1. CULTIVATING INFLUENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS
Reb Bradley

2. I. WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO HAVE OUR CHILDREN’S HEARTS
Prov 23:26 My son, give me your heart and let your eyes keep to my ways,

3. A. To have their hearts means they are motivated by RESPECTFUL AFFECTION for you, not just by FEAR of your AUTHORITY.
Deu 10: fear the LORD your God, ... walk in all His ways and love Him, and ... serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul.
Rom 11:22 Behold then the kindness and severity of God ...
Rom 2: God's kindness leads you toward repentance
Phile 1:8 Therefore, although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, 9 yet I appeal to you on the basis of love. ...

4. 1. We must earn our children’s respect.
2. We must have their affection.

5. B. They must DECIDE to give us their hearts
Prov 23:26 My son, give me your heart and let your eyes keep to my ways
> Their decision will be based either on their TRUST in GOD and/or their trust in US.

6. II. If we do not win their hearts before they reach adolescence, BAD FRUIT may result:

7. A. As teens they
may easily become ALIENATED FROM us.

8. B. We will then have little
ability to INFLUENCE THEM.

9. C. They will be far more vulnerable to PEER
PRESSURE and the CARNAL influences they face in the world

10. III. How to avoid losing their hearts
A. Do not make their education or your reputation more important than them.

11. B. Do not strive to GAIN their AFFECTION
B. Do not strive to GAIN their AFFECTION. They will DESPISE you as you indulge and coddle them.

12. C. Don’t mistake AFFECTION for ACCEPTANCE
1. AFFECTION is characterized by a tender manner and a caring touch

13. C. Don’t mistake AFFECTION for ACCEPTANCE
1. AFFECTION is characterized by a tender manner and a caring touch
2. ACCEPTANCE says, “Although you fall short, I still like you as you are now.”

14. D. We must live out the gospel GENUINELY in our home.
Mal 4:6 He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse."
D. We must live out the gospel GENUINELY in our home.
> Be more concerned with being one who genuinely loves God than one who does “CHRISTIAN” things.

15. E. We will most likely gain their hearts if we LOVE them as INDIVIDUAL people.
1 John 4:19 We love Him because he first loved us.

16. IV. Cultivating relationship with our children
A. ACCEPT them for who they are at the stage of growth they have attained

17. B. Like us, they are drawn to -- and will emulate -- those who LIKE THEM – but have little time for those who don’t.

18. C. Do not POSTPONE ACCEPTANCE until they achieve your standard
Byounggyoo , this picture is necessary
C. Do not POSTPONE ACCEPTANCE until they achieve your standard

19. 1. Quickest way to DEMORALIZE loved ones is to communicate that they do not measure up

20. 2. They may GIVE UP and begin to PATRONIZE you
1. Quickest way to DEMORALIZE loved ones is to communicate that they do not measure up

21. D. Jesus MODELED ACCEPTANCE in his experience with the woman at the well
1. He did not agree with her moral choices, but communicated NO CONDEMNATION
2. He did not return her ATTACKS
3. He was “SAFE” with her FAILINGS

22. E. Are you a “SAFE” person for your children?

23. 1. Listen to their feelings without immediately giving them the CORRECTION you think they need.

24. 2. Values come out of the HEART and REFLECT who a person IS
Luke 6: out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.
3. If their values are immature, then devise a plan to NURTURE the HEART which EXPRESSED those values.

25. F. Consider: Is it possible you have difficulty accepting your children as they are, because you do not believe GOD ACCEPTS you as you ARE?
Rom 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!

26. Rom 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to this
Rom 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died--more than that, who was raised to life--is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

27. Eph 3: I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

28. G. FORGIVE them when they offend you
1. Abiding BITTERNESS will DESTROY you and them

29. G. FORGIVE them when they offend you
1. Abiding BITTERNESS will DESTROY you and them
2. Give them continued FRESH STARTS. Don't THINK THE WORST of them.

30. 3. Don't bring up OLD OFFENSES and SCOLD them for them time and again

31. 3. Don't bring up OLD OFFENSES and SCOLD them for them time and again
4. Ask FORGIVENESS of them

32. 5. Do not JUSTIFY your anger
James 1:20 for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

33. H. Express LOVE to them in TANGIBLE ways

34. 1. TOUCH: Be AFFECTIONATE toward them. TOUCH: Be AFFECTIONATE
1 Th 2:7 but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children.
Is 66:13a As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you ...
TOUCH: Be AFFECTIONATE

35. 2. TEETH: Discipline yourself to SMILE at them.

36.  Our children read our COUNTENANCE every time we greet them.

37. 3. TONE: Remove the EXCLAMATION MARK at the end of their NAME.!

38. 4. TIME: Are they VARIABLES or ABSOLUTES?