1. Becoming the Man or Woman You Want To Be
CHAPTER 8
Becoming the Man or Woman You Want To Be

2. Discuss
What are some of the stereotypic traits typically assigned to being feminine and to being masculine?
Discuss the concepts of male roles and female roles, especially as these roles relate to relationships

3. Survey A=agree more than disagree D=disagree more than agree
Statements about men:
a. Men are often defined by what they achieve.
b. Men should have more social freedom than women.
c. Men should display courage and be strong.
d. Men are more concerned about the world of work than about relationships.
e. Men are more competitive than women.
Statements about women:
a. Women by nature have a need to have and take care of children
b. Women define themselves by giving to others.
c. Women should make a primary commitment to the home.
d. Women should not have a career if it jeopardizes their family life.
e. Women, by nature, are more emotional than logical.

4. Discuss
Now, compare your responses with those of others in your class, both men and women. Are there many differences?
Discuss the degree to which your attitudes concerning gender roles might have been influenced by your environment.
In your groups, determine which of the above statements are perceived as myths and misconceptions, and which are seen as “facts of life.”

5. Survey #2 b. Women react with more emotion to stressful events than
a. Women are more susceptible to persuasion than men.
b. Women react with more emotion to stressful events than
do men.
c. Women are more passive than men.
d. Women are more interested in people, whereas men are
more interested in things.
e. Women are more dependent on love relationships than men.
f. Women are more sensitive to the feelings of others than are men.
g. Women are more accurate than men in understanding nonverbal signals.
h. Women are less interested in sex than are men.
i. Women are more nurturing than men.
j. Women tend to be less aggressive than men.

6. Answers
In reviewing research evidence on the above popular stereotypes, Wayne Weiten found that there was some research evidence to sup‑port statements “c,” “f,” “g,” and “j;” research evidence did not support statements “a,” “b,” “d,” “e,” “h,” and “i.” In general, according to Weiten, the stereotypes had little relation to reality. He concluded that the similarities between women and men greatly outweighed the differences. Gender-role stereotypes lead to errors in social perception, and this inaccurate perception is often harmful to one’s psychological health and interferes with social relationships.

7. Reading
Please read about Kevin on page

8. Discuss
What is your reaction to Kevin, who was discussed at the beginning of this chapter? To what degree do you think he is the product of his social and cultural conditioning? How did crisis in his life act as a catalyst to change his view of himself as a man and what he wanted in life?

9. Reading
Please read about Leroy on page

10. Discuss
Along the same lines as above, what are your reactions to the case of Leroy? To what extent can you identify with him, whether you are a man or a woman? If you are a man, how would you like Leroy as your closest friend? If you are a woman, what do you imagine it would be like to live with him?

11. Becoming the Woman or Man You Want to Be
When reflecting on your gender-role identity:
Examine the experiences you have had that influence the way you view gender roles
Identify role models who have influenced your views of what it means to be a woman or a man
Be patient with yourself in challenging and changing your attitudes
Decide for yourself what kind of person you want to be, based on what you truly value

12. Discuss
Can you trace a few significant influences on your own gender-role identity development? How was your image as a woman or a man shaped?
How has your culture influenced your view of appropriate role behavior? What messages did you receive growing up in your culture? How do these cultural messages either help or hinder you in developing relationships? How has it affected your view of youself?

13. The Value of Men’s Groups
TOPICS OFTEN EXPLORED
What it means to trust other men
How relationships with family members affect current relationships
What it means to be a father
Hiding from oneself and others in work environments
Dealing with loss, depression, and existential anxiety, which accompany aging

14. The Value of Men’s Groups
How one carries the weight of unexpressed emotions and desires
How one’s inner judge prevents satisfaction with life
How the fear of abandonment prevents risk-taking
Healthy ways to deal with frustration and anger
Deciding what it means to be a man

15. Portrait of Traditional Male Roles
Some stereotypes associated with the traditional male role include a man’s
Emotional unavailability
Power and aggressiveness
Denial of fears
Protection of his inner self
Denial of “feminine” qualities
Being driven to succeed
Remoteness with other men
Lack of bodily awareness

16. Discuss
What are your reactions to the concept of the traditional male, as portrayed in the chapter? What price do you see men as paying for living by such roles? To what degree do you see evidence that men are challenging traditional roles?

17. Portrait of Traditional Female Roles
Some stereotypes associated with the traditional female role include a woman’s
Warmth, expressiveness, and nurturance
Dependence
Tendency to be emotional and intuitive
Passivity and submissiveness
Tendency to be more interested in relationships than in professional accomplishments

18. Challenging Traditional Gender-Role Expectations
Both women and men often pay a price for staying within the limited boundaries defined for them by their culture
Becoming aware of the process of gender-role socialization is the first step toward making choices about assuming expected role behavior
Men and women are challenging the societal conditioning that results in rigid role behavior

19. Discuss
The chapter describes the trend of women challenging traditional gender roles. What evidence, if any, do you find for this? To what degree do you think that women have an increase in options concerning lifestyles?

20. Alternatives to Rigid Gender-Role Expectations
The challenge is for women and men to work together in deciding how they want to be
Androgyny is the flexible integration of both feminine and masculine traits
Androgynous people can adjust their behavior to what the situation requires in integrated and flexible ways
Gender-role transcendence involves moving beyond gender roles

21. Discuss
How can developing more flexible views of gender-role expectations be liberating for both women and men? How does this apply to you?
What are your thoughts about androgyny as an alternative to rigid gender roles? What are the characteristics of both sexes that you’d like to incorporate into your personality?