1. Marriage – not for wimps!

2. Taken from a church bulletin:

4. Let’s lay down some foundational practices

5. The goal of communication is to understand and to be understood

6. The desired result is this
Not this
The desired result is this

7. One Absolute Requirement for Authentic Communication
TRUST

8. Trust
The ability to build confidence in a relationship so that both parties believe the other will not intentionally hurt them but will act in their best interest.

9. A safe place Response vs. Reaction
Free expression of thoughts and feelings without judgment
What’s said here stays here
Unconditional love

10. Ground rules – The Dos: Use “I” statements -- speak only for yourself
Ask your partner if they’re willing/ready to discuss the issue before diving in
Set a date, time, place that’s comfortable for both
Either person can call time out, but be sure to agree on a time to continue

11. Ground rules - the Don’ts:
Don’t interrupt
No yelling, screaming, no violence of any kind
Don’t use “fight talk” (defined on next slide)
If you’re doing more than just talking, don’t do it within earshot of the children
Don’t start if you’re tired or not feeling well

12. Fight Talk Demanding, ordering Blaming, accusing, attacking, scolding
Threatening consequences
Labeling
Name-calling, belittling, using loaded words
Defending

13. Fight Talk Interrogating Judging/putting down Challenging/taunting
Lecturing/moralizing/preaching
Bragging
Psychologizing, diagnosing
Cursing/foul language

14. Step 1
Identify / Define the issue

15. Step 2 Who Where When How Energy Length Time Out Check the Process
Agree to work through it
Step 2

16. Understand the issue completely
Step 3
Understand the issue completely

17. Step 4
Identify wants

18. Step 5
Generate options

19. Step 6
Choose actions

20. The Awareness Wheel The Issue I observe… (Sensory data) I think…
I feel…
I want…
Let’s agree on a plan of action

21. The Listening Cycle Attend – be present in every way
Acknowledge the other person’s experience
Invite more information
Summarize what you heard them say
Ask open-ended questions