1. Sentence Clarity and Combining
Rationale: Welcome to “Sentence Combining and Clarity.” This presentation is designed to teach your students about common sentence clarity problems, including misplaced modifiers, dangling modifiers, and passive voice, as well as strategies for combining sentences together. The twenty-nine slides presented here are designed to aid the facilitator in an interactive presentation of methods for improving sentence structure. This presentation is ideal within a composition course or within any course as a refresher to common sentence problems.
This presentation may be supplemented with OWL handouts, including “Conciseness: Methods of Eliminating Wordiness” ( “Some Strategies for Improving Sentence Clarity” ( “Dangling Modifiers” ( and “Active/Passive Verbs” (
Directions: Each slide is activated by a single mouse click, unless otherwise noted in bold at the bottom of each notes page.
Writer and Designer: Jennifer Liethen Kunka
Contributors: Muriel Harris, Karen Bishop, Bryan Kopp, Matthew Mooney, David Neyhart, and Andrew Kunka
Developed with resources courtesy of the Purdue University Writing Lab
Grant funding courtesy of the Multimedia Instructional Development Center at Purdue University
© Copyright Purdue University, 2000.
A workshop brought to you by
The Purdue University
Writing Lab
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2. Sentence Clarity Why do we need to be concerned with sentence clarity?
To communicate effectively to the reader
To make writing persuasive
To show credibility and authority as a writer
Key Concepts: This slide reviews the reasons that sentence clarity is an important part of writing. The facilitator may choose to ask the opening question and invite responses from participants.
Communication is the most important function of sentence clarity. For example, a new computer that comes with unclear directions for setting it up may cause errors and frustration for its new owner.
Persuasion is also important. If a job applicant writes a cover letter with unclear, confusing sentences, the applicant will have trouble persuading an employer that he or she is the most qualified for the job.
Finally, clear, well-phrased sentences can demonstrate a writer’s credibility and authority--the mastery of the subject matter and the competency to communicate well to others.
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3. Common clarity problems
Misplaced modifiers
Dangling modifiers
Passive voice
Rationale: This slide establishes the three clarity problems that will be covered in this presentation.
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4. Misplaced Modifiers
a word or phrase that causes confusion because it is located within a sentence so far away from the word(s) to which it refers
Rationale: The formal definition of a misplaced modifier is explained in this slide.
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5. Misplaced Modifiers
Consider the different meanings in the following sentences:
The dog under the tree bit Carrie.
vs.
The dog bit Carrie under the tree.
Examples: The examples in this slide illustrate the importance of the modification phrase or word group. The facilitator may ask students to explain the difference in meaning between the two sentences. The first sentence explains, “That dog under that tree bit Carrie”--the dog is presently located under the tree. The second sentence indicates that the act of biting Carrie occurred under the tree. Depending on the placement of the modification phrase, “under the tree,” the meaning of a sentence can change dramatically.
While this is a simple example to illustrate the importance of modifying phrases, the facilitator may invite students to imagine the confusion misplaced modifiers can cause in directions, legal documents, or business letters.
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6. Misplaced Modifiers
Sometimes misplaced modifiers are used for comic effect:
The other day I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
-- Groucho Marx
Example: Occasionally, misplaced modifiers can be used for comic effect, as in this famous example from Groucho Marx. The facilitator may note that “in my pajamas” is the modifying phrase in this example.
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7. How might you correct the following sentence?
Jennifer called her adorable kitten opening the can of tuna and filled the food bowl.
Better: Opening the can of tuna, Jennifer called her adorable kitten and filled the food bowl.
Activity: The facilitator may ask participants to point out the problem with the first sentence—the kitten is opening the can of tuna. Unless the kitten has opposable thumbs, this is an unlikely scenario. The participant may then ask what the modifying phrase is here—”opening the can of tuna.” This phrase needs to be as close as possible to what it modifies—in this case, Jennifer.
The slide offers one option for correction. Another correct option includes, “Jennifer, opening the can of tuna, called her adorable kitten and filled the food bowl.” A series of verb phrases would also be correct: “Jennifer opened the can of tuna, called her adorable kitten, and filled the food bowl.”
Click mouse to reveal sample sentence and corrected sentence.
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8. How might you correct the following sentence?
Portia rushed to the store loaded with cash to buy the birthday gift.
Better: Portia, loaded with cash, rushed to the store to buy the birthday gift.
Activity: Again, the facilitator may ask participants to define the problem with the first sentence--the store is loaded with cash. The modifying phrase, “loaded with cash,” needs to be placed as close as possible to what it modifies--Portia. The slide offers one correct option; another is “Loaded with cash, Portia rushed to the store to buy the birthday gift.”
Click mouse to reveal sample sentence and corrected sentence.
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9. Misplaced Modifiers Some one-word modifiers often cause confusion:
almost just nearly simply
even hardly merely only
Key Concepts: Not all modification problems are in the form of a phrase. These eight words can also cause confusion within sentences.
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10. Explain the meaning of each sentence:
Almost everyone in the class passed the calculus exam.
Everyone in the class almost passed the calculus exam.
Which sentence indicates that everyone in the class failed the exam?
Activity: The facilitator may ask students to consider the meaning of each sentence and answer the slide’s final question. The second sentence indicates that everyone in the class failed the exam because “almost” modifies the verb “passed.” Everyone “almost passed”--they came close to passing but did not make the grade. In the first sentence, “almost” modifies “everyone.” ”Almost everyone” passed--most people passed, but a few did not.
Click after final question to reveal checkmark.
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11. Explain the meaning of each sentence:
John nearly earned $100.
John earned nearly $100.
Which sentence indicates that John earned some money?
Activity: Again, the facilitator may ask participants to answer the slide’s final question. In the second sentence, “nearly” modifies “$100.” Therefore, “John earned nearly $100”--not quite $100, but perhaps $98. In the first sentence, “nearly” modifies the verb “earned.” “John nearly earned” the money, but he failed to earn it.
Click after final question to reveal checkmark.
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12. Dangling modifiers
a word or phrase that modifies another word or phrase that has not been stated clearly within the sentence
often occur at the beginnings and ends of sentences
often indicated by an -ing verb or a to + verb phrase
Key Concepts: This slide offers a formal definition for dangling modifiers.
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13. Dangling modifiers Having finished dinner, the
football game was turned on.
Having finished dinner, Joe
turned on the football game.
Activity: The facilitator may ask students which sentence is correct. The second sentence is correct because “Having finished dinner” modifies “Joe.” The first sentence contains a dangling modifier--it sounds like the football game just finished dinner. The subject of the modifying phrase, Joe, is absent from the first sentence.
Click to reveal circles around the modified subjects of each sentence.
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14. Dangling modifiers can be repaired by:
placing the subject of the modification phrase as the subject of the independent clause:
Having finished dinner, Joe turned on the football game.
placing the subject of the action within the dangling phrase:
After Joe finished dinner, he turned on the football game.
Key Concepts: There are a couple of ways to repair sentences with dangling modifiers. Each sentence, or independent clause, contains a subject and a verb. The first example refers to the example on the previous slide--the subject, or doer of the action, needs to be placed as the subject of the independent clause. The second example explains the naming of the subject within the dangling phrase.
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15. How might you correct the following sentence?
Playing solitaire on the computer for three hours, Michael’s paper was not completed.
Better: Playing solitaire on the computer for three hours, Michael did not complete his paper.
Better: Because Michael played solitaire on the computer for three hours, he did not complete his paper.
Activity: The facilitator may choose to have participants describe the problem with the sentence—Michael’s paper has played solitaire for three hours--and offer suggestions for correction. The first option corrects the sentence by placing Michael, the doer of the action, as the subject of the sentence. The second option corrects the sentence by placing “Michael” within the modification phrase.
Click mouse to reveal corrected versions.
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16. How might you correct the following sentence?
Locked away in the old chest, Richard was surprised by the antique hats.
Better: Locked away in the old chest, the antique hats surprised Richard.
Better: The antique hats locked away in the old chest surprised Richard.
Activity: The facilitator may again have participants identify the error within the sentence--Richard is locked away in the old chest--and offer corrected versions. The first option is corrected by “antique hats” in the subject position. The second is improved by eliminating the introductory phrase and placing the modifying phrase, “locked away in the old chest,” after “antique hats.”
Click mouse to reveal corrected versions.
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17. How might you correct the following sentence?
To work as a loan officer, an education in financial planning is required.
Better: To work as a loan officer, one is required to have an education in financial planning.
Activity: The facilitator may pause over this sentence to discuss the error. This sentence begins with a to + verb phrase, or infinitive phrase. In this sentence, the education is going to work as a loan officer. The problem here is that there is no subject to go with the dangling phrase. Participants will need to insert a subject, such as “one,” to correct the sentence.
Click mouse to reveal corrected version.
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18. How might you correct the following sentence?
Being a process that still needs to be refined, scientists are searching for a more effective plan for chemotherapy treatment.
Better: Scientists are searching for a more effective plan for chemotherapy treatment, a process that still needs to be refined.
Activity: The facilitator may have students define the problem with the initial sentence--that the “scientists” are the “process that still needs to be refined.” This sentence is best corrected by changing the dangling phrase to a modifying phrase referring to “chemotherapy treatment” at the end of the sentence.
Click mouse to reveal corrected version.
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19. Passive Voice
indicates what is receiving the action rather than explaining who is doing the action
two indicators
"to be" verbs—is, are, was, were
"by ________”
Examples:
Mistakes were made.
The cats were brushed by Laura.
Key Concepts: Passive voice is another common clarity problem, primarily because the subject of the action is not indicated clearly within the sentence. A sentence with passive voice always contains a form of the verb “to be” and may contain a phrase starting with “by.”
Activity: The facilitator may choose to have participants explain why the two examples are passive. In the first example, the facilitator may ask “Who made the mistakes?” The answer cannot be given because the doer of the action is omitted from the sentence. Sometimes passive voice is used purposely; politicians often use passive voice to avoid giving assigning agency to an action. Passive voice in the second example is indicated by “were” and “by.” The sentence can be made a more direct statement by placing the doer of the action in the subject position: “Laura brushed the cats.”
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20. How might you improve the following sentence?
The decision that was reached by the committee was to postpone the vote.
Better: The committee reached the decision to postpone the vote.
Best: The committee decided to postpone the vote.
Activity: The facilitator may ask participants to explain why the sentence is passive--”was” and “by”--and to offer improved versions. The “better” version eliminates the passive voice problem by playing the doer of the action, “the committee,” in the subject position. The “best” version, however, preview the next section on sentence combining by eliminating unnecessary words for a more direct statement.
Click mouse to reveal corrected versions.
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21. How might you correct the following sentence?
The disk drive of the computer was damaged by the electrical surge.
Better: The electrical surge damaged the disk drive of the computer.
Best: The electrical surge damaged the computer's disk drive.
Activity: Again, passive voice is indicated by “was” and “by.” The “better” example eliminates the passive voice problem, but the “best” example eliminates unnecessary words by changing “of the computer” into the possessive form, “computer’s.”
Click mouse to reveal corrected versions.
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22. Sentence Combining Why should we know about sentence combining?
To build clarity
To avoid wordiness
To avoid redundancy
Keys to sentence combining:
Create adjectives
Create properly placed modifying clauses
Eliminate unnecessary or repetitive phrases
Key Concepts: Sentence combining is also important for clear, smooth, yet sophisticated writing. This slide offers reasons for combining sentences as well as effective combining tips.
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23. Consider the following paragraph:
The boy struggled to ride his bike. The boy is four years old and he is feisty. The bike is new and it is a light blue color. The boy received the bike for his birthday. He struggled for two hours. However, he was unsuccessful in riding the bike.
Activity: The facilitator may choose to read this paragraph aloud and ask students how it sounds. The short, choppy, simplistic, and repetitive sentences sound more like elementary school writing rather than college-level discourse. Sentence combining can be effective in eliminating redundant phrases and creating a smoother, more polished sentence. The facilitator may ask students to try to combine all of this information into one smooth sentence. The next slide has a sample answer.
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24. Sentence Combining
The boy struggled to ride his bike. The boy is four years old and he is feisty. The bike is new and it is a light blue color. The boy received the bike for his birthday. He struggled for two hours. However, he was unsuccessful in riding the bike.
The feisty four-year-old boy struggled unsuccessfully for two hours to ride his new light blue birthday bike.
Activity: Students may come up with a variety of different sentence combinations in their responses. It is important, however, that modifying words and phrases refer to their proper subjects. Run-on sentences (two independent sentences joined together) should also be avoided.
Click mouse to reveal combined version.
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25. Sentence Combining
The animal trainer dove into the pool. The trainer was skilled and athletic. She was excited when she dove into the pool. She swam with two dolphins. The dolphins were babies. The dolphins were playful. The trainer swam with the dolphins for over an hour. When the trainer swam with the dolphins, she was happy.
Activity: The facilitator should distribute the student worksheets and have the participants try to combine each paragraph into a single sentence.
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26. Sentence Combining
The animal trainer dove into the pool. The trainer was skilled and athletic. She was excited when she dove into the pool. She swam with two dolphins. The dolphins were babies. The dolphins were playful. The trainer swam with the dolphins for over an hour. When the trainer swam with the dolphins, she was happy.
The skilled, athletic animal trainer excitedly dove into the pool and happily swam for over an hour with two playful baby dolphins.
Activity: Students may have a variety of answers to share, but the facilitator should again watch out for run-on sentences and misplaced modifiers.
Click mouse to reveal combined version.
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27. Sentence Combining
The blizzard contained strong winds and heavy snow. During the snowstorm, the roof of the town library collapsed. The roof of the post office did the same. The blowing snow covered the county roads. Schools cancelled classes due to the white-out conditions.
Activity: Again, participants should try to combine these sentences into one. The facilitator may remind students that they can eliminate excess information or redundant phrases.
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28. Sentence Combining
The blizzard contained strong winds and heavy snow. During the snowstorm, the roof of the town library collapsed. The roof of the post office did the same. The blowing snow covered the county roads. Schools cancelled classes due to the white-out conditions.
The blizzard, containing strong winds and heavy snow, caused the roofs of the town library and the post office to collapse, created white-out conditions on county roads, and forced schools to cancel classes.
Activity: This example contains a lot of redundancy. By definition, a blizzard is a snowstorm that contains strong wind and heavy,blowing snow. Some of these terms might be eliminated. For writers seeking to create a dramatic effect, some of these details might be left in the combined sentence. Again, there are many different ways to combine these sentences together. Misplaced modifiers and run-ons should be avoided.
After completing the exercise, the facilitator may ask participants for questions.
Click mouse to reveal combined version.
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