1. 38th Annual I&R Training and Education Conference St. Louis, Missouri
Interpreting the St. Louis Blues: Empathy
38th Annual I&R Training and
Education Conference
St. Louis, Missouri
Monday May 23, 1pm-2.15pm
Workshop Under Construction
You may want to go to another workshop, go sightsee - Or enjoy the process and stay!
John Plonski – Facilitator
Developer – Helping Empathically As
Responders Training (HEART)
Director of Online Supervisors
IMAlive Virtual Crisis Center
Paper-free
Workshop

2. Can empathy be learned?
What is empathy?
Why be empathic?

3. What Is Empathy? According to merriam-webster.com Empathy is
1: the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it
2: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner;

4. What Is Empathy?
Elaine - Being beside someone or with them, in what they're feeling. Finding that common ground and sharing in their feelings (even if you haven't experienced what they have) so you can work together.
Jess - Understanding, supporting, and accepting one’s feelings & emotions, even if you've never been there yourself. Being willing and able to walk the path with them, even if you don't have all of the answers.
Anna - The analogy of empathy being akin to placing yourself in someone else's shoes...except with an important twist - it involved trying to understand what it would be like to be that person in their shoes, or that person in their situation - as opposed to YOU in that situation...

5. Wasn’t That A Star Trek Episode?
What Is Empathy?
Wasn’t That A Star Trek Episode?
Empathy is powerful because we seldom, if ever, communicate on an empathic level.
Empathic communication creates a bond permitting open interaction and effective problem solving.
The Star Trek episode was “The Empath” and was aired 12/6/1968 during the 3rd season of the show.

6. Frequently We Make Empathy Analogous To Being In Another’s Shoes
Close – Empathy is actually the interpretation of how it feels to be in those shoes.

7. The Four Attributes Of Empathy
Perspective – The ability to see the world as others see it by putting your "stuff" aside
Nonjudgmentality – Judging another’s situation discounts their experience and is to be avoided
Recognizing and understanding another’s feelings – We may not be experiencing the person’s situation but we have experienced the feelings the person is experiencing.
Communicating understanding – This is called “Reflection” and we will talk about it in a bit
What about E-empathy?

8. Empathy Vs Sympathy

9. Ahem! Please Try To Remember Empathy Is Not Sympathy.
Empathy is our attempt to understand what the person is feeling and the communicating that understanding to the person. In this sense, empathy is a “shared” experience.
Sympathy is our attempt to remove the person from their feelings so they (we?) will feel better. Sympathy is something we “extend” to them.
When we do the “Poor baby, poor baby” of sympathy we are denying the strength of their feelings.

10. Brené Brown On Empathy

11. Reactions To Sympathetic Statements
What We Say
Possible Reaction
I know how you feel.
You may think so but you don’t.
How are you feeling?
If you have to ask you wouldn’t understand
I’m sorry to hear that
Sorry doesn’t make things better.
Don’t cry.
Why not?
It sounds like you are strong.
I’m not feeling strong.

12. Reactions To Sympathetic Statements
What We Say
Possible Reaction
It could be worse.
This is as worse as it gets.
Everyone goes through this.
I’m not everyone.
Life never gives us more than we can handle.
Sure. But I can’t handle this.
Let me know if I can help.
Tell me how you will or can help me.
You’ve always been strong.
How come I am not feeling strong now?

13. Reactions To Sympathetic Statements
What We Say
Possible Reaction
Don’t worry, you’ll feel better soon.
When does “soon” happen?
Time heals all wounds.
How do I heal something that hurts so deep?
You haven’t failed.
Why do I feel that I did?
Now you can move on to new things.
Where are these new things?
Think about how your “Go to” phrases may be interpreted by the person you are helping.

14. The Worker Communicates Empathy The Consumer Through Reflection
The Worker Communicates Empathy The Consumer Through Reflection. I Use My Mirror To Look Fabulous.
The Active Listening technique of Reflection is used by the worker to connect with the person
This technique helps the consumer to hear themselves, reduce stress and gain greater objectivity in making decisions regarding their situation

16. We Demonstrate Empathy Through Reflection
Reflection is the verbal interpretation of the verbal and non-verbal expressions of the person’s emotions.
It establishes an empathic relationship with the person that permits them to feel understood by and connected to the worker.
It also creates an emotional mirror that lets them see an objective view of their situation and their relationship to it.

17. Reflection Sounds Real Important. Can You Tell Us How To Do It?
You bet. You do it like this...
Use a stem statement, such as:
“Sounds like you feel”
Then add a feeling, such as:
“sad”
Then add context, such as:
“that you lost your job after so many years”

18. Examples of Stem Statements
I wonder if….
I'm not sure if I'm with you but...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but......
You appear to be feeling......
Perhaps you're feeling.....
It seems that you....
As I hear it, you......
What you mean...
What I think I'm hearing is.....
Let me see if we are together....
I get the impression that…
The message I'm getting is....
You felt that
Sometimes you think ...
Tell me ....
Let’s talk about ...
If I'm hearing you correctly......
What we are talking about is....
So, you are feeling
So, as you see it, you feel
It sounds as though you are saying......
Is it possible you are saying.....
So, from where you sit
Right now you're feeling......
You must have felt...

19. Examples of Feelings

20. It’s Hard To Remember All Those Feeling Words?
You really don’t have to remember them
because you all ready know them. You have experienced those feelings
You can use the lists but then you sound like a
Take-out menu – One from Column A, one from
Column B
It does make it easier though if you think of it as
“Connecting the Feelings” to get the whole
picture of the person’s situation. For example:

21. Do You Remember “Connect The Dots”?
Let’s do a “Connect the Feelings” exercise.

22. Random Thoughts About Empathy
Reframing
Connecting With Self
Do-Gooding
Gotta Answer More Calls
Sounds Hackneyed or Phony -
Psychobabble
Fixing Problems Is More Important Than Understanding Them

23. Why Do We Use Empathy?
Thalamus
Hypothalamus
Amyglada
Hippocampus

24. Can Empathy Be Learned?

25. Four Fundamentals Our Specialists Can Learn To Allow Them To Cultivate Empathy.
Acceptance
Respect
Empathy
Hope

26. Basic Tenets Of Empathic Interactions
The specialist and consumer are equals.
The consumer determines the pace of the interaction and can make their own choices and decisions.
The specialist “mirrors” the consumer through Active Listening

27. 38th Annual I&R Training and Education Conference St. Louis, Missouri
Interpreting the St. Louis Blues: Empathy
38th Annual I&R Training and
Education Conference
St. Louis, Missouri
Monday May 23, 1pm-2.15pm
John Plonski – Facilitator
Developer – Helping Empathically As
Responders Training (HEART)
Director of Online Supervisors
IMAlive Virtual Crisis Center