1. TEEN SPEAK OUT ON
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

2. WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
Domestic Violence is abuse that happens in a personal relationship. It occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. The abuser uses guilt, fear, shame and intimidation to gain complete power over you. He or she may threaten you, hurt you or those around you. It can happen between past or current partners, spouses, or boyfriends and girlfriends.
Domestic violence affects men and women of any ethnic group, race, or religion; gay or straight; rich or poor; teen, adult, or elderly. But most of its victims are women. In fact, 1 in 4 women will be a victim at some point.

3. CYCLE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Domestic abuse falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence:

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Abuse — The abuser lashes out with aggressive or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show the victim "who is boss."
Guilt — After the abusive episode, the abuser feels guilt, but not over what he's done to the victim. The guilt is over the possibility of being caught and facing consequences.
Rationalization or excuses — The abuser rationalizes what he's done. He may come up with a string of excuses or blame the victim for his own abusive behavior—anything to shift responsibility from himself.
"Normal" behavior — The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.
Fantasy and planning — The abuser begins to fantasize about abusing his victim again, spending a lot of time thinking about what she's done wrong and how he'll make her pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.
Set-up — The abuser sets up the victim and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing her.

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Spousal abuse and battery are used for one purpose: to gain and maintain total control over the victim. In addition to physical violence, abusers use the following tactics to exert power over their wives or partners:
Dominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his possession.
Humiliation — An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.

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Isolation — In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. Source: Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, MN
Threats — Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.
Intimidation — Your abuser may use a variety of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences.
Denial and blame — Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abuser may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility onto you: Somehow, his violence and abuse is your fault.

7. EVE’S VIDEO: LOVE IS BLIND

8. SCENARIO #1

9. Chanel and Jerry
Chanel and Jerry have been dating for three years. They met during their sophomore year in high-school and have been together ever since. Chanel was drawn to Jerry because of his bad boy image. Jerry was well known around the way and Chanel enjoyed the fact that people were afraid of who Jerry was. Whatever Jerry wanted he got it any means necessary. He saw Chanel he wanted her and he got her. Over the course of their relationship, he attended to Chanel and spent time with her. Because of his business on the street he was able to buy things for her that she could not provide for herself. For Chanel this was love. She and Jerry were happy for what she thought was going to be forever until one day, Jerry saw Chanel speaking to another guy with whom he previously had exchanged words. When confronted with what business Chanel and this other guy had, Chanel informed Jerry that he had asked her for the time. Jerry stated that this was cool but for some reason Chanel began to feel as though things were not cool. Later that night when she met up with Jerry they engaged in an argument and eventually the issue from earlier that day arose. It was then that Jerry began to beat on Chanel. Each time he hit her he told her that she should have never been speaking with that specific guy. Chanel pleaded for him to stop. Once Jerry finished his final blows he told Chanel that she better not say anything. He reminded her that no one would believe her and that she could be dealt with if necessary. Chanel slowly picked herself up and decided that while she would not say anything she would never see Jerry again. She could not believe that he would do this to her. The next day she happened to run into Jerry and he asked to speak with her. When speaking with her, Jerry stated how sorry he was and that he never meant to hurt her like that. He opened up and told her that growing up he would see his father put his hands on his mother day in and day out.

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He admitted that when he would watch this he felt that his mother caused a lot of the beatings because of things she failed to do as a woman. He said that even with that he still did not want to be the man who had to treat his lady like his father had. That he wanted a different life for himself. He promised that it would never happen again and said that he would do anything to prove it to her. He offered to go through with anger management if necessary. As a means of sealing the deal he gave her some flowers and a necklace to show how much he cared about her. Because he appeared to be sincere and had opened up as he had, Chanel decided to give him another chance. Learning from the last instance, Chanel would avoid conversations with random guys in her neighborhood. She also would try to be as supportive as possible for Jerry. She tried hard to show him that she was not going to be the girl who would let her man down like he said his mother had for his father. Unfortunately, Chanel soon found that there was very little that she could do right and much to be done wrong. Her first incident became the first of many in which she found herself engaged in.

11. QUESTIONS Is this an instance of domestic violence?
Is this relationship healthy? Why or why not?
What are some of the signs that this may be an unhealthy relationship?
How does Chanel handle this situation?

12. SCENARIO #2

13. Dee Dee and Tyshon
Dee Dee and Tyshon have been together for the past year and a half. They have a two-month old son named Jaylen. In the beginning, things between the two of them were good. They would spend an endless amount of time together. After seeing each other for about six months, Dee Dee became pregnant with their son. It was during this time, that their relationship started to incur some changes. Tyshon recognized that some of the changes could be related to the short period of time that he and Dee Dee had known each other and their having a child wasn’t helping the situation much. Nevertheless, he was still willing to try to make their relationship work. The more involved their relationship became, the more it seemed that Dee Dee would try to manipulate the relationship. Tyshon noticed that there was never a problem when she wanted to go out and see her friends, but anytime he wanted to do so she would ask if he felt that this was the best thing for him to do as a father. Not wanting to be a bad father, Tyshon would stay home and spend time with both Jaylen and Dee Dee. Tyshon noticed that anytime he wanted to spend some time with his family or friends Dee Dee would make an issue of it. They would argue in front of their child and she would threaten to take Jaylen and leave.

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Dee Dee would often throw cd’s, glasses, or magazines at Tyshon when they would argue. At times, she would often throw his things in the trash as well. Things between he and Dee Dee continued to get worse. Tyshon tried to end their relationship but each time he tried, Dee Dee would threaten to keep Jaylen away from him; in addition to threatening to kill her-self. She would tell him that she was not going to live without him and that ending the relationship would push her over the edge. To try and prevent anything from happening or matters getting worse, Tyshon would avoid going out at times as a means of keeping Dee Dee content. Tyshon knew that this situation was not a good environment for his child but he also wrestled with trying to make things work for the sake of his Jaylen. For now he decided he would hang in there.

15. QUESTIONS Is this an instance of domestic violence?
Is this relationship healthy? Why or why not?
What are some of the signs that this may be an unhealthy relationship?
How does Tyshon handle this situation?

16. SCENARIO #3

17. CJ and Tony
CJ and Tony have been involved in a committed relationship for about two years. They enjoy spending time with each other and appreciate the fact that both of their families were open and acceptable of their relationship. Things between CJ and Tony were ok but up until about a week ago things got worse. One night when CJ went out with some of his friends when he got home, Tony was sitting on the couch drunk. CJ hated when Tony drank. He noticed that when Tony would drink he would become very aggressive and loud-mouthed. Although they would argue, CJ had learned to just ignore him until Tony would tire himself and fall asleep. On this particular evening, things unfortunately escalated in a way like never before. As CJ arrived home he was tired and wanted to go to bed but Tony insisted on trying to have sex with him. Knowing that Tony was drunk, CJ said no and asked if they could just go to bed. CJ hoped that he could just ignore Tony like he had done several times before but this time Tony hit CJ on the head with his fist. Tony continued to beat on CJ and eventually forced himself upon him. The next morning, ashamed of what had occurred last night, Tony apologized to CJ.

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When asked how he could possibly forgive him, Tony vowed to stop drinking. He stated that drinking turned him into a different person. He realized that drinking was a problem he was developing and asked if CJ could just trust him to change. He promised that that he would never subject CJ to that ever again. As CJ listened to Tony he believed that Tony loved him and would try to never hurt him again and gave Tony another chance. CJ loved Tony and knew how hard it would be to find someone with whom he was comfortable with, who was comfortable being out, and whose family was so accepting. So CJ continued with the relationship. At first things appeared to be going well. Tony had cut back on his drinking significantly and he and CJ were not arguing as they used to. However, as more time passed, CJ soon found out that drinking wasn’t the only thing that turned Tony into a different person. The beatings continued and CJ wrestled with whether he should stay or go.

19. QUESTIONS Is this an instance of domestic violence?
Is this relationship healthy? Why or why not?
What are some of the signs that this may be an unhealthy relationship?
What are some ways in which CJ copes with this situation?