1. REVISING GOAL Make sure you have the required number of details
Make sure details are specific enough
Make sure the context is fully explained
Pretend like your mom is reading the paper and is unaware of what we’ve been learning in class...
Explain who people are, describe events and activities

2. # of details Do you have…
Two details from written sources?
“Smile” poem
Columbine article
Rachel’s essay
Sit-Ins article (859) or poem (857)
Two details from PowerPoint Presentations, activities we’ve done or movie clips?
One personal story explaining a situation you or someone you know experienced?
A sixth detail of your choice?

3. If you’re missing any details…
Make note of it on your rough draft
Determine which details you could add to meet the requirements
When we go to the lab, add them in.
Add specifics by visiting the website (tmsthompson.pbworks.com) and using your notes

4. Are your details specific enough?
Directions:
Look at the following detail that would get full points…
Look at the details afterward and determine whether or not they would get full points or if they need more specifics.

5. P2: Remaining nonviolent is one of the many ways of making a positive impact.
P3: For example: When the bus boycott was in motion, many important black people’s houses were bombed to try to get the common people to start riding the bus again. One of those important people was Martin Luther King Jr., who had his house bombed. P4:The mad crowds that surrounded the ruins wanted to fight back for what they knew was right. P4: MLK Jr. gave a speech about how violence never helped anyone but only made the situation worse! P4: The mob listened and continued on according to the plan which eventually made the boycott successful in ending segregation on the busses.

6. Now, check these ones
Thumbs up = good specific detail, would get full points
Thumbs sideways = sort of specific but needs more explanation
Thumbs down = way too vague and general, needs specifics

7. P2: Remaining nonviolent is one of the many ways of making a positive impact.
P3: For example, during the bus boycotts people remained nonviolent. P4: MLK Jr. had his house bombed, but he asked people to stay nonviolent which they listened to.

8. P2: Remaining nonviolent is one of the many ways of making a positive impact.
P3: Martin Luther King stayed nonviolent during the bus boycotts.

9. P2: Small, everyday actions can make a difference.
P3: For example, when we did the compliments activity as a class, it was a small thing to think of something nice to say, but it had a huge impact. P4: People wrote something nice about each person and it made them feel good.

10. P2:Small, everyday actions can make a difference.
P3: In our fourth period class everyone wrote a compliment about everyone else in the class. P4: Then our teacher wrote them all down and handed them to us. P4: When I got mine I was overjoyed. I didn’t think people thought so highly of me. The compliments made me feel special. P4: I just soared around the room my eyes got wide and I had a grin from ear to ear. P4: Just think, if someone in our class had been feeling depressed and was having thoughts of suicide, I’m sure the compliments they received would have chased those thoughts away.

11. P2: Small, everyday actions can make a difference.
P3: We each wrote compliments for each other in class to make each other feel good. P4: Someone wrote one about me being funny and I didn’t know whose it was.

12. IS THE CONTEXT EXPLAINED?

13. Make sure context is explained
Pretend like your mom is reading the paper and is unaware of what we’ve been learning in class...
Explain who people are, describe events and activities

14. Here’s a good one explaining Elwin Wilson’s apology to John Lewis… notice the writer explains thoroughly who each person is and the timeline
To make a difference you may need to make sacrifices or take risks. A man named Elwin Wilson did just that. When he was young he was a member of the Ku Klux Klan (KKK). He and some other members beat up a couple African Americans at a bus stop. In his later years Elwin still felt dreadful about what he had done and decided to find one of the African American sit-in participants he had beaten up for protesting, John Lewis (goes on to explain what happened with apology and phone calls)

15. If your example is the “Water Droplets” activity, what should you say?
Talk with a partner
Be prepared to share how you would explain the context.

16. Here’s one way you could give the context for the “Water Droplets” activity
Imagine yourself with a beaker brimming with water: how many extra droplets of water would it take to go over the brim? Most people would say about twenty, but, in a test conducted in our Language Arts class, the beaker didn’t overflow until 114 extra droplets were added. This is a prime example of how you can change the world. (goes on to explain the symbolism of the water droplets)

17. Now, on your own paper…
Mark where you need to explain who someone is or describe a situation more fully on your paper
Make the changes in the lab when we go to revise.