ross
Process theories: Worden, Silverman and Klass, Stroebe and Schut CH

7. Kubler-Ross Five Stages of Grief
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance CH

8. Stroebe M, Schutt H (1999) Theory of bereavement and loss

9. Children’s understanding of death <5
For very young children under 5 (although not exclusively), the concept of death as being permanent, final and forever is a difficult idea to relate to
‘Magical thinking’ or omnipotence – somehow I caused this
Children of all ages need to be reminded that nothing that they did or did not do caused someone to die - it was not their fault. They need reassurance they are not that powerful and sometimes things happen for reasons that cannot be explained.
Abstract explanations or euphemisms difficult to understand e.g. someone being buried but also going to heaven, death being described as going on a long journey or as a long sleep. This may create worries about going to bed or about people going on journeys and not coming back.

10. Children’s understanding of death 5-10
Children are beginning to develop an understanding of death as permanent, irreversible and that life functions end when you die.
Children are starting to understand that death is universal and that includes them and those they care about
Curiosity about death may lead to lots of questions, as well as some “inappropriate” behaviour during rituals
Children may use play to make sense of what has happened.
Children are more aware of how others might be feeling and this may make them more empathic to others but may also make them hide their reaction for fear of upsetting others

11. Children’s understanding of death 10 +
Children of this age have developed a greater awareness of death, the long term consequences of loss and especially its emotional aspects.
Will be more aware of practical implications, eg paying bills
Greater understanding means that their grieving is more like an adults but they may find the powerful emotions difficult to manage.
This may result in: risk taking behaviour, using drugs, alcohol and self harming; avoidance of parents; childish behaviour and responses; or act grown up and responsible for others within the family.
Teenagers still need to be given boundaries and reassurance.

12. Individual and Social Loss
Age of child, life experience, gender, position in the family: what expectations do people have of them?
How are school staff/SLT prepared for, or affected by, child/family distress? What policies are in place?
What cultural rules and norms guide our responses to death, loss and grieving? What resources are available to people?
Family, friends, peers: sources of support, or struggling themselves?
Include aspects of how social media impacts on social loss
Are systems connected appropriately/helpfully? Family – school – LA. Neighbourhood deprivation levels
How does loss affect us over the course of our life-time? How do social changes impact on this? CH

13. Cultural expectations
Schools are part of a multi-cultural society in which various beliefs, religious and non- religious, are required to be taken into account. Respect for the differing needs, rituals and practices of different cultures is essential when acknowledging a death. Handout Page – (Bereavement UK Document)
CH and AB

14. Case Study/Scenario CH

15. Bereavement and Loss in your School
What teachers need to know:
(6 and half minutes long) Members of our Young People's Advisory Group (child bereavement UK) have put together this short film which they think would have been useful for their teachers around the time they were bereaved, and for time to come.

16. Bereavement UK guidance for schools
Website-
Helpline- 9-5 Mon-Fri
Normality- For a child or young person whose life has been turned upside down by bereavement, the routines of school life can give a sense of normality
A listening ear – School is often seen as somewhere safe to express grief
Good enough endings
Mandy’s example of transition for year 11’s and how to relaunch an ending into a positive expereince MM

17. The opportunity to be a child – School offers the chance to play, laugh and generally be a child without feeling guilty
General support – Keep in contact with home as good communication will help school to have a more realistic view of how a child is coping
Be proactive- Have a selection of resources available in school on the subject

18. Being prepared Be prepared- Having a policy will greatly help
Identify key people in your organization
Decide who will take overall charge and delegate substitutes should they be absent
Decide who will be responsible for communicating directly with the families involved
Decide who will give the news to the rest of the school community
Good enough endings
Mandy’s example of transition for year 11’s and how to relaunch an ending into a positive expereince MM

19. If the Press are involved, decide who will liaise with journalists
Organise training for all involved
Exemplar policies : Primary School p69, Secondary School p 78 (Bereavement UK)

20. Supporting a bereaved child
Try not to judge
Check out the facts
Acknowledge what has happened
Accept responses will vary
Be prepared to listen
Give bereaved pupils time

21. Looking after yourself ( Staff)
Share feelings
Anticipate that you may experience an emotional reaction
Have information on resources staff can use or organisations they can contact
Help others
Spoil yourself

22. Managing Social Media
Permission from family is crucial in any communication on social media
School cannot however ‘contain’ information that is shared within the community, it will inevitably leak out.
Communication with the whole school community with as much information (see point 1) and language appropriate for the audience, reduce anxiety and spread of rumors
High profile situations, LA can offer help and guidance on process and protocol
YP’s perspective AB

23. Ask staff to identify what areas could be relevant here (if you have experience of this situation then what did you do and where does it link to on the framework?). AB

24. Books, films and other resources
Handout (Bereavement UK – page 47-56)
Samples AB

25. Organisations who offer support
Organisations who offer support AB