1. Effective Communication & Collaboration
Teresa McKee, B.S.B.A., M.S., C.M.M.F.
Program Director, PAC/LAC

2. Why is this important to Outreach Specialists?
Effective communication and collaboration are the keystones to your success!
A lack of either could impact relationships, efficient time management, dropped clients, personal stress levels and more.
Consider what you’re juggling:
Relationships with Clinics/Providers
Relationships with Hospital Marketing Departments
Competing loyalties(?)
Boundaries with peers
Boundaries with clients

3. So what trips you up? Lack of boundaries Crossing boundaries
Competitiveness
Lack of program vision (mine vs. the program)
Frustration/Anger
Motivation
What else?

4. Compassionate Communication serves our desire to do three things:
1. Increase our ability to live with choice, meaning & connection.
2. Connect empathically with self and others to have more satisfying relationships.
3. Sharing of resources so everyone is able to benefit.
Compassionate Communication (or NVC) is about more than resolving conflict – it is about a way of living that reduces potential conflict and provides deeper meaning in relationships.

5. What is Violent Communication?
Violent means acting in ways that result in hurt or harm, so violent communication means judging others, having racial bias, blaming, finger-pointing, name-calling, reacting when angry, using political rhetoric, being defensive or judging who’s good/bad or what’s right/wrong with people.

6. What is Nonviolent Communication?
The integration of:
Consciousness: a set of principles that support living a life of empathy, care, courage and authenticity;
Language: understanding how words contribute to connection or distance;
Communication: knowing how to ask for what we want, how to hear others even in disagreement, and how to move toward solutions that work for all;
Means of influence: sharing “power with others” rather than using “power over others.”
Also called Compassionate Communication

7. The 1st Key in Compassionate Communication is Self-Awareness
When we speak of “conflict,” it doesn’t have to be major – any disagreement puts two people “in conflict.”
Fear, Anger, Worry… all in our heads.
You must get out of your ego/head before you can communicate compassionately.
Think of a person or situation that brings you peace (open heart).
Take several deep breaths.
Remind yourself that there is no right or wrong, only different perspectives.

8. What do you see?

9. Reflective Activity
Bring a recent conflict to mind where you do not feel you were successful in getting what you wanted.
Answer the questions on your handout in the left column.
Try to get out of your ego:
Think of a person or situation that brings you peace (open heart).
Take several deep breaths.
Remind yourself that there is no right or wrong, only different perspectives.
Feel empathy for the other person/group.
Rewrite the event from outside of the ego using the right column on the handout as your guide.

10. The 2nd Key is Connecting with Others
Compassionate Communication requires empathy for the other person or group.
You cannot reach empathy if you feel disconnected from the other person or group.
What is empathy?
Feeling WITH the other person.
Recognizing that we all have the same needs.
Establish a connection through LISTENING.

11. The 3rd Key is Identifying Our Feelings
We are not taught how to accurately describe our feelings.
We are also commonly taught that we “should not” show our feelings.
Feelings come from the heart, not the head.
Go back to your conflict and see if you can describe your feelings. How did you really feel at the beginning of the conflict and at the end of the conflict?
See the handout of Examples of Feelings.
We have different feelings when our needs are being met and when they are not being met.

12. The 4th Key is to Identify Needs
We are not taught how to express what we need in an effective or healthy way.
What do you need?
Go back to your conflict. Look at the Universal Needs handout. What did you really need?
Conflicts occur because there are unmet needs. But frequently, we don’t even know what that unmet need is.

13. Getting in Touch with Our Own Feelings & Needs Helps Us Stay Out of the Ego
Empathy is the fastest way to get out of the ego.
When you shift your focus to the other person, genuinely connect with them and feel empathy, you are no longer self-focused and this frees you from the ego.
This does not mean that your needs will not be met.
This is the starting point for genuinely resolving conflict because you are seeing clearly.
Once you connect, you can reach a place of understanding each others’ needs. From there, it’s not that difficult to find a way to ensure both parties’ needs are met.

14. Nonviolent Communication(NVC) Practices that Support Compassionate Communication & Collaboration
Expressing our own needs;
Sensing the needs of others, regardless of how others are expressing themselves;
Checking to see whether needs are accurately being received;
Providing the empathy people need in order to hear the needs of others; and
Translating proposed solutions or strategies into positive action language.

15. Two Parts of NVC Expressing honestly through the four components
Receiving empathetically through the four components

16. The Four Components of NVC
Observation – the concrete actions we observe that affect our well-being.
Feelings – how we feel in relation to what we observe.
Needs – the needs, values, desires, etc., that create our feelings.
Requests – the concrete actions we request in order to enrich our lives.

17. Observation
Observing what others are saying or doing that is either enriching or not enriching our lives.
Nonjudgmental. To simply say how we feel when we observe the event – are we hurt, scared, joyful, amused, irritated…
Identifying how we feel leads to understanding what needs we have that are connected to those feelings we have identified.

18. Taking Responsibility for Our Feelings
What others do is not the cause of our feelings. It is simply a trigger – a stimulus.
Our feelings result from how we choose to receive what others say or do, as well as our needs in that moment.
When we hear a negative message, we have four options:
1. Blame ourselves.
2. Blame others.
3. Sense our own feelings and needs.
4. Sense others’ feelings and needs.

19. Needs Connect your feeling with your need:
I feel __________ because I need _____________.
Distinguish between giving from the heart and being motivated by guilt.
Judgments of others are expressions of our own needs.
“You never understand me,” is really the person having a need to be understood which is not being met.
When we express our needs this way, the other person usually feels criticized and responds with self- defense. They actually hear you less in that state.

20. Effective Communications
Use positive action language.
When we express our feelings, it may not be clear to the listener what we want them to do.
Requests may sound like demands when unaccompanied by the speaker’s feelings and needs.
Certain ways of communicating alienate us from our natural state of compassion:
Moralistic judgments (she’s lazy, he’s prejudiced, that’s inappropriate).
Classifying and judging people promotes violence.
Comparisons are a form of judgment.
Denial of responsibility blocks communication (you make me feel, have to, should)
We can never make people do anything.

21. Requests
You cannot make a request until you have identified your feelings and established what each party’s needs are.
Be specific, not vague
“I need you to listen when I speak.”
“I do.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do.”
Would you be willing…?
Not “demands”
Then you can move into specific, concrete requests.

22. Boundaries
When thinking of your boundaries, you have to include your needs.
Do you have a need of approval? Of being needed? Of feeling important? Of making a difference? Of being right? Of “winning?”
These feelings influence how you establish your boundaries.
Now step back and look at your needs compared to programmatic needs. Are there any conflicts?

23. Example 1
Perhaps you have a need to feel needed. This leads you to get too involved with a family, beyond the scope of your role, but it fulfills that need to feel needed.
Now you can’t meet your programmatic goals because there’s not enough time to see the number of potential moms you need to approach. Or you don’t have time to make follow-up calls because you’ve spent too much time with one family.
Your personal needs are being met, but your professional needs are not. That’s a conflict.

24. Example 2
Two Outreach Specialists are invited to an event for pregnant women. If one or both have a need to win, circumstances are ripe for a conflict.
Our programmatic goals are to promote Welcome Baby from a client-centered approach. If the two OS’s become embroiled in a disagreement about who “gets the mom,” programmatic needs become secondary to “winning.”
This is why it’s critical to understand your needs and to have empathy for others’ needs. Then a compromise can be reached that helps both parties have their needs met and there is no conflict with programmatic needs.

25. Example 3
An OS is told by a hospital marketing representative that they will not allow certain Welcome Baby materials to be distributed at a baby shower. The OS is informed that the hospital has created their own materials that include Welcome Baby information.
How would you handle?

26. What’s Your Biggest Challenge Right Now?
Type in the chat box to the right one issue or professional area that you feel could be going better.
Let’s hear your ideas about these issues!

27. Resources
Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, Daniel Pink
Nonviolent Communication, Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD
Working with Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman
Cultivating Collaboration: Don't Be So Defensive! Jim Tamm

29. What’s on your mind?