1. Intimacy
Chapter 10

2. What do we mean by intimacy?

3. Intimacy as an Adolescent Issue
Not until adolescence do truly intimate relationships first emerge
Characteristics of true intimacy openness, honesty, self-disclosure, and trust
Intimacy becomes an important concern due to changes of puberty, cognitive changes, and social changes
Food for Thought: In your view, what are the defining features of an “intimate” relationship?
Do you agree with the assertion that genuine intimacy in relationships does not appear before adolescence? Page 331

4. Theoretical Perspectives on Adolescent Intimacy
Sullivan’s Developmental progression of needs:
need for contact and for tenderness
need for adult participation
need for peers and peer acceptance
Need for intimacy
Need for sexual contact and intimacy with opposite-sex peer
Need for integration into adult society
Page 332
contact and for tenderness - infancy
adult participation - early childhood
peers and peer acceptance - middle childhood
According to Sullivan, the need for intimacy emerges in preadolescence and is typically satisfied through same-sex friendships. During adolescence, this need is integrated with sexual impulses and desires, and the focus of the adolescent’s interpersonal concerns are redirected toward romantic relationships with peers.
Food for Thought: According to Sullivan, intimacy first develops in same-sex friendships. Given the differences in the ways that males and females are socialized how might we expect male and female versions of intimacy to differ? Page 334

5. Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the Nature of Friendship
Companionship appears before adolescence
Intimacy emerges later
Early adolescence
Self-disclosure and trust emerge as dimensions of friendship
Page 338

6. Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the Nature of Friendship
Conflicts that adolescents have with friends
Older adolescents typically have conflicts over private matters
Younger adolescents typically have conflicts over public disrespect
Page 339
During middle adolescence (ages 13 – 15) concerns about loyalty and anxieties over rejections become more pronounced and may temporarily overshadow concerns about intimate self-disclosure.

7. The Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the Display of Intimacy
Adolescents become more knowledgeable about their friends
Adolescents become more responsive to close friends and less controlling
Friends become more interpersonally sensitive and show more empathy
Friends resolve conflicts more frequently by negotiation or disengagement, not coercion
Pages
Food for Thought: Do you remember your first intimate friendship? What made the relationship different from other friendships that you had previously had? Page 343

8. The Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Sex Differences in Intimacy
Girls’ relationships are more intimate than boys’ across many different indicators
Girls disclose more to their friends
Girls are more sensitive and empathic to friends
Girls are more concerned about trust and loyalty
Food for Thought: What aspects of the transition into adolescence differ for girls and boys that might account for sex differences in intimacy?
Page 345

9. The Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the “Targets” of Intimacy
Different types of intimate relationships with parents and peers
Parent-adolescent relationships
Imbalance of power, teens receive advice
Adolescent peer relationships
Mutual, balanced, equal exchanges
Peers become more important but parents do not become unimportant. Page 345

10. The Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Friendships with the Other Sex
Little is known about the nature or significance or nonromantic relationships with opposite-sex peers
Boys may profit more from these relationships than do girls
Food for Thought: Although systemic research has not been conducted on the topic, anecdotal evidence indicates that many more of today’s adolescents have nonromantic friendships with other-sex peers than had been the case in earlier generations. Why do you think this is? Page 353
McGraw-Hill Visual Assets DataBase has a video clip on “Relationships with Boys” that would fit with this lecture. The title of this slide provides a hyperlink to that page. Make sure that you have opened the site with your password before the lecture begins.
15-year-old Girls' Relationships with Boys
TWO WHITE FEMALES, 15 YEARS & MULTICULTURAL, 15 YEARS. In this clip we hear three high school students talk about how their relationships with boys have changed since middle school. They discuss how boys are more mature in high school and are often easier to talk to than girls.

11. Dating and Romantic Relationships

12. Class Activity Recall your first date… Letting your child date…
How old were you?
How did you approach the boy/girl you liked?
Where did you go?
Alone or in a group?
How did it go?
Letting your child date…
At what age would you allow?
Any rules or limitations?
Any advantages or disadvantages to allowing your child to date? Will dating expose your child to any situations that you might not feel comfortable with?

13. Dating and Romantic Relationships
High school dating no longer has the function of mate selection
Romantic relationships are very common, in the past 18 months
25% of 12-years-olds reported having one
50% of 15-year-olds reported having one
70% of 18-year-olds reported having one

14. Dating and Romantic Relationships
The Development of Dating Relationships
Dating serves many purposes, besides developing intimacy
Establishing emotional and behavioral autonomy from parents
Furthering development of gender identity
Learning about oneself as a romantic partner
Establishing/maintaining status and popularity in peer group

15. Dating and Romantic Relationships
The Development of Dating Relationships
Four Phases of Adolescent Romance
Infatuation
Status
Intimate
Bonding
May not apply to sexual-minority youth, those who are not exclusively heterosexual
Page 357

16. Dating and Romantic Relationships
Impact of Dating on Adolescent Development
Early and intensive dating before age 15
Stunting effect on psychosocial development
Adolescent girls who do not date at all
Retarded social development, excessive dependency on parents, feelings of insecurity
Moderate degree of dating
Potentially most valuable pattern
Pages

17. Intimacy and Adolescent Psychosocial Development
Negative effects can occur as well
Frequent conversations about personal problems
can lead to too much introspection and self-consciousness
“Corumination” between friends
can make each of the friends depressed

18. Intimacy and Adolescent Psychosocial Development
Individuals with satisfying close friendships
do better than those without them, in adolescence and in adulthood
Psychologically healthy adolescents are better able
to make and maintain close relationships with others
Food for Thought: Studies find that it is more important to adolescent mental health to have one close friend than to be popular. Why do you think this is the case? Page 361