1. At Table: United Methodists
Seeking a Way Forward

2. Our Assumptions This is hard work We must plan not to argue
Each church must work on
its own question
4. This work is applicable to
many issues

3. The Three Levels of
Conversation

4. The Three Levels of Conversation
The “subject” (issue, problem
event that people disagree on)
2. The feelings level
3. The identity level

5. A Learning Conversation
The Two Types of
Conversations
A Battle of Messages
A Learning Conversation

6. The Subject Level BATTLE OF MESSAGES Learning Conversation
ASSUMPTION: I know all I need
to know to understand the
issue or incident
ASSUMPTION: Each of us is
bringing different information
and perceptions to the table:
there are likely to be important
things that each of us does not
know
GOAL: Explore each other’s stories and how we understand the issue/situation and why
GOAL: Persuade them that I am
right (and they are wrong)
Challenge:
the issue is
more complex
than any of us
fully understands
ASSUMPTION: I know what
their real motives and assump-tions are
ASSUMPTION: I know what
my motives and assumptions
are and how I react to their
assertions
GOAL: Get them to see how
misguided their motives and
purposes are
GOAL: Share what is at stake
For me and listen to under-
stand what is at stake for them

7. The Feeling Level The Identity Level BATTLE OF MESSAGES
Learning Conversation
The
Feeling
Level
ASSUMPTION: Feelings are
irrelevant and aren’t approp-
priate to share
ASSUMPTION: Feelings are at the
heart of the issue—and are usually
complex. I may have to work a bit
to fully understand my feelings
Challenge:
the issue is
emotionally
charged
GOAL: Avoid talking about
feelings
GOAL: Address feelings (mine
And others) without judgment
The
Identity
Level
Challenge:
The issue can
feel threaten-
Ing to our
identity
ASSUMPTION: I am either
all right (and good) or
all wrong (and bad)
ASSUMPTION: There is a lot at
stake psychologically for all involved. Each of us is complex and none is perfect.
GOAL: Protect myself
from painful insights
GOAL: Understand identity issues for all involved and develop a more complex self-image

8. Yes…BUT…