2. Why We’re Here
Awareness
Options
Choices
Control

3. Our Relationship to Conflict
With your tablemates, use page 2 and brainstorm reasons people avoid conflict and the possible benefits of conflict in the workplace.
Time: 5 minutes

4. Objectives Understand the source and nature of conflict.
Discover how you typically respond to conflict.
Become familiar with and practice skills that enable you to effectively navigate conflict.
Create a plan for applying your key learnings.
133

5. Agenda Module 1 Anatomy of Conflict
Module 2 Requirements for Navigating Conflict
Module 3 Skills for Navigating Conflict 13

6. Definitions of Conflict
A serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted one.
A state of disagreement and disharmony; a clash…
Incompatibility or interference as of one idea, desire, event, or activity with another.

7. “My awareness of and response to conflict will ultimately contribute to a productive or unproductive outcome.”

8. Case Study: What Happened?
5 minutes
Please answer the question on page 1 of your Case Study.

9. Module 1
Anatomy of Conflict
155

10. Triggers to Conflict
Unmet Expectations
Values Violation
16-7

11. Case Study: Triggers to Conflict
5 Minutes
Please answer the question on page 2 of your Case Study.

12. Reactions to Conflict FLIGHT FIGHT Ignore, Avoid, Placate, Pacify
Attack, Blame, Criticize, Accuse
Problem or issue grows and triggers…
Reactive behavior/decision
Short-term focus
Only the information on hand
198

13. Reactions to Conflict FLIGHT FIGHT Ignore, Avoid, Placate, Pacify
Problem or issue grows and triggers…
Attack, Blame, Criticize, Accuse
RESULT
“Band-aid” solutions
Loss of
Time lost to “fixing”
Diminished willingness
Reduced
Decrease in efficiency
Reactive behavior/decision
Short-term focus
Only the information on hand
trust and respect
collaboration
198

14. Possible Outcomes
Win – Lose
Lose - Win
Lose - Lose

15. Conflict Inventory
5 minutes
Please complete the Conflict Inventory on pages 10 and 11.
110-11

16. Inventory Debrief 10 Minutes SCORING KEY: A’s = __________ response
B’s = __________ response
C’s = __________ response
Review and discuss your results and insights with your table group.
Flight
Fight
Proactive

17. Case Study: Responses to Conflict
5 Minutes
Please turn to page 3 in your Case Study and reflect on your response.

18. Module 1: Summary
My awareness of and response to conflict will ultimately contribute to a productive or unproductive outcome.
Triggers to conflict are:
Unmet Expectations
Values Violation
People respond to conflict in many ways, depending upon the situation, but lean toward one or two patterns.

19. Requirements for Navigating Conflict
Module 2
Requirements for Navigating Conflict
113

20. EMOTIONAL INTENSITY
Risk to Trust & Respect
115

21. Brain Research
Safety
First Priority:
116

22. Creating Safety E motional I ntelligence The ability to demonstrate:
at the _____________ time
to meet the _____________ needs
of the _____________
and the _______ in the _____________
in ____ _____.
appropriate
behavior
appropriate
appropriate
environment
people
environment
real time
117

23. Case Study: Requirements for Navigating Conflict
5 Minutes
Please answer the questions on page 4 of your Case Study.

24. Seven Fundamentals Frame of Reference Questions Listening
Positive Language
Paraphrasing
Fully Functional
Focus

25. Frame of Reference
Boring…
Brilliant!

26. The Mystery

27. Key Points
The way you navigate conflict will be aided by having a mindset of:
Problem solving vs. __________ and _______.
Inquiry vs. ________.
being right
winning
certainty

28. Questions Closed-ended questions
Focus on the frame of reference of the person ASKING the question.
Open-ended questions
Focus on the frame of reference of the person being ASKED the question.

29. Listening Do’s and Don’ts: Establish appropriate ___ _______.
Block ___ __________ (_______ and ________).
Verbally ____________ comments.
Use open and receptive _____ ________.
Refrain from ________ ___.
Don’t _________.
eye contact
out distractions internal external
acknowledge
body language
“jumping in”
multi-task
122

30. Positive Language Use “and” instead of “but”.
Swap positive language for negative language.
Use “I” language.
123

31. Paraphrasing
Briefly restate what you heard/saw in your own words (i.e., not “parroting”).
Include both feelings and facts.
Confirms the accuracy of your perception of their Frame of Reference.
124

32. Fully Functional
HALF
HALF

33. Fully Functional
MORE
HALF
HALF
LESS
Over-function
Under-function

34. (Can’t cross this line)
Fully Functional
HALF
FULL
HALF
FULL
(Can’t cross this line)

35. Fully Functional
CLEAR
FULL
FULL

36. Focus Focus on the PRESENT or the PAST Focus on the FUTURE “Fix” Blame
Fix Problems
Over/Under Function
Fully Function
126

37. Emotional Intelligence
EMOTIONAL INTENSITY
Frame of
Reference
Questions
Listening
Positive Language
Paraphrasing
Fully Functional
Focus
Emotional Intelligence
Safety
WIN-WIN

38. Case Study: Fully Functional and Future Focused
5 Minutes
Please answer the questions on page 5 of your Case Study.

39. Module 2: Summary
We must feel safe physically and emotionally in order to navigate conflict.
The more intense the emotion, the greater the risk to trust and respect.
Applying the seven fundamentals helps us to navigate conflict more effectively.
127

40. Skills for Navigating Conflict
Module 3
Skills for Navigating Conflict
129

41. Emotional Intelligence
Creating Clear Expectations
Addressing a Variable
Emotional Intelligence
Asking for Accountability
Safety
Managing Internal/ External Dynamics
WIN-WIN
130

42. Emotional Intelligence
Creating Clear Expectations
Creating Clear Expectations
Addressing a Variable
Emotional Intelligence
Asking for Accountability
Safety
Managing Internal/ External Dynamics
WIN-WIN
1331

43. Clear Expectations

44. Clear Expectations Are understood. Are specific and concrete.
Are confirmed.
131

45. Skills Practice: Giving Clear Expectations
Individually complete the Skills Practice preparation on page 32.
With a partner, take turns giving a
clear expectation.
Debrief the activity using the instructions at the bottom of the page.
Switch roles and
repeat practice.
10 Minutes Total
13332

46. Getting Clear Expectations
Partner and write possible responses on page 33 to the three Example Expectations.
Be prepared to discuss your answers with the group.
Time: 5 minutes
133

47. Emotional Intelligence
Creating Clear Expectations
Addressing a Variable
Addressing a Variable
Emotional Intelligence
Asking for Accountability
Safety
Managing Internal/ External Dynamics
WIN-WIN
134

48. Addressing a Variable Start with “I”. Explain new awareness.
Gain agreement.
134

49. Skills Practice: Addressing a Variable
10 minutes total
Individually complete the Skills Practice preparation on page 35.
With a partner, practice addressing this variable.
Debrief the activity using the instructions at the
bottom of the page.
Switch roles and repeat practice.
135

50. Emotional Intelligence
Creating Clear Expectations
Addressing a Variable
Emotional Intelligence
Asking for Accountability
Asking for Accountability
Safety
Managing Internal/ External Dynamics
WIN-WIN
136

51. Asking for Accountability

52. Asking for Accountability
Start with “I”.
State the feeling you have.
Clarify the difference.
Ask for clarification.
Gain agreement.
136

53. Asking for Accountability and Consequences
If appropriate, create and communicate consequences if the issue reoccurs.
If the issue is corrected, recognize or thank them.
If the issue continues, apply the consequence.
Communicate using language that maintains dignity.
138

54. Skills Practice: Asking for Accountability
5 minutes to prepare,
3 minutes for each
rotation
Complete the Skills Practice
worksheet on page 39.
Divide into triads and practice
asking for accountability using
the instructions on page 40.
Rotate until everyone has practiced asking for accountability.
139

55. Emotional Intelligence
Creating Clear Expectations
Addressing a Variable
Emotional Intelligence
Asking for Accountability
Safety
Managing Internal/ External Dynamics
Managing Internal/ External Dynamics
WIN-WIN
141

56. Think of this area as representing someone’s “external” behavior.

57. Think of this area as representing their “internals”.

58. How does their “behavior” look when you cannot see their “internals”?

59. Does their “behavior” look different when you can see their “internals”?

60. ASSUME Boundary Violation INTERNAL EXTERNAL
(Perceptions, Values, Beliefs, Emotions, Thoughts, Intentions)
INTERNAL
Boundary Violation
ASSUME
(Behavior, Facial Expression, Vocal Aspects, Body Language)
EXTERNAL

61. Managing Internal/External
Dynamics

62. Managing Internal/ External Dynamics
Heightened/Triggered Emotions +
Assumptions About Internals =
Boundary Violation

63. If you need to discuss behavior . . .
Be specific and objective.
Make no assumptions about their internals.
Avoid blaming when describing your internals.
142

64. Staying within Boundaries
Examples of Violating Internal/ External Boundaries
Boundary Violation
Staying within Boundaries
Your late arrival at team meetings clearly shows your disregard for my time.
I feel like my time is not being valued when you arrive late to our team meetings.
You are productive but you don’t pay attention to the details in your work.
I need you to consistently correct any typos before you send out your reports.
Why does it matter so much what she thinks?
In what way does what she thinks impact you?

65. Avoiding Boundary Violation Practice
Partner and rewrite the three sentences on the bottom of page 42.
Be prepared to discuss your answers with the group.
Time: 5 minutes
142

66. Staying Within Boundaries
Work with your team and write improved responses on page 43 to the three scenarios.
Be prepared to discuss your answers with the group.
Time: 5 minutes
143

67. Skills Practice: Managing Internal/ External Dynamics
5 minutes to prepare,
8 minutes for each
rotation
Complete the Skills Practice
worksheet on page 44.
Divide into triads and practice managing internal/external dynamics using the instructions on page 45.
Rotate until everyone has practiced managing internal/external dynamics.
144

68. Module 3: Summary
There are many different skills for responding to conflict in ways that contribute to a productive outcome, including:
Creating Clear Expectations
Addressing a Variable
Asking for Accountability
Managing Internal/External Dynamics
All of the skills we’ve learned, if practiced and applied, will help build trust and respect AND enable us to navigate conflict.
146

69. Wrap-Up
147

70. Case Study: Application
5 Minutes
Use page 6 to identify which tools might have been most useful in navigating the conflict with your Case Study.

71. Key Takeaways What are your key takeaways?
How and when do you plan to develop these new skills? (Be specific.)
Be prepared to share one example with your table group.
148

72. Appendix Navigating Conflict Worksheet (page 51-52)
Navigating Conflict Worksheet Self-Assessment (page 53)
References (page 54)
149

73. Thank You!