1. Rhetorical Analysis Essay Feedback
Fall 2018 | Blocks 2 and 4 (English 11 Academic)

2. Content Introduction (& Thesis) Topic Sentences (& Transitions in TS)
Embedding Evidence
Analysis (& Sentence Variety)
Clinch
Conclusion

3. Scoring Practice Score out of 10
Meant to help you understand where your essay stands at this moment
The goal is to reflect on our feedback and make major changes for the final draft
Direct, Short-Term, “on the surface” GOAL to receive a high writing score that reflects in our grade in this class
Long-Term,ULTIMATE GOAL: to become a stronger writer who truly understands his or her own ability

4. Marks on your paper
A squiggly line notes awkward phrasing / wordy language
Vary sentence – look at your sentence starters
“Develop more” just means you don’ have enough writing or elaboration
May make marks on citations and some grammar things, but only to point them out…not correct every single mistake…that’s for you to do! Feedback focuses more on content and style.
Everyone must proofread.

5. General Rule of Thumb in RA
Do not need to name “ethos, logos, or pathos,” by technical name – use common ground, credibility, authority, appeal to logic, statistics, facts, support, cause and effect, appeal to emotion, sympathy, etc.
Keep ANALYSIS in present tense
Not Reagan suggested, but Reagan suggests
No contractions in formal writing

6. More General Rule of Thumb in RA
Avoid including yourself in analysis (our nation, us, we…sometimes in the Introduction and Conclusion, but only on rare occasions when it works stylistically)
Avoid directly mentioning “The Thesis”
Avoid clichés transitions “goes on to say” “in conclusion..” “this quote shows…”
Avoid wordy language “he is able to portray” …just write “he portrays”

7. Feedback Sheet

8. Feedback Sheet

9. 1. In Introductions, we look for…
A broad lead
A bridge that provides context and transitions, becoming narrower and narrower, possibly overviewing devices or strategies seen in the speech
A clear, well-written Thesis Statement that ID’s purpose and device

10. Introduction Exemplar #1 – Mason Jacobs
Broad Lead
On September 11, 2001, 2996 people were killed at the hands of the terrorist organization Al Qaeda. This was not only a loss of large monuments and the deaths of several innocent people, but also the loss of hope in the nation. President Bush knew this and while writing his address to the tragedy, he needed to bring back that hope and pride that was wiped away with the World Trade Center. To do this successfully, Bush carefully uses patriotic diction and powerful metaphors to build back that trust of America, along with using religion to relate to the audience. In George W. Bush’s address, he displays an appeal to patriotism in order to reignite the flame of pride that was lost during the tragedy.
Brief overview of technique/devices
Thesis addresses device: patriotism and purpose: to reignite pride

11. Introduction Exemplar #2– Jeff Hicklin – well-written BRIDGE
Broad Lead
On a clear Tuesday morning in New York City, as the average American commutes to their 9-5 job, retrieving their morning coffee, a mass terror attack is unfolding just a block away. Following in the wake of over two thousand innocent lives taken, the tragedy-stricken nation bleeds for somebody to step forward the patch the holes that evil has sought upon the country. This responsibility falls into the hands of the commander and chief, President George W. Bush. In the “9/11 Address to the Nation,” President Bush uses an authoritative tone to boost confidence and trust in the American people in a time of tragedy.
Suggestion: Add a sentence after “block away” for more context.
Well-worded
and keen insight on “responsibility.”
Thesis addresses device: authoritative tone and purpose: to boost confidence and trust.

12. Introduction Exemplar #3 – Kennedy MacNichol - good transitioning BRIDGE
Broad Lead
Space exploration has always been a dazzling thought for many. The thought of touching the very stars you see out of your window. But even the most wonderful ideas can have a not so happy ending, and when the nation faces that bad ending, it can cause major upsets. These upsets and conflicts make people turn to a trust leader for an answer: in this case, Ronald Reagan. In the Challenger Tragedy Address, Reagan comforts many different audiences and reassures their trust in NASA and the ability to further space exploration.
Suggestion: reword “not so happy ending.”
Endings > Upsets > Need a leader
Thesis addresses purpose: to reassure trust in NASA…but is missing and overall device/technique.

13. 2. Topic Sentences Should identify DEVICE AND PURPOSE
Be clear and true to the evidence of the paragraph, not too narrow, not too broad
If it is a TS2 or TS3, it requires a thoughtful transition at the beginning of it

14. Kevin McDermott – TS1
To create a sense of togetherness and unity, Reagan maximizes his use of pronouns in his speech.

15. Kevin McDermott – TS2
As well as establishing unity, and reaffirming America that they are all in this together, Reagan uses allusions on multiple occasions to appeal to America’s emotions, and even faith

16. 3. Embedding Evidence Requires a lead-in with “your own words”
Lead-in “your words that leads into/introduces the evidence” i.e. Building common ground, Reagan shares that…
“Smoothly embedded” “mixing in quotes”
A balance between your words and textual evidence
Avoid just “plopping” in a quote, especially one that is longer
Try breaking it up into words and phrases, just the parts you need
Use [BRACKETS] to change the tense of words to fit your analysis

17. IN-TEXT CITATIONS Use a proper citation First citation:
YOUR WORDS “EVIDENCE” YOUR WORDS (Bush 1).
Any time after:
YOUR WORDS “EVIDENCE” YOUR WORDS” (3).

18. EMBEDDING EXAMPLE
FROM THE 9/11 Address The pictures of airplanes flying into buildings, fires burning, huge -- huge structures collapsing have filled us with disbelief, terrible sadness, and a quiet, unyielding anger.
NO EMBEDDING AT ALL:
“The pictures of airplanes flying into buildings, fires burning, huge -- huge structures collapsing have filled us with disbelief, terrible sadness, and a quiet, unyielding anger” (1).

19. EMBEDDING EXAMPLE
FROM THE 9/11 Address The pictures of airplanes flying into buildings, fires burning, huge -- huge structures collapsing have filled us with disbelief, terrible sadness, and a quiet, unyielding anger.
EMBEDDED, but it’s choppy, not smooth…
Bush states, “The pictures of airplanes flying into buildings, fires burning, huge -- huge structures collapsing have filled us with disbelief, terrible sadness, and a quiet, unyielding anger” (1).

20. EMBEDDING EXAMPLE
FROM THE 9/11 Address The pictures of airplanes flying into buildings, fires burning, huge -- huge structures collapsing have filled us with disbelief, terrible sadness, and a quiet, unyielding anger.
SMOOTHLY EMBEDDED WITH BALANCE 
Following this, Bush reminds his audience of the “the pictures of airplanes flying into buildings,” images that evoke feelings of “disbelief, terrible sadness, and a quiet, unyielding anger” among the American public (1).

21. ANOTHER EMBEDDING EXAMPLE
FROM the Challenger Tragedy Address – para. 4
For the families of the seven, we cannot bear, as you do, the full impact of this tragedy. But we feel the loss, and we're thinking about you so very much. Your loved ones were daring and brave, and they had that special grace, that special spirit that says, "Give me a challenge, and I'II meet it with joy." They had a hunger to explore the universe and discover its truths. They wished to serve, and they did. They served all of us.
SMOOTHLY EMBEDDED WITH BALANCE  with a little bit of analysis
Honoring the crew members in a heroic light, Reagan describes them as “daring” and “brave” individuals who have a “special spirit” and a “special grace” (4). Through positive, praiseful word choice, Reagan urges the families to remember their loved ones for their dedication and courage, rather than focus on the grim thought of their absence.

22. TRANSITIONS – use between evidence and between paragraphs
Addition: also, again, as well as, besides, coupled with, furthermore, in addition, likewise, moreover, similarly
Similarity: comparatively, coupled with, correspondingly, identically, likewise, similar, moreover, together with
Contrast and Comparison: contrast, by the same token, conversely, instead, likewise, on one hand, on the other hand, on the contrary, rather, similarly, yet, but, however, still, nevertheless, in contrast
Exemplifying: chiefly, especially, for instance, in particular, markedly, namely, particularly,  including, specifically, such as
Emphasis above all, chiefly, with attention to, especially, particularly, singularly

23. 4. Analysis (+ Sentence Variety)
Analysis needs to demonstrate an understanding of the evidence’s RHETORICAL EFFECT on the audience
Should have enough analysis to clearly explain the textual evidence
Again, use transitions
Find verbs that are stronger than “say” or “show”
Try “academic” verbs like…suggests, concludes, reveals, displays, demonstrates, challenges, criticizes, portrays, illustrates,
Avoid starting with “author’s name” or “he” or “she” repeatedly…this means your sentences start with a noun every time.
Try sentence starters that are different: start with a verb, a preposition, a subordinating conjunction, etc.

24. Sample Footer Text
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25. ANALYSIS EXEMPLAR – Mason Jacobs
This simple statement is powerful following the devastation of the tragedy. Bush expresses how no matter what these terrorists do, this country will still be powerful and prideful.

26. ANALYSIS EXEMPLAR – Kevin McDermott
He specifically addresses “NASA,” “the school children,” and the other “ladies and gentlemen” of America. By personally recognizing the entirety of America, Reagan, moreover, reunites its inhabitants. While evaluating NASA, Reagan emphasizes that “we know your anguish. We share it” (9). Furthermore, he extends this idea that this not just a NASA issue, but it is an American tragedy, in which all are suffering together, not alone. Incorporating even more unity, Reagan…*introduces new evidence.

27. FOR MORE VARIETY, TRY PARTICIPIAL PHRASES
Participial phrases can happen at the beginning of end of a sentence. The “participial” is centered around an academic verb.
Appealing to the emotions of the American publics, Reagan concludes with an allusion to John Gillespie's poem “High Flight.”
Reagan purposefully mentions his and Nancy’s grievances, portraying himself as just another average American.

28. 5. Clinch Clinch – “essentially” your concluding sentence
The purpose is to conclude in a meaningful way, not just summarize or restate the Topic Sentence….address why all of the evidence matters in one succinct statement
Do not transition in a clinch, merely conclude…transitions are for topic sentences and in between sentences within a body paragraph

29. CLINCH EXEMPLARS
Kevin McDermott wrapping up a paragraph about common ground: With this intact, Reagan pushes all of American to move through this together, giving this generalized sense of move, in turn, leading towards a faster recovery from this deafening tragedy. _ Mason Jacobs’ clinch on a paragraph about metaphors and figurative playful. His word play exhibits a proud nation that has come so far to where it was then and will continue be as powerful as its brightest days.

30. ONE MORE CLINCH EXEMPLAR
Alex Bitters nicely wrapping up a body paragraph about Reagan’s common ground. Furthermore, Reagan comes close to the American public by connecting with his people and reassuring them that he is human too. He is only one part of a big world that is growing constantly and needs help, mentally and physically.

31. 6. Conclusion Strong conclusions… Revisit the Thesis/Central idea
Some writers find it effective to “echo” or “call back” to their lead, bringing the piece full circle
May do a quick overview of the essay’s main points (sometimes not needed)
Concludes on why this evidence matters to the reader “so what?”
Ends on a broad closer that leaves the thinker reading – WOW them.
*No new evidence should be introduced in the conclusion.

32. EXEMPLAR POWERFUL CONCLUSION – Alex Bitters
Our shackles of earth have already been broken. We have launched thousands of things into space that has us learning more and more every day. There have been setbacks, but the thing to take away from these mistake is not to repeat it. Those mistakes will not happen again now that we know what has gone wrong, just like the Challenger Shuttle. The one person who we all can trust is the person h owe put into office: the president. They trust us, and we should trust them. So, the question still stands in our way, what limits can we break next?

33. EXEMPLAR POWERFUL CONCLUSION – Kevin McDermott
When we look back in January of 1986, we see a broken America. But following Reagan’s Challenger Address, we see can America filled with hope rather than anger and distrust in NASA. Instead of making this an “American problem,” rather than a “NASA problem” it brought a sense of unity to the United States. With Reagan’s emotional and collective rhetorical strategies, he also brought some trust back into a broken space program. With these examples and rhetorical strategies, any speak can touch and reinsure trust in an audience.