1. Managing Relationships with Challenging Adults in the School Community
IPPN National Conference
January 29th & 30th 2009
Joe O’Connell

2. In any given day…… Tactful/Diplomatic Need to remain objective
Power of Invisibility
Humorous
Empathetic
Encourager
Ability to relax people
Intuitive
Open body language
Keeping one’s opinion to oneself
Patient
Clarifier
Non threatening
Catalyst
Giver of direction
Motivator
Interpreter
Interventionist
Responder
Brief when required
Open-minded
Ability to remain silent
Good listener
Thinker on one’s feet
Ability to see opportunities
Observer
Summarising
Good questioner
Coordinator
Challenger
Reflective
Clear Communicator
Understanding of group dynamics

3. If a relationship fractures then conflict abounds
Conflict arises because the lens through which we view life leads us to believe that:
Others have, or intend to, frustrate or ignore our interests or concerns….. a feeling
Proportionality between rational and emotive thoughts and actions
Think outside of your own emotive domain

4. Communication is central
“Communication is the essential tool of human technology”
Lewis, L.P. (1994) Curing Conflict

5. Guiding Principles
Understand and appreciate roles and responsibilities and consider context
Adopt a Professional Approach at all times
Language
Depersonalise situations
Be an active listener
Don’t carry agendas
The difference between being assertive as opposed to being aggressive

6. Keep in mind that no issue remains a single issue!
There are levels of analysis:
Within Individuals
Between Individuals
The group as a whole
Temporal effect of a strong character

7. The variety of relationships!

8. Managing Challenging Relationships
REACTION

9. Personal Reaction to Challenging Behaviour
Your Style……Social Skills
Two heads are better than one…………Collaborating
Kill your enemies with kindness…..Accommodating
Split the difference….. Compromising
Leave well enough alone …. Avoiding
Might makes right…… Competing

10. Personal Reaction to Challenging Behaviour
Each of us is capable of using all five conflict handling modes, however, any given individual uses some modes better than others whether because of temperament or practice.

11. The power of the tongue!
The Power of words, the appropriateness of language The kind word The gentle word The angry word The harsh word The careless/unconsidered word

12. Respect is essential Non judgemental
“No one so thoroughly appreciates the value of constructive criticism…..
…..as the one who’s giving it”
Hal Chadwick

13. Dealing with Challenging Relationships
Principal/Parent
Principal/Teacher
Principal/Managem ent
Kindred Code between Management and Teacher

14. Principal/Parent Parent is naturally apprehensive
Parent is generally defensive
Parent has rehearsed
Parent has listened to their son/daughter
Parent has baggage
Acknowledge effort to be present
Listen /Notetaking
Demonstrate mutual interest, support and concern.
Show hope, list some positive
Get them to outline what they will, can do
Don’t set unreasonable demands
Revisit Agreement

15. Kindred Code: Principal/Staff
Any disagreement between Senior Management and Staff will permeate throughout.
United front at all times
Professional approach at all times
No confrontation/ disagreement in view of pupils
Solidarity about decisions taken
Positive body language sets the tone for the school
Review Working Together Document
Agreement in advance re scenarios

16. Principal/ Management
Management is a collective corporate process
Issues of conflict must be resolved
Confidentiality is essential
Procedures need to be adhered to at all times
Documentation is essential
Effective communication
Informed decision making

17. Key Messages Distinguish between crisis and controversy
Know yourself, your approaches, your style
Appreciate roles and different types of people, invest in knowing your people
Take the helicopter view
Show a route to resolution, don’t become a quick fixer
Adhere to any agreed procedures

18. Plé