1. PERSUASIVE WRITING DIAGNOSTIC
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

2. The Good
Students overall selected very good quotes that were rich, meaningful and useful
Topic sentences generally stated the purpose/argument of the paragraph well
Spelling was good
Overall, a good understanding of each of the essays and persuasive techniques – most-used topics were tone, allusions, and style (punctuation, repetition, diction, etc)

3. The Bad
Although paragraphs start out strong – lead, point, proof – many (most) students neglected to link evidence and arguments explicitly back to the thesis statement. This is an essential thing to do in order to present a strong case and persuade the reader. A paragraph is like a sandwich – the beginning and end (the bread) should be essentially the same – the “meat” is in the middle.
Solution: create an outline before you start writing, and be very explicit: “This quote supports the thesis because...” You don’t have to necessarily write this in your final product, but you should know before you start writing where your argument is headed.

4. COMMENTS! COMMENTS!
THE “COMMENT” PART OF PPC IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF YOUR ARGUMENT – IT IS WHERE YOU ANALYZE YOUR EVIDENCE, PROVE YOUR POINT, AND SUPPORT/CONNECT BACK TO YOUR THESIS. THIS CANNOT BE ACCOMPLISHED IN ONE SENTENCE.

5. The Bad continued
Contrast from other essays was often attempted; but sometimes, either the comparison was not on point, or the contrast was not fully developed.
Solution: Make sure that the counterexamples focus on the same persuasive technique (compare apples to apples); draw an explicit contrast between your counterexample and your main argument, and be sure, as always, to connect back to thesis.

6. The Bad continued
Quotation set-up was generally repetitive and immature; punctuation was an issue.
Solution: This is an easy one. Review the Holy Trinity Literary Style Guide, which gives many examples of how to incorporate quotes into your paragraph. Don’t be lazy about it – it’s the little things that send a big message in your work.

7. The Bad continued
The usual grammatical errors: noun-pronoun agreement, sentence fragments, run-on sentences
Solution: Read out loud to catch errors (your ear knows that something is wrong, even if you don’t know why) – writing on the page should make sense when spoken aloud. Have a friend, parent or teacher edit your work. Read from the last sentence backwards to the first: it forces you to focus.

8. The Bad continued
I think some of you were not sure about your arguments, and this produced a weakening effect (especially in the third paragraph). Some of your papers seemed to trail off at the end, and the last paragraph was not nearly as developed as the first.
Solution: I am not saying that you should ever have a weak argument! However, if you know that one of your paragraphs is not as strong as the others, put it in the middle. Start strong and end strong.

9. The Bad continued
With this, there was a lot of vague explanation of quotes and persuasive techniques.
Solution: Since the entire purpose of the essay was to argue who was MOST persuasive, you should be doing the same with every quote and piece of evidence. This is not the time to be shy, retiring or wishy-washy: be very clear that this evidence proves that _____ is the most persuasive, and say very clearly why.

10. The Ugly
By far, the biggest issues were wordiness, awkward phrasing, and Thesaurusitis.
I will say this now: you should NEVER use a word in an essay that you do not use in real life. You may think it makes your argument sound sophisticated and intelligent; it has the complete opposite effect.

11. The Ugly continued Wordiness
Why take ten words to say something when three will do?
Solution: be clear and concise ALWAYS. “This quote is a good example of the fact that McCullough is using allusions to persuade his teenage audience that the veracity of his claims is not to be doubted.” Versus: “McCullough uses these allusions to convince and persuade his audience.” Cut out filler words and phrasing that is passive-voiced (Ex “The hat that belongs to Dave” vs “Dave’s hat”)

12. I never want to see “due to the fact,” “
I never want to see “due to the fact,” “... is demonstrated in this quote,” or “lastly” ever again. You have been warned.

13. The Ugly continued Awkward Phrasing
We write how we speak. If something is awkwardly phrased on the page, it will sound awkward when I read it. Ex “This action of using allusion allows the reader to pause at what is being said and allows for true reflection on the words that were spoken.”
Solution: Simple is best. Clear and concise are better. Avoid passive verb and voice (“A simile is used by the author in this quote to compare apples to oranges” versus “The author compares apples and oranges in this simile:”) Using active voice and verbs will fix 90% of the problem.

14. The Final Ugly Thesaurusitis
A thesaurus gives you synonyms, but here’s the problem: words may mean approximately the same thing, but may not have the same connotation, feeling or appropriateness. There is a difference between say, speak, utter, articulate, declare, pronounce, state, cry, shout, verbalize, answer, reply, illustrate, exemplify, embody, prove, argue and exclaim (you get the idea).
Solution: shut the Thesaurus. If you find yourself repeating a word (such as “proves”, for example), use sentence structure for variety.

15. Final Thoughts
Readers are better writers. Read something every day. Put a magazine in the bathroom.
Those who don’t follow instructions are doomed to repeat them in summer school. LISTEN.
I live in my classroom. Come and see me before there’s a problem. I am here for you.