1. ESSAY FORMAT
REVIEW

2. INTRODUCTION HOOK BACKGROUND OF WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT
THESIS

3. INTRO. UNREVISED

4. INTRO
REVISED

5. 1ST BODY PARAGRAP
UNREVISED

6. 1ST BODY PARAGRAPH
REVISED

7. Formula TOPIC SENTENCE (TS) TOPIC SENTENCE 2nd POINT
One sentence that has the first point of your thesis
One sentence that contains the second point you are going to talk about
TOPIC SENTENCE 1st POINT
One sentence that contains the first point you are going to talk about
Concrete Detail (CD)
One or two sentences that illustrates your topic sentence
Use the words: FOR EXAMPLE
Try to use specific, REAL-LIFE examples rather than general examples
Research (R)
Reputable source that backs up what you just stated.
4-8 sentences that explains how the example you just gave relates to your topic and thesis.
Commentary (CM)
4-8 sentences that explains how the example and research you just gave relates to your topic and thesis.
Use the word: BECAUSE
Explain the concrete details significance to the topic sentence
Concluding sentence transitioning to the next topic.
Explain the significance to your overall thesis.
Signals the completion of your paragraph points and moving onto the next point.

8. EXAMPLE
THESIS
Depression can be caused by repetitive stress and past trauma resulting in the effects of suicidal thoughts and poor mental health conditions, however, possible solutions may include a variation of medical attention and one’s personal aim to minimize the causes and effects.

9. TOPIC SENTENCE
Depression is very common and can be caused by repetitive stress and past trauma.

10. TOPIC SENTENCE 1st POINT One sentence that contains the first point you are going to talk about
Repetitive stress can be caused daily from jobs.
Jobs can cause stress because of job responsibilities

11. Concrete Detail (CD) One or two sentences that illustrates your topic sentence Use the words: FOR EXAMPLE Try to use specific, REAL-LIFE examples rather than general examples
For example, as a marketing rep, one is expected to prepare a great presentation daily, to sell clients products.

12. Commentary
This causes repetitive stress because one is expected to perform at their very best every day, in order to sell product. So, imagine every day, being under pressure to perform at the top of your game in order to keep your job. What happens if you don’t succeed? The repetitive stress of trying to achieve perfection can cause depression.

13. Research (R) Reputable source that backs up what you just stated.
Harriet Braiker states that, “. . . striving to achieve difficult but attainable goals usually leads to feeling of satisfaction. However, when thinking shifts toward perfectionism, defined as setting excessively high standard of performance in conjunction with a tendency to make overly critical self-evaluations; emotional distress, particularly negative affect and depression can occur.” (Braiker).

14. Commentary (CM) 4-8 sentences that explains how the example and research you just gave relates to your topic and thesis. Use the word: BECAUSE Explain the concrete details significance to the topic sentence
Therefore, depression is sometimes caused by perfectionism, especial repetitive in job responsibilities

15. TOPIC SENTENCE 2nd POINT One sentence that contains the second point you are going to talk about
Another cause of depression is the haunting of a person’s past trauma. This type of traumatic experience can haunt a person forever and play a huge role in depression.

16. Concrete Detail (CD) One or two sentences that illustrates your topic sentence Use the words: FOR EXAMPLE Try to use specific, REAL-LIFE examples rather than general examples
Trauma can be anything one has experienced that has negatively impacted their self-esteem. (Sparks)
For example, sexual and physical abuse can be the most tragic event in one’s life.

17. Research (R) Reputable source that backs up what you just stated.
According to Ellen McGrath of Psychology Today, “in almost every case of significant adult depression, some form of abuse was experienced in childhood, either physical, sexual, emotional, or often a combination. (McGrath).

18. Commentary (CM) 4-8 sentences that explains how the example you just gave relates to your topic and thesis. Use the word: BECAUSE Explain the concrete details significance to the topic sentence Explain the significance to your overall thesis.
Therefore, depression can sometimes be caused by a person’s past trauma especially in terms of abuse.

19. But, what are the effects of depression?
Concluding sentence transitioning to the next topic. Signals the completion of your paragraph points and moving onto the next point.
But, what are the effects of depression?

20. And so forth. 2nd Body Paragraph following formula (effects)
3rd Body Paragraph (solutions)
Conclusion
Restate thesis
Give significance of your topic and summarizing what you said
Give reader something to think about.