1. Positive Approaches to Influencing your Children
John Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D. University of Montana, Department of Counselor Education johnsommersflanagan.com

2. Opening Thoughts My favorite survey Why you’re here Why I’m here
Thanks to Brandee Tyree, Underage Substance Abuse Coordinator, Missoula Forum for Children and Youth
My favorite survey
Why you’re here
Why I’m here
The Plan

3. Because Children are the Future Parents are our Focus

4. The Plan
Focus very briefly on foundations for optimal brain development
Have a conversation about four strategies for how parents can influence their children
Offer closing thoughts

5. Foundations of Child and Adolescent Brain Development
Use more words
Use blocks and other manipulatives
Have less screen time
Make emotional connections
Touch in gentle and soothing ways
Expose your children to music – and dancing
Engage with books and reading
Set limits – It’s okay to say no and then show empathy
When your child/teen is obnoxious and nasty, the answer is always “No.”

6. Understanding the Parent Influence Model
What parents want
Parents generally want to know how to be a positive force or influence in their children’s lives So their children turn out relatively happy and free (e.g., not in prison)

7. Approaches to Power/Influence
Direct Power
Indirect Power
Problem-Solving Power
Relationship Power

8. Direct Power Grandma’s Rule
If—Then Consequences (Pre-set rules – ex: curfew and communication)
Passionate Praise
Boring Punishment
Use your voice! (you can even whisper)

9. Direct Power Discussion

10. Indirect Power Modeling Encouragement Character feedback Wagers
Give choices

11. Indirect Power Discussion

12. Problem-Solving Power
Solution talk: How did you manage ?
Behavioral alternatives
What has worked before?
The 4 questions of choice theory
What do you want? What are you doing? Is it working? Should you make a new plan?
Mutual problem-solving

13. Discussing Problem-Solving Power

14. Relationship Power Use recreation and play Use special time
Ask for a favor or I.O.U.
Guilt (I’m disappointed)
Everyday connection (“I love you”)

15. Discussing Relationship Power

16. Everyday Connection

17. Concluding Comments What will you remember?
What principles, strategies, or techniques could you start using right away?

18. For Free Parenting Tip Sheets and Homework Assignments go to:
To access 10 tip sheets and/or “follow” John’s blog go to johnsommersflanagan.com

19. The Families First Website