1. A Mitotic Fairy Tale by Laura Foster
The Cave!
A Mitotic Fairy Tale
by Laura Foster

2. One day, two poor thieves, brothers, were wandering around the woods looking for a safe place to hide their recently-acquired treasures. They finally came to a cave. In that cave there were many caverns and twisting passages in which to hide riches. The thieves, realizing that they had found a respectable place to hide their treasures, put a spell over the cave that would ensure that only the brothers could open it. They sealed the cave with a random phrase (“Open, Sesame!”) and left. The secret cave assured their enormous fortunes and allowed the brothers to grow quite wealthy.

3. After their fortunes were assured, the brothers married and had many children. These children, when they reached adulthood, were given the secret to the cave. However, the riches caused the bonds between the many cousins to weaken, as each family decided that they were meant to have the greater part of the wealth. The fathers also grew apart, and moved to opposite sides of the country—though equally away from the cave almost to the inch. The fathers sent spies to watch the cave in case their children should prove to be foolish and fight amongst themselves.

4. One day, the foolish cousins lined up in front of the cave to once and for all decide which family would merely covet the jewels and which family would own them all. They were ready to brawl. The male cousins cursed and made suggestive motions, while the female cousins simply spat at each other.

5. However, the spies saw this folly and quickly got word back to the patriarchs of each family. As the young relatives started to brawl, the spies forcefully calmed them and brought each group back to their homes on the opposite sides of the country.

6. The cave was sealed for what was thought to be all eternity with its treasures inside. However, this some-what peaceable ending to the fight wrought only a greater rift between the kinsmen, and soon they considered themselves to be two completely different clans, though their affable fathers still communicated annoyingly often.

7. Unfortunately for all involved, this was not the end of the strife the little cave in the middle of Persia would cause. That, however, is another story, concerning a certain woodcutter named Ali Baba (and Forty Thieves)…