1. Lesson 5
Proverbs

2. The Tongue (Part 1)
The book of Proverbs addresses the tongue by drawing comparisons to which we can all relate.
Sword: Pr. 12:18 – “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Requires guarding: Pr. 13:2-3 - “Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.”

3. The Tongue (Part 1)
The converse of the speech is listening and is emphasized just as emphatically through the Bible.
Hear, Listen and Heed: Pr. 13:1 - “A wise son hears his father’s instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.”
Acts 7:54 – “Now when they heard these things they were enraged, and they ground their teeth at him.”
Acts 2:37 – “Now when they heard this they were cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, ‘Brothers, what shall we do?’”
How can the same message provoke opposite responses?
The heart of the speaker.
The heart of the hearer.

4. Crucial Conversation Short List
Crucial Conversation Defined
Stakes are high
Opinions vary
Emotions run high
Handling Options
Avoid them
Handle badly
Handle well
Crucial Conversations Require
Belief in principle
Belief God can transform
Belief that change can occur
Fools Choice
Speak up and it goes bad
Keep quiet & let it happen
We seek to foster dialog so thoughts, opinions, and feelings can be shared to generate better understanding and buy-in.
Dialog is hindered by silence and violence.
We have to start with our hearts and what we want for ourselves, the other person, and our relationship.

5. Common Sins Of the Tongue
Talking too much
Pr. 15:2 - “…but the mouths of fools pour out folly.”
Pr. 15:28 - “…The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.”
Pr. 29:11 – “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.”
Pr. 18:6 – ”A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating.”
Mt. 12:36-37 – “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it int eh day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by our words you will be condemned.”
Often when we talk too much we fail to allow others to engage in the dialog which goes against best practice.

6. Common Sins Of the Tongue
Whispering and talebearing
Pr. 11:13 – “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.”
Pr. 16:28 – “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.”
Pr. 17:9 –”Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.”
Pr. 18:8 – “The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.”
Pr. 25:23 – “The north wind brings forth rain, and a backbiting tongue, angry looks.”
Whispering and backbiting removes the safety required for dialog. Without safety conversations rever to either silence or violence.

7. Common Sins Of the Tongue
Lying
Pr. 6:17 – “There are six things that the LORD hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood. …”
Pr. 12:19 – “Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment.”
Pr. 12:22 – “Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who act faithfully are his delight.”
Rev. 22:15 – “Blessed are those who wash their robes, so that they may have the right to the tree of life and that they may enter the city by the gates. Outside are the dogs and sorcerers and the sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.”
Lying removes the trust that is crucial to believing that dialog can be effective.

8. Common Sins Of the Tongue
Flattery
Pr. 10:19 – “The one who conceals hatred has lying lips,…”
Pr. 27:6 – “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”
Pr. 28:23 – “Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue.”
Flattery affects trust in the same way that lying does. It makes one question the motive behind the words and the nature of the heart sharing them.

9. Common Sins Of the Tongue
Angry words
Pr. 12:16 – “The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult. …”
Pr. 15:1 – “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Pr. 15:18 – “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.”
James 1:19 – “This you know, my beloved brethren But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger;”
Anger brings violence to the conversation that removes the safety needed to conduct dialog. Bullies get their way using his approach.

10. Common Sins Of the Tongue
Biting, sarcastic speech
Pr. 12:18 – “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Mt. 5:37 – “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.”
Col. 4:6 – “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”
Biting speech brings violence to the conversation that removes the safety needed to conduct dialog.

11. Common Sins Of the Tongue
Profanity and filthy stories
Ex. 20:7 – “You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain, for the LORD will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain.”
Eph. 5:4 – “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. ”
James 3:9-11 –” With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water?”
Profanity is intended to bring violence by creating a shock effect in the conversation.