1. 8 qualities shared by strong families
Commitment
Appreciation
God communication patterns
Desire to spend time together
A strong value system
Ability to deal with crises and stress in a positive manner
Resilience
Self efficacy

2. 6 decision making steps Define what you need or want
Look carefully at your resources
Gather information on all your choices
Identify, evaluate, and compare your choices
Make your decision, develop a plan and get started
As time passes, evaluate your decision and readjust if necessary

3. Intensity matrix page 46 what do you think?
Is intimacy a goal for you?
Is it difficult for you to be intimate?
In what action realm (intellectual, physical, emotional) do you share intimacy most easily?
Which realm is most difficult?

4. The American Myth of Love and Marriage
We Americans marry for love and who in the midst of falling in love is always reasonable?
Because Americans tend to believe the romantic myth, numerous marriages have little other than love going for them and the union dissolves because the couple has no basis on which to build a lasting relationship.

5. The American Myth of Love and Marriage
Much of the confusion of about the myth of love as a basis for marriage has to do with how love is defined.
Does it mean the same to you as it does to me?
What is the difference between, loving, crushing, passion… all of it?

6. Defining love The ancient Greeks divided love into a number elements
Ludus (game playing love)
Storge (friendship love)
Mania (possessive dependent love)
Eros (physical sexual side of love)
Guess which types tend to produce negative consequences?

7. Defining Love
For the Greeks, the three most important types of love leading to more successful intimate relationships are:
Eros (carnal or physical love)
Agape (spiritual love)
Philos (brotherly or friendly love).

8. Defining love
Philos, the love found in deep and enduring friendships is most important to society’s humanity
We need this connection with other people to create a successful society
Alienation
Crime
Isolation
Dehumanization

9. Love is what you make it We each define love for ourselves
In lasting relationships, the partners must come to a mutual understanding of what each means by love

10. Love is what you make it
Intimate self disclosure- opening your self up can lead to getting hurt
Intimacy dilemma- love is always an adventure because danger is involved

11. Love is what you make it Indifference is the opposite of love
When hurt occurs the lover may react with hurt or hostility
However someone who just doesn’t care wasn’t in love

12. Love is what you make it
The indifferent person exercises more control over the relationship.
Principle of least interest
The most loving person in the relationship is more vulnerable and, therefore, often goes to great lengths to placate and please his/her mate

13. Love is what you make it
The concept of love has been feminized in America
Men vs. women
Lets talk about us vs. I provide for you
Women use sex to get love
Men use love to get sex

14. Gender differences in love
Men are less willing to marry without being in love than are women
Once a woman commits herself, she tends to become more expressive than he is

15. Gender differences in love
Women tend to take more time to love and commit themselves to a relationship than do men
Women generally seek emotional relationships, whereas men tend to initially seek physical relationships

16. Theories of love Brotherly love- friendship
Maternal love- unselfish interest in your partner, placing your self second
Mature love- all of that plus a sexual response

17. Mature love
4 basic elements
Care
Responsibility
Respect
Knowledge

18. The Wheel as a Model of Love
Insert FIGURE 3-1 The Wheel as a Model of Love?

19. The Wheel as a Model of Love
Stage 1 The Rapport Stage
Partners are struck by the feelings that they have known each other before.
They are comfortable with each other, and both want to deepen the relationship.
Discussion of previous figure?

20. The Wheel as a Model of Love
Stage 2 The Self-revelation Stage
The partners share more intimate feelings.
This deepens the relationship because such sharing is only done with special people.

21. The Wheel as a Model of Love
Stage 2 The Self-revelation Stage
Self-disclosure is associated with increased commitment, mutual trust, and feelings of love.
Women are more likely than men to reveal their thoughts and feelings
Discussion of previous figure?

22. The Wheel as a Model of Love
Stage 3 Mutual Dependence
As sharing becomes more intimate, a feeling of mutual dependence develops.
Discussion of previous figure?

23. The Wheel as a Model of Love
Stage 3 Mutual Dependence
Falling in love provides a sense of very rapid expansion of the boundaries of self. There comes a feeling of loss when the partner is absent.

24. The Wheel as a Model of Love
Stage 4 Intimacy
The partners experience more intimacy and need fulfillment as they deepen their relationship.
Emotional support
Sympathy
Discussion of previous figure?

25. Elements of Love intimacy, passion and commitment
Nonlove: Absence of all three elements.
Liking: Intimacy without passion or commitment.

26. Elements of Love intimacy, passion and commitment
Infatuation: Passion without intimacy or commitment.
Romantic love: Intimacy and passion without commitment .

27. Romantic Love
The confusion between romance and love causes great trouble in forming long-lasting intimate relationships
We often fall in love with our own romantic ideas about someone rather than the real person

28. Romantic Love Are you a romantic or a realist?
Let’s take the survey on page 70-71

29. Romantic Love
Because romantic love is such an emotional arousal it is difficult to maintain
When a person confuses true love with romantic love you will constantly be disappointed

30. Love versus like
It is probably more important to like someone than it is to love them if you are going to live together for an extended amount of time
It is easier to like and love someone you who makes you feel good

31. Love versus like
What research tells us
Page 74-75

32. Love
Falling in love is grand
Staying in love is hard work

33. Companionship love
With time, the emotional excitement of passionate love tends to fade into a lower key emotional state of friendliness and a deep attachment
The fact that love changes over time makes it no less important

34. Companionship love
If enduring love is to evolve from a passionate love, the relationship has to be nurtured

35. Love in strong families
Many families take each other fro granted until something happens to upset their routine.

36. Love in strong families
Respect and appreciation- you cannot appreciate if you do not respect
Vicious circle- a pattern of behavior in which negative behavior provokes a negative reaction, which in turn, prompts more negative behavior

37. Unrealistic expectations
Many of the difficulties we experience in our interpersonal relationships stem from conflicting attitudes and unrealistic expectations rather than from specific behavior

38. Socialization
The process of passing society’s values on to new members that begins at birth.
Talk about the girl in the cellar

39. Developmental Stages Self-Love Stage: Infancy and Early Childhood
Attachment to significant others
In order to love we must be loved

40. Developmental Stages
Parental Identification Stage: Early and Middle Childhood
This is where children learn the masculine or feminine role that goes with their biological sex
Sex vs. gender

41. Developmental Stages Group Stage: Late Childhood and Preadolescence
Elementary school each groups sticks to themselves
Cooties?

42. Developmental Stages Heterosexual Adult Stage
Heightened awareness of the opposite sex and some knowledge of what love means and how to display it
Love map- guides you to fall in love with one person and not the other

43. Jealousy
The state of being resentfully suspicious of a loved one’s behavior toward a suspected rival.

44. Envy
Represents a discontent with oneself and/or desire for the possessions or attributes of another
Elicits more shame, longing, guilt, denial, and a sense of inferiority

45. Quick Quiz

46. 1. Love that includes intimacy and commitment without passion is
Familial Love
Companionate Love
Empty Love
Liking

47. Answer: b
Companionate love is a strong bond that includes intimacy and commitment without passion .

48. 2. The process of passing society’s values on to new members is
Coding
Modeling
Brainwashing
Socialization

49. Answer: d
Socialization is the process of passing society’s values on to new members.

50. 3. The Greek term for brotherly love is
Agape
Philos
Eros
Storge

51. Answer: b
Philos is the Greek term for brotherly love.