1. SHRED THE LABEL,SAVE A CHILD
NO SUCH THING AS A BULLY
SHRED THE LABEL,SAVE A CHILD
Kelly Karius is a social worker, Dr. Ron is an Engineer. The combination of these two professions has allowed Kelly to bring in principle’s that Ron is able to simplify into easy tools to use.
Kelly Karius & Dr. Ron Graham

2. NEW Language – Problem Definition
Bully Action
Victim Responses
Bystander Behavior
The same skills are needed by all children.
Changing the language changes the perspective. If a problem is defined incorrectly we will be forever creating solutions that are ineffective. Currently we are creating a culture of labeling, bullies and victims. This method absolves the bystander of responsibility and it encourages children to develop personalities around the labels they are given. There is no difference in the skills needed by all children. All children need to develop the same skill set of communication skills, thinking skills and problem solving skills in order to bring out positive behaviors.
*I would point out here, a book in the library, called, I believe, Suddenly. Angela will likely know which one it is! There is a page where a “bully” goes down the slide instead of the cute little pig, and gets eaten by the wolf. Grab a look at the picture. Bully = ugly = worthless = okay dead.

3. Bullying Definition
Bullying = bully actor perspective +Bully Action + Victim Responder perspective
Where
Bully actor perspective =
Desire to hurt + Superior Power/enjoyment + Desire for control/contempt
Bully Action =
Hurtful + Repeated
Victim responder perspective =
Vulnerability + Sense of oppression/ unjust treatment
No definition of bullying is going to be the “end-all” definition.
Bullying is such a grey issue that defining it is difficult. What is required are solid ideas about what constitutes a bullying situation, and a skill set that we can provide to children.
Why Zero-Tolerance Policies Don’t Work
Zero-tolerance policies are used by many schools, and are even supported by many parents. They are ultimately ineffective because they are based on a simplistic model of bullying, rather than the complex truth. Consider:
Two students are horse-playing in the hallway, and admit that’s what they’re doing. All physical contact is handled the same way so they are punished for behavior that’s normal and appropriate for their age and maturity level. The two youngsters may not even understand the intent of the discipline.
Two friends are in a one-time argument and call each other names. All name-calling is handled the same way so the friends are punished even when the argument is over before the school gets involved. There’s a chance the friends won’t even know why they are being punished. Authority figures may come to be seen as ridiculous.
A child in grade 2 hugs another student and gives her a kiss. He is suspended for inappropriate touching.
Zero tolerance does not consider a child’s developmental stage or other considerations around the incident. Once punishment is decided on, school administrators have to justify it. If they can’t – which can happen when a zero-tolerance policy is applied – they are forced to choose between backing off from the punishment and widespread disgust with it. Either way, their authority is undermined. They may be seen as irrational, or they may be labeled as bullies themselves. This is disastrous. Children do understand fair punishment. When they are unfairly punished, they lose respect for administration, and conflict can also be created with their parents.

4. Using a Bully Action You are using a bully action if you
1. want to hurt someone.
2. do something that hurts them.
3. are stronger than them in some way.
4. hurt them more than once.
5. use your extra power to hurt them.
6. enjoy hurting people.
7. cause them to feel sad and helpless.

5. Receiving a Bully Action
You are experiencing bully actions if:
1. someone wants to hurt you.
2. someone does something that hurts you.
3. the person is stronger than you in some way.
4. the person hurts you more than once.
5. the person uses her extra power to hurt you.
6. the person enjoys hurting you
7. you feel sad and helpless.

6. Overview Introductions Motivations Needs Shortcuts and Role plays
Online Lessons
Teacher Team
TIPS

7. Introductions Name/grades/classes Opinion on culture/climate of school
We didn’t do this, as we started late, and a lot of it would have been for MY benefit and not the teachers.
Instead, take ten minutes among yourself and discuss how you used or were on the receiving end of bully actions when you were in school, and how you were/are affected.

8. Motivation
What do YOU need to have come out of this training? Out of the full Community Immersion?
Please have this conversation in small groups and keep notes for me. I’ve compiled the other groups ideas in a word document, that is attached as well. 8

9. Teachers Students Parents Community Bus Drivers
Needs
Teachers Students Parents Community Bus Drivers
For discussion.

10. Shortcuts and Role Plays
Always and Never Dramatic Thinking Fight or flight Verbal Assaults Brainstorming Anxiety I Statements
In order to make good decisions and learn who they are, our children need to be confident. Confidence is promoted with balanced thinking and control over choices and environment (problem solving). This method allows us not to take away their opportunities for growth, but rather, to teach them through it. They gain skills and confidence. Having several parents using and teaching this material allows their children to also connect to one another. Peers begin to moderate bully actions that they see. The more bully actions are challenged, the less they will be used. No one wants to be repeatedly called on their behavior, and as children grow strong, bully actions don’t create the same kind of response. They are more easily left behind.
We are in the process of creating a book for students to use with each other, a peer to peer program that will encourage discussion and problem solving among peers.
Please watch video – shortcuts.

11. Online Lessons and Discussion
Fight ,Flight, Freeze
Working through Harm
Bill of Rights and Responsibilities
Bullying and Being Bullied
Be sure to go to - go to membership, then already a member. Password kelly, right now, for the lessons. The school will receive their own soon.
These lessons can be used with individual students or groups, and can be used by all school staff. 11

12. Staff Team
Creation of Team Maintenance Supporting the Prevention Team Creation of Culture
In the video, you’ll hear me call this a Teacher Team. Please accept my apologies, moving forward I will be more concious about changing the language there. This program needs everyone involved. Please watch the third video, staff team.

13. TIPS Anonymous Reporting System Web-based
Implementation – End September
For more information, please see this link

14. 24 Hour Stake Out October 20 & 21 http://facebook.com/stake.out
Songs, stories, resources

15. Websites nosuchthingasabully.com Bullyoutreachproject.com
Kellykarius.com
Kariusandassociates.com
Kariusfamilyservices.com
Facebook: 24-Hour Bully-Stakeout