1. emotional intelligence for sex ed CRASH COURSE
Karen B. K. Chan
fluidexchange.org @karenbkchan

2. our time together messaging emotions empathy case scenario
rapport & influence
case scenario
reality & tolerance

3. 1 emotions a literacy not against rationality not positive/negative
complex + contradictory
tolerance, masks
part of health
vital for change.

4. emotions & sex ed LISTEN & SHOW IT RAPPORT (what they feel) CHOICE &
INTERVENTION HERE
LISTEN & SHOW IT
RAPPORT
(what they feel)
CHOICE &
CHANGE
EMPATHY
(what you feel)
EARNED
INFLUENCE

5. reality perception & tolerance2
reality perception & tolerance
perceive what is
notice masks
equanimity
practice
tend to your stuff
be honest about judgment.

6. what’s so hard about reality?
Client doesn’t adhere to regime or what’s “good for them”
Client feels hopeless or despair about change
Client doesn’t trust or like you
What do you want the reality to be?
What is the actual reality?

7. 3 3 empathy pause present tense service (not about you!)
PHOTO OF A FOREST HERE
pause
present tense
service (not about you!)
don’t fix (yet)
open
observe
ask
echo
mirror.

8. Don’t just do something. Sit there!
~Marshall Rosenberg

9. banana banana A: apple B: apple A: banana B: banana
A: I love… B: you love…
A: I fear… B: you fear…

10. 4 4 rapport & influence this is something THEY feel feeling words
symbols & poetic language

11. 5 messaging feelings stories message what i told you
what you sense from me
listening + empathy
stories
message
what are my inner voices?
what are my questions?
meaning-making
what are my options?
what can i expect?
what is your advice?
what permissions can you give?

12. 6 case 1: using condoms feelings stories message
use a condom, every time
use it correctly, here’s how
get them here
get tested
talk to your partner about it
CONVENTIONAL MESSAGING

13. 6 case 1: using condoms feelings stories message
dreadful excited anxious
burdened shy angry
embarrassed disgusted bored
uncertain aroused resentful
worried regretful amused
self-conscious hopeful indifferent relieved avoidant proud 6
case 1:
using condoms
feelings
stories
do i really have to?
who do you think i am?
i hope i can manage
i don’t want to think about it
it’s weird & tight
i’m turned on
yuck!
oh no… i didn’t use one before
i don’t care
i would die if i had to buy them
what if my partner gets mad?
what if it doesn’t work?
message
it can seem gross, yes!
some concern about tightness
many find it awkward
symbol of trust – discussion
practising is ok
how to get them
how will staff react?
anxiety about sti risks
concerns about messing things up (relationship, condom, pregnancy)
EI-INFORMED MESSAGING

14. 6 case 2: sexual decision making feelings stories message
CONVENTIONAL MESSAGING
get sexual consent
it’s ok to say no, or yes, or maybe
communicate with your partner
talk about sex outside of sex

15. 6 case 2: sexual decision making feelings stories message
excited in love distracted
horny secretive lonely
happy longing self-conscious
hopeful worried confident
anxious pressured disappointed
sad impatient patient
heartbroken protective curious 6
case 2:
sexual decision making
feelings
stories
message
EI-INFORMED MESSAGING
am i a good kisser?
will anyone kiss me?
what does sex feel like?
is it ok to never have sex?
who has had sex?
why does it seem so gross?
is there such a thing as a good kisser?
worries about how sex works
worries about pain (physical, emotional)
permission to have and not have sex
how do you know if someone is into you?
how do you get what you want?
how can you know what you want?

16. you can find me (& slides) at fluidexchange.org
Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, and it’s very important that you do it. ~ Mahatma Ghandi
thank you!
you can find me (& slides) at fluidexchange.org