1. What men and women MUST know about each other. Rev. Can. Dr. John and Ruth Senyonyi Marriage and Family Seminar GAFCON 2, NAIROBI, KENYA OCTOBER 2013

2. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS

3. HIS NEEDS /HER NEEDS W. Harley (2011) HIS 1. SEXUAL FULFILLMENT 2. RECREATIONAL COMPANIONSHIP 3. PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS (A GOOD LOOKING WIFE) 4. DOMESTIC SUPPORT (PEACE AND QUIET) 5. ADMIRATION (TO BE PROUD OF HIM) HERS 1. AFFECTION 2. INTIMATE CONVERSATION 3. HONESTY & OPENNESS 4. FINANCIAL SUPPORT 5. FAMILY COMMITMENT (GOOD FATHER )

4. NEEDS His Hers

6. Eye opening truths Research by Shaunti Feldhahn MEN Looks confident but has so much self doubt Needs respect so much he would give love to get it. Sex is primarily an emotional need The male brain processes best when there is time to think first then talk. Seeing attractive (sexual ) images – brain first has an involuntary response then a voluntary one) WOMEN Needs to know every day that he would choose me all over again. Want emotional security more than financial security. If she wants less sex its about her brain chemistry not his desirability.

7. The male and female brain

8. About MEN

9. The visual wiring of the male brain A mans brain structure & chemical mix wire him to be extremely visually oriented. That wiring makes him more likely to perceive attractive images as sexual and triggers an initial reaction that is both instinctive and automatic. From there he can choose – if he opts to apply his will power - how he will think & behave.

10. Men in a minefield In this saturated culture – the man becomes an unasked –for walk through a minefield of possible triggers & unwanted images that can pop up again days or years later. Man has to make a great effort to tear them down. The longer he entertains the temptation the more difficult it will be to get rid of.

11. Reassurance for the wife.. There is no relationship between the woman who catches your husbands eye. Be assured that your husband has a deep and long meanigful relationship with you as his wife There is therefore – No competition – its just an observation.

12. What can the wife do? Pray for him and yourself Allow him to reveal his weaknesses without being judged – not to allow the transparency to create a major crisis in the relationship Be a support – to talk & listen, honor his efforts Recognize factors that make it hard (Hunger, loneliness, anger, fatigue) Be modest in your dressing

13. About WOMEN

14. Woman has lower sex drive than the man Lower level of sexually assertive hormones = less craving for sex = less likely to initiate sex = more susceptible to non sexual distractions (noise in other room, child, fatigue)

15. Woman – Sex drive.. Woman needs more warm up time Mans body does not by itself turn woman on. Sex starts in her heart (tied to how she feels about the man emotionally)

16. Cruise ship headed for port.. Its not that I dont want to make love, but at the end of a long day with four kids, my mind is set on a course like a cruise ship headed for port..port being that quiet bit of space a mom anticipates when the kids are asleep, the chores are done and the house quiet.

17. Cruise ship… And just as I m within sight of that port, my hubby rolls over and says, whatcha doing over there? Its not that I dont want to be with him but mentally its like trying to stop a cruise ship thats going full steam ahead and making it turn on a dime. I cant quite turn off the day and do an about face in the blink of an eye like he can.

18. What a husband needs to do Pay attention to her outside the bedroom Give chase – romantic pursuit (flirting, call,)- notice her, non sexual touches Give her anticipation time- planning for sex. Ask her if in doubt

19. Ephesians 5.21-33 : Wife/Husband specific roles … submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. (v21). Wives submit to your husband Husbands love your wives

20. Song of Songs a) Friendship (1.4) b) Romance ((2.8ff). c) An exclusive relationship (2.16; 6.3; 7.10). d) The importance of cultivating good memories (3.6ff). e) Mutual appreciation. f) Affirmation of love (5.2-8; 6.4ff; 8.6-7). g) Sexual delight (4.16b; 7; 8.5).