1. Building Leadership Capacity
Slide Intent
Cover slide
Key Messages
Facilitation Notes
Managing Conflict
New Reality Leadership
Copyright 2010 New Reality Leadership, All Rights Reserved

2. What is the cost of Conflict?
In small groups:
Pick a conflict that one team member has experienced
Have the person describe the conflict to the others briefly. Share if the conflict was resolved well or not
If resolved well, describe what was done effectively
If not done well, describe what was not done effectively
Try to describe any costs associated with the conflict. For example, wasted time in meetings, lack of productivity, working weekends, missed customer opportunities. If there are any associated dollar amounts, have them list those as well
Slide Intent
Open a discussion to help build value for why this topic will be useful for the participants
Key Messages
Break participants into small groups
Give them 5-7 minutes to discuss the questions
Debrief per the facilitator guide
Facilitation Notes
This exercise is to build value for why it is important to focus on conflict vs. letting it go. Keep the results of this discussion visible so you can refer back to it during the session (s).
Chart the key points and report back in 5-7 minutes

3. Objectives Understand root causes of conflicts
Determine ways to reduce the number of conflicts in your team
Use assessments and diagnostics tools to highlight potential sources of conflicts within your team
Use the Iceberg Model to help discover the hidden parts of conflicts
Discuss the Amygdala Hi-Jack process and how it creates conflicts within a team
Create a team plan of selected activities you will focus on during next year
Add the tools to your overall coaching process for your team
Slide Intent
Present objectives.
Key Messages
Agenda is what actions you will take. Objectives discussion what you will accomplish by the end of the session by completing the agenda items.
The objectives are reviewed at the end of the session as well in just a slightly different format so the participants will know what they were supposed to accomplish and learn.
Facilitation Notes
It is a good facilitation practice to review the objectives at the beginning and end of a session so participants know what to focus on through the session. Notice the slight difference in wording from this slide to the last objective slide.

4. Agenda
Include your agenda here based on what and how much you cover in the session or subsequent sessions.
Slide Intent
Present the Agenda
Key Messages
Share the agenda. Post this on the wall as well either by making a poster from this slide or making a chart to hang.
Facilitation Notes
By posting the agenda, you can refer to it as you work through the session. Participants like to know where they are in the overall session.

5. Expectations
What Expectations do you have of the work we will do with Conflict resolution?
Slide Intent
Present the Expectations
Key Messages
It is helpful to get specific expectations from the group
If you know there are some expectations you can not address, note these and discuss
You can put these on another list if there are possible ways to address in other processes
At the end of the sessions, refer to these expectations to see if any were met and what else the person might need
Facilitation Notes

6. Team Dynamic Assessment
Context
Conflicts are better understood and addressed if we know how our team members approach various team situations.
To Do
Discover how you personally approach various situations associated with team relations.
How
Fill in the Team Dynamic Assessment in your books and be prepared to discuss the implications with the rest of the group. Take 5 minutes to complete the assessment.
Slide Intent
Provide exercise instructions.
Key Messages
See the workbook and facilitator guide for guidance on facilitating this exercise.
Facilitation Notes
5 minutes

7. Team Dynamic Assessment Debrief
Divide into two groups…those with scores less than 30 and those with scores 30 or higher
What strengths do you bring to the team from your perspective?
What do you need to watch for from your perspective?
Thinking of the other group, what strengths do you feel they bring to the team?
What do they need to watch for?
What should the other group consider that would help you most?
Slide Intent
Debrief Exercise
Key Messages
Use the questions in the workbook to help debrief this session.
Allow enough time for participants to discuss
If possible, get participants to apply learnings specifically to their team
Facilitation Notes
Keep the results of this exercise and use for subsequent meetings and discussions. It is helpful to refer back to the learnings from this exercise as you learn and apply other team principles.

8. Iceberg Conflict Perspective
Visible behaviors
Most conflicts have a visible portion and a hidden portion. As shown, more of a conflict is hidden and not clear. It is important to spend time listening, inquiring for understanding, and not prejudging what is unknown.
Hidden feelings, frustrations, insecurities, fears, anxieties, desires, hidden anger
Slide Intent
Introduce the Iceberg Model
Key Messages
The iceberg model is used in may circumstances to show the need to look beyond the visible behaviors of people to the invisible feelings, fears, attitudes, mindsets.
If the visible behaviors are the only thing addressed, the conflict may be calmed for a short period of time but not necessarily longer term since the root of the issue may not have been addressed.
Facilitation Notes
Make a poster of the iceberg model to use in this module and other modules as well. There are many versions of the model you can choose. This is one made for this process.

9. Iceberg Conflict Perspective
Visible behaviors
Hidden feelings, frustrations, insecurities, fears, anxieties, desires, hidden anger
Slide Intent
Use for exercise
Key Messages
This slide provides a visual for participants to do the exercise in book.
Have participants work in small groups to answer the questions and then share back with larger group.
Facilitation Notes
In small groups, discuss the questions related to the iceberg model and apply these questions to the listed conflict

10. Recap
In pairs, discuss a couple things that have stood out to you specifically
How can you apply these areas?
Slide Intent
Recap
Key Messages
Pair up the participants and have them share a key learning.
Have them think about ways to apply the learning
Ask for some examples once they are done. Get as many as time allows
Facilitation Notes
5 minutes

11. The Amygdala Response Fight, fright or freeze responses
Typically a response that is not easy to control…your brain initially takes charge and you have to override the response
With practice, you can make a few choices especially around the Fight Response, which often causes or escalates conflicts
Slide Intent
Introduce the Amygdala Concept
Key Messages
The goal of this section is to make folks aware of the concept so they recognize when it occurs.
It is more of a general conversation vs. a longer group exercise
Provide time for participants to reflect personally on any actions they need to take around this
Facilitation Notes

12. The Amygdala Response
Your role as a leader with the Amygdala Response:
Learn to manage your response in a mature, effective way
Coach your team to also understand the phenomenon and learn the correct response
Hold yourself and the team accountable to shift behaviors appropriately
Slide Intent
Key Messages
Facilitation Notes

13. Strategies to Manage the Amygdala Response
In your assigned group, describe each step and why it is helpful. Use workbooks. Discuss for 5 minutes and report back to group
Group 1: Stop
Group 2: Oxygenate
Group 3: Strengthen Appreciation
Group 4: Survey the Landscape
Slide Intent
Optional Exercise
Key Messages
This exercise provides a chance for them to discuss a little deeper some strategies to manage the Amygdala hijack process.
It is fine for them to come up with additional ideas in their report out.
Facilitation Notes
What other strategies have helped you manage the Fight Response?
Discuss for 5 to 10 minutes.

14. Reacting to Failure Balancing Advocacy and Inquiry Avoid Advocate
React too quickly or harshly
Advocate
Coach
Instruct
Influence
Negotiate
See Effective Feedback and Difficult Conversations
Inquire
Inquire, Reflect, Ask, Digest, Listen
This module’s focus
Mistake or Failure
Slide Intent
This slide illustrates the importance of gathering information before we react to it. The intent is to help them visualize this model so they can inquire about the problem they encounter before reacting to it. It is also to help them understand that this costs the leader nothing but pays huge dividends.
Key Messages
As conflicts and issues arise, we have 3 basic ways to respond. One is to just hide and avoid it. In some cases, this might be OK but in most, it is not. Secondly, we can react and respond quickly and possibly miss some key considerations that we need before responding. Third, and most effective, we can take time to ask questions, gather some information and ensure we have not made inaccurate assumptions before we reply.
The goal is to learn how to see an issue and before judging it or attempting to solve the situation, taking the time to ask non-judgmental questions, reflect on the situation, digest the information appropriately, really listen with an open mind. Then, once we see the entire picture, enter into a dialog that allows proper communication.
One of the bigger mistakes leaders make is to react too quickly to situations they see. This quickly demotivates a person.
Optional questions
Ask: “How much does this cost a leader to do”?
Ask: “What is the potential return on following this model”?

15. The Amygdala: Your Response
In your workbook, list any actions you personally need to take in this area to be more effective
List any actions such as coaching you may need to provide to your team.
For example, one leader said that a team member was just prone to anger outbursts and everyone just let him blow off the steam. As a leader, do you feel this is OK? How would you respond? What are some consequences of allowing this behavior?
Slide Intent
Personal application
Key Messages
Allow a few minutes for participants to fill in some ideas and applications in their workbooks.
Facilitation Notes

16. The Listening Connection
In your assigned groups:
Think of a conflict that may have been caused by poor listening
Describe how the lack of listening created or escalated the conflict
Slide Intent
Small group exercise
Key Messages
It is important to see a connection between conflicts and listening. This discussion highlights examples.
Facilitation Notes
There is a full module on listening., If this module has been done, the main mindset of the facilitator is to reinforce the concept and get the participants to see the connection between listening and conflicts.

17. The Listening Connection: 30/70 Balance
What is the 30/70 Listening Balance?
Do you agree with this balance?
When is this balance most needed (it is not always required)
Slide Intent
Listening discussion
Key Messages
As a leader, it is important to inquire more and tell less. Often conflicts arise when leaders jump to conclusions or do not full understand the employees or team’s thought processes.
30/70 is not an exact balance but emphasizes that much more listening should take place especially before any advocating is done.
Facilitation Notes
Lacking the listening competency is perhaps one of the biggest reasons for employees leaving a group or company. If an employee feels like they are at least heard and their ideas considered, they will stay engaged. If the employee gets cut off or their ideas not fully countenanced, they will check out literally or figuratively. Not all the ideas have to be implemented…it is just knowing they were considered and respected.

18. The Listening Connection
On a Post-it, write down your listening ratio overall
Amount of time talking / amount of time listening
especially during conversations where you are helping or coaching others
50/50, 60/40, 90/10, 30/70, etc
Have someone collect these and put on a chart from lowest listening to highest listening
80/ / / / /70
If you are comfortable, discuss the implications of your number. If you are a higher talker, what is one thing you could do to shift to more listening? If you are more of a listener, what do you do that helps shift your balance in this way?
Slide Intent
Conduct an interesting exercise to emphasize the 30/70 balance
Key Messages
Conduct the exercise per the chart.
Once they are arranged in order, discuss any implications of the differences and the range. For example, if one person is 20/80 and one is 80/20, what do they both need to consider during their interactions.
An effective leader and coach learns how to shift toward 30/70 when needed especially during difficult discussions, helping others, solving problems, etc.
Facilitation Notes

19. The Listening Connection
Discuss as a group…
What is your view of the 30/70 and how critical do you think this concept is to being an effective leader?
30/70
When I am in a conversation and am tempted to reply with my story, I often see this mental picture of the 30/70 over my head. It stops me from replying and causes me to ask more follow up questions to the person.
Slide Intent
Some optional discussions based on group need
Key Messages
These are some additional ideas you can use or discuss based on group needs.
The 30/70 bubble really works. Once people catch themselves a few times by not responding with their story but continue to ask follow up questions and inquire more, they will soon almost ‘see’ the bubble appear during conversations.
Facilitation Notes

20. Application
What specific action will you take personally?
As a leader of my team?
Think about it…
In reality, most people do not care about the details of our stories. They may be polite and listen but they also may have checked out mentally. Be balanced with the amount of detail you provide as a rule except in specific situations
Slide Intent
Recap
Key Messages
Pair up the participants and have them share a key learning.
Have them think about ways to apply the learning
Ask for some examples once they are done. Get as many as time allows
Facilitation Notes
5 minutes

21. Analyzing Character As a large group
Pull out the character assessment you filled in as prework
Or, fill in now if not completed.
How is this concept connected to conflict resolution?
As a leader, what can you do to use this concept to strengthen your team?
Slide Intent
Begin the discussion on Character
Key Messages
Ask participants to get out their completed assessments. If they have not done, they will need a few minutes to complete
Have an open discussion about these questions
Facilitation Notes

22. Analyzing Character Small group breakout
On a personal level
Each person share one quality you feel you do well
List a quality you feel you may overuse at times
Has the overuse led to any tension or conflict within your team that you know of?
From a coaching perspective
Using the person you assessed, what is one positive characteristic?
What is one over use or lack of a quality that may be causing tension or conflict with the group?
What coaching approach can you use to help balance the employee in this area?
Slide Intent
Small group exercise instructions
Key Messages
Use groups of 2 or 3 for this discussion
Not everyone will be open about exposing challenging issues so give the group options
A key focus is to conduct the exercise inwardly and then use as a coaching process to help strengthen the character of the employees.
Facilitation Notes

23. Analyzing Character Application
When appropriate, use this list to help you see strengths and opportunities for your team. Often we see issues but can not always put our finger on the cause.
When we say leaders are coaches, this is one tool you can use to enhance your coaching skills.
Slide Intent
Application ideas
Key Messages
Encourage leaders to use this tool as part of their coaching tool key. If a person or several people are having interpersonal issues, they can use this tool along with the others to diagnose if there is a characteristic that is not used or overused.
Facilitation Notes

24. A Team Code
If you do this activity, review the facilitator guide for ideas that may best help your team. If needed, add some powerpoints or handouts to help you facilitate the discussion
The goal of this activity is to ensure the team creates it’s own code of how they will handle a conflict. The code should not be dictated to them.
If a team already has some code of conduct they use, have them review it for possible upgrades.
Slide Intent
Introduce the Team Code of Commitment
Key Messages
As a leader, it is important to get the team to own how they will manage conflicts.
Interdependent teams (Performing teams) are able to manage most conflicts on their own in a healthy way.
As a leader, your role is to build the skills and back up over time and trust the group in these areas.
Facilitation Notes

25. Application: You are the Coach
Conflict Topics
Have a person in your assigned group pick a conflict or go back to one of the original conflicts that were listed and see which tools or concepts might be connected to the conflict situation. If you were the coach, how could you apply these tools to best address the situation?
If the conflict is not related to a discussed solution, list what ideas may help resolve the conflict.
Team Dynamic Assessment
The Iceberg Model
The Amygdala Response
Listening Connection
Analyzing Character
Creating a Team Code of Conduct
Conflict Analysis
Slide Intent
Coaching application.
Key Messages
Now that the team has some tools, they need to think of current or past conflicts to see if any of those conflicts were related to one or more of the discussed topics.
Chart the ones they identified and also list ones not discussed in this package. There are many more areas and tools to consider. You may find other team activities you want to focus on later.
Facilitation Notes
It is a good facilitation practice to review the objectives at the beginning and end of a session so participants know what to focus on through the session.
Most of the learning actually takes place after the session through application. Ensure there is an emphasis on how they will apply the skill. Ideally, there should be a follow up session to have them share their experiences.

26. Competency Connection
The goal of leadership development is to help improve leader behaviors to positively impact the business.
Customers are not willing to pay for time spent on conflict resolution. All teams will have conflict. Addressing conflicts effectively reduces wasted time.
Leaders of leaders should highlight behavior of leaders who build strong teams.
What competencies are strengthened by coaching the team through conflict reduction or resolution?
Slide Intent
Connect the competency process to this module.
Key Messages
These statements are just a few perspectives of leadership and competency.
The goal is to think beyond the training to what applications are needed and why they are important. For example, a good leader/coach proactively does things to build a stronger, performing team vs. mitigate conflicts after they occur.
If a leader of leaders highlights the value of being proactive and acknowledges leaders who take time to build the team, the overall leadership behaviors will begin to shift to this proactive approach.
See next slide for deeper competency focus.
Facilitation Notes
It is a good facilitation practice to review the objectives at the beginning and end of a session so participants know what to focus on through the session.
Most of the learning actually takes place after the session through application. Ensure there is an emphasis on how they will apply the skill. Ideally, there should be a follow up session to have them share their experiences.

27. Competency Connection
The main competency of leaders discussed in this module is:
Manages conflicts and difficult performance issues
How are these other competencies strengthened by coaching the team through conflict reduction or resolution?
Builds strong teams
Manages Performance
Listens actively
Builds solid teams
Interacts well with employees
Slide Intent
Connect module to key leadership competencies which drives performance
Key Messages
As you conclude this module, it is important for the leader to see the tools presented as coaching tools to help the team through challenges.
Ideally, a leader will be proactive in the team building process. The leader can help the team understand the various tools and approaches to conflict presented here plus the many other available tools.
A longer term goal is for the leader to build an interdependent team that is able to self manage the conflicts as a self directed team.
Facilitation Notes
You can simply review these and have the larger group discuss the connection or break the group up and assign a competency to them, allow them to talk for a couple minutes, and ask them to share how they think the competency is strengthened by applying the content of this module. The big goal in training is that there is only a small percentage of change by going through the module. Engrafting the concepts into the leader’s and teams coaching process is where the real impact is made.

28. The Role of the Leader Slide Intent
Provide Role of the Leader Models on one slide
Key Messages
These are the key models presented in this module.
Make copies for each participant to hand out so they can post in their office or operating area.
Consider making several larger posters for meeting rooms as a reminder of the models and key messages for reference during leadership meetings
Facilitation Notes
Each module has one or a couple key leadership models associated with the content. It is difficult to remember all of the particular points of a training session. Models, though, help provide the key points and are helpful for follow up discussions and coaching.

29. Next Steps
What actions do you or your team need to do to apply one or more concepts from this module?
Create an action plan of what you will do, who, and by when
See suggested application ideas at end of module
Slide Intent
Review of the module by asking for a key learning from the participants
Key Messages
Ask each participant for one key learning from this module.
Value of this exercise is for all participants to see how other leaders are applying the skill or knowledge, which often helps them see possible ways to apply the skill as well.
Facilitation Notes

30. Closing thoughts…
What is one key insight you gained during this discussion that will help you in your leadership?
Slide Intent
Review of the module by asking for a key learning from the participants
Key Messages
Ask each participant for one key learning from this module.
Value of this exercise is for all participants to see how other leaders are applying the skill or knowledge, which often helps them see possible ways to apply the skill as well.
Facilitation Notes