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Published byМарјета Михајловић Modified over 5 years ago
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Positive Approaches to Influencing your Children
John Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D. University of Montana, Department of Counselor Education johnsommersflanagan.com
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Opening Thoughts My favorite survey Why you’re here Why I’m here
Thanks to Brandee Tyree, Underage Substance Abuse Coordinator, Missoula Forum for Children and Youth My favorite survey Why you’re here Why I’m here The Plan
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Because Children are the Future Parents are our Focus
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The Plan Focus very briefly on foundations for optimal brain development Have a conversation about four strategies for how parents can influence their children Offer closing thoughts
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Foundations of Child and Adolescent Brain Development
Use more words Use blocks and other manipulatives Have less screen time Make emotional connections Touch in gentle and soothing ways Expose your children to music – and dancing Engage with books and reading Set limits – It’s okay to say no and then show empathy When your child/teen is obnoxious and nasty, the answer is always “No.”
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Understanding the Parent Influence Model
What parents want Parents generally want to know how to be a positive force or influence in their children’s lives So their children turn out relatively happy and free (e.g., not in prison)
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Approaches to Power/Influence
Direct Power Indirect Power Problem-Solving Power Relationship Power
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Direct Power Grandma’s Rule
If—Then Consequences (Pre-set rules – ex: curfew and communication) Passionate Praise Boring Punishment Use your voice! (you can even whisper)
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Direct Power Discussion
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Indirect Power Modeling Encouragement Character feedback Wagers
Give choices
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Indirect Power Discussion
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Problem-Solving Power
Solution talk: How did you manage ? Behavioral alternatives What has worked before? The 4 questions of choice theory What do you want? What are you doing? Is it working? Should you make a new plan? Mutual problem-solving
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Discussing Problem-Solving Power
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Relationship Power Use recreation and play Use special time
Ask for a favor or I.O.U. Guilt (I’m disappointed) Everyday connection (“I love you”)
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Discussing Relationship Power
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Everyday Connection
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Concluding Comments What will you remember?
What principles, strategies, or techniques could you start using right away?
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For Free Parenting Tip Sheets and Homework Assignments go to:
To access 10 tip sheets and/or “follow” John’s blog go to johnsommersflanagan.com
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The Families First Website
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