1. Chapter 10: Intimate Relationships

2. Learning Objectives
How do early parent-child relationships shape later adult friendships and romantic relationships?
How does culture, gender, and sexual orientation influence the nature of friendships and romantic relationships?
What is the difference between passionate and companionate love?
What are some factors that strengthen or weaken satisfaction in romantic relationships?

3. Intimacy Sharing that which is innermost with others
Seek verification of who we think we are
Including others in one's self concept
Self-expansion

4. Figure 10.1 Inclusion of Other in the Self

5. Markers of Intimate Relations
Different attributions
Self-other discrepancy is reduced.
Less distinction between self and others when allocating resources
Communal rather than exchange relationships

6. Parent-Child Attachment
Attachment: strong emotional bond between infants and caregivers
Evolutionary advantage: protection of the young and vulnerable
Attachment provides a secure base for exploration of the environment.
When separated from caregivers, young children experience protest, despair, and/or detachment.

7. Ainsworth's Attachment Styles
Based on childhood experiences, children develop a secure or insecure attachment style.
Secure style develops from responsive caregiving.
Inattentive or abusive parenting results in insecure attachment.
Insecurely attached children exhibit less social competence and self-esteem than securely attached children.

8. Adult Attachment Styles
Based on two dimensions:
Whether the self is viewed positively or negatively (self-esteem)
Whether others are seen as trustworthy
Attachment may be:
Secure (self and others viewed positively)
Preoccupied (self negative, others positive)
Dismissing-avoidant (self positive, others negative)
Fearful-avoidant (self and others negative)

9. Figure 10. 2. Four Attachment Styles Based on Perceptions
Figure 10.2 Four Attachment Styles Based on Perceptions of Self-Worth and Others’ Trustworthiness

10. Consequences of Adult Attachment
Choice of romantic partner
Willingness to forgive transgressions
Degree of jealousy and possessiveness
Attachment styles are generally stable but can change under certain circumstances.

11. Self-Disclosure and Friendship
One major way to create a friendship is through self-disclosure.
Social penetration theory: Proper pacing of disclosure is important to avoid over- or under- sharing.
People generally disclose reciprocally.
Troubled friendships are marked by a lessening of disclosure.

12. Figure 10.3 The Theory of Social Penetration

13. (Average) Gender Differences in Heterosexual Friendships
Women's friendships are more intimate than men's friendships.
Women disclose more about themselves to friends than men.
Men engage in less physical contact with friends than do women in North American cultures.
Women are more likely to view friends as rivals for mates.

14. Figure 10.4 Gender Differences in Touching During Social Interaction

15. Cross-Sex Heterosexual Friendships
Gravitate to "intimacy mean"
More common among people with nontraditional gender role orientation
Sexual contact is common.
Particularly among newer friendships

16. "Friends-With-Benefits" Relationships
A friendship where the friends intentionally engage in sexual activity on occasion
There are some markers of a romantic relationship, but it is considered primarily a friendship by people involved.
These friends worry about potential harm to friendship or hurt feelings.
The risk of a STD is more serious problem.

17. Same-Sex Homosexual Friendships
Gender differences in intimacy disappear.
Friendships are often an important source of social support.
Sexual intimacy is more likely.
Friends-with-benefits relationships occur at the same rate as heterosexual friendships.

18. Long-Distance Friendships
The Internet is now a primary way people maintain friendships.
Young adults have greater numbers of social ties than their parents.
People rely on face-to-face more than long- distance relationships when they are in trouble.

19. Culture and Romantic Love
Myths that contemporary American culture promote:
Views of romantic love are unchanging.
Romantic love has always been the most important reason for marriage.
Only heterosexuals experience romantic love.
"Love marriages" are superior to family-arranged marriages.

20. Figure 10. 5. Expressed Love and Liking in Homosexual
Figure 10.5 Expressed Love and Liking in Homosexual and Heterosexual Romantic Relationships

21. Online Romance
Generally follows the same patterns as traditional dating
Deepening of self-disclosure
Self-presentation management
The Internet provides proximity and intimacy.

22. Passionate Love A state of intense longing for union with another
Changes in brain chemistry
Temporary
Can result from excitation transfer
Arousal from one stimulus is added to arousal from a second stimulus
Involves misattribution

23. Figure 10.6 Love Activated in the Brain

24. Figure 10.7 Sexual Attraction Under Conditions of High Anxiety

25. Companionate Love (Note: not "compassionate love")
The affection we feel from those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined
Develops from a certainty of each other's love and respect
Stable and enduring

26. (Average) Gender Differences in the Experience of Love
Men appear to be more focused than women on the sexual mating system.
Women appear more focused than men on the attachment system.
Both men and women have desires arising from each system.
Men fall in love more quickly and fall out of love more slowly.

27. Evolutionary Explanations for Gender Differences in Love
It is adaptive for men to establish sexual intimacy quickly (low cost of reproduction).
It is adaptive for women to judge carefully (high cost of reproduction).
Difference in length of reproductive lives explains the relative speed of exiting relationships.

28. Sociocultural Explanations for Gender Differences in Love
Historically, a man's status was not dependent on his romantic partner's status.
However, a woman's future was dependent on her mate.
Therefore:
Men could afford to be more idealistic about love.
Women needed to be more pragmatic.
Heterosexual men may fall in love quickly because they are deprived of intimacy in friendships.

29. Predictors of Relationship Stability
Societal approval
Romantic equity (ratio of costs/benefits)
Healthy self-esteem (neither too high nor too low)
Partner-enhancing bias in attributions
Empathic accuracy (mind reading)
Playfulness in relationships
Social support

30. Being Mean to Those We Love
We are more polite and attentive to strangers than our romantic partners.
We interrupt, criticize, and belittle strangers less than romantic partners.
When we behave badly toward our partners, we justify our actions by changing our view of our partners in a negative way.

31. Figure 10. 8. Perpetrators’ and Victims’ Perceptions of a
Figure 10.8 Perpetrators’ and Victims’ Perceptions of a Negative Relationship Event

32. Coping with a Troubled Relationship
Four possible strategies:
Loyalty
Voice
Neglect
Exit
Differ in degree of positivity and activity
For example, voice is constructive and active while neglect is destructive and passive.
Constructive strategies are associated with feminine personality traits.

33. Figure 10.9 A Typology of Basic Coping Strategies

34. Romantic Breakups Cause sadness and anger
Anger diminishes more quickly.
Negative effects are less for the person who initiated the breakup.
People spend considerable post-breakup time doing the following:
Engaging in self-talk
Distracting themselves
Improving their looks
Engaging in physical activity