1. Engaging men and boys in preventing sexual and domestic violence
Rus Ervin Funk, MSW

2. Interconnectedness of Men’s violence
Rape/sexual assault
Domestic and dating violence
Sex trafficking
Sexual harassment
Prostitution and pornography
Street harassment
Stalking

3. Domestic Violence Overview

4. Men’s Experience of Violence
Men tend to have a different experience and understanding of violence than do women
The impact of activists efforts to understand the dynamics of violence has meant broadening the definition of what is violent

6. Why Men Choose to be Violent
A lack of identification with the victim.
A perception of the situation as one that calls for violence.
A decision to act violently
The means of doing harm to the other person.

7. Men’ Violence as a Men’s Issue
Men commit the vast majority of sexual violence.
Men are sexually victimized by other men.
Men’s sexual violence confines men.
Women see men as potential threats.
Men know and love survivors.
Men know and love perpetrators.
Men are part of the community.
Men’s sexual violence is a human rights violation.
© 2009/2010 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

8. Men’s relationship to sexual assault/domestic violence
Tend to have minimal or un-known relationship
Assume other men (and women) think of men as either victims or offenders
“other-ing”

9. Ecological Framework Socio-Cultural Community (Customs, laws, beliefs)
Organizational (Practices)
Intrapersonal
(Attitudes)
Relational
(Behaviors)
Community
(Norms)
Socio-Cultural
(Customs, laws, beliefs)

10. Continuum of sexual Violence
Threat/level of violence
Sexism Gender Sexual Coerced/ Stranger Gang Rape
Harassment Harassment Forced “sex” Rape Rape Murder
*Based on the work of Rus Ervin Funk, Reaching Men: Strategies for
Preventing Sexist Attitudes, Behavior and Violence (2006).

11. The Context… Collective impact Sexism as the core…
How men’s violence (and the threat of men’s violence) impact all women
How all men benefit from the violence that some men perpetrate
Sexism as the core…

12. Putting it into practice
Prevention education
Leadership development
Bystander intervention and support
Organizational level intervention
Community organizing
Policy advocacy

13. A Key Point
Men Are not the problem And Men are responsible for Sexism and Violence
© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

14. Being Male and a “Man:
“the important fact of men’s lives is not that they are biological males, but that they become men. Our sex may be male, but our identity as men is developed through a complex process of interaction with the culture in which we learn the gender scripts, and modify those scripts to make them more palatable.”
Michael Kimmel and Michael Messner, 1989

15. 3 Core Dimensions of Manhood
How men handle life (Active and Achievement)
independent, competitive
How men handle others (dominant)
aggressive, powerful, boastful
I would add competitive
How men handle emotions (“level-headed”)
unemotional, self-control
anger as men’s only allowed/supported emotion
(Michael Cicone & Diane Ruble, 1976)

16. Being a “Man”
What Men are Called
What’s Done to Men
“Man Up”

17. Engaging Men

19. Assumptions of Engaging Men
What do men think about domestic violence?
What do men think about women advocates?
What do men think about men who work on these issues?
What do men think about feminists and feminism?
How do you expect men to respond to you?
© 2009/2010 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

20. Revised Assumptions…
Men have experienced multiple forms of violence and abuse.
Men Care!
Men are opposed to domestic violence and rape.
Men are NOT the problem.
Men have an unlimited ability to feel compassion and empathy.
Men Want to be a part of the solution.
Some men act in abusive and sexist ways.
© 2009/2010 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

21. What’s effective Gender and Context Matter!
Utilize the Prevention Framework
Define specific groups of men to engage
Clarify your reason for asking this man(or group of men) to be engaged
Identify what “engagement” means (i.e. what we want them to do)
Clarify roles for men in your agency/community?

22. Gender & Context Men are different than women
Men do not experience domestic and sexual violence like women do
Men’s recognize that domestic and sexual violence have a different impact on women
Domestic and sexual violence are gendered
Not all men are similarly situated in relation to sexual and domestic violence
© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

23. Learning/Engagement Opportunities
Shut Down
Discomfort
Comfort
Little Learning
Zone
Alarm
Alarm
Optimal Learning Zone
Little Learning / Damage Zone

24. Engagement Strategies
Meet men where they are
Engaging hostile men is different than engaging overcommitted men
Don’t engage men to change men
Know why you’re engaging men (why should this man/group be engaged)
Engage men…to do what?
Next Steps…
© 2009, 2012 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

25. Locating the problem Socio-Cultural X X Community
Organizational (Practices)
Intrapersonal
(Attitudes)
Relational
(Behaviors) X X
Community
(Norms)
Socio-Cultural
(Customs, laws, beliefs)

26. Continuum of Men’s Engagement
Questioning
Engaged but hesitant
Un-
interested
Engaged but Over-committed
Resistant
Engaged and ready to follow
Opposed
Overtly hostile
Actively Leading
© 2007 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

27. Engaging Men Identify which men you want to engage
Focus on “engage-able men”
Identify why they want to be engage
Identify their point of entrée
Identify what they need in order to stay engaged/increase their engagement
Identify who else they can engage
© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

28. © 2009 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved
Engaging Men
Male Significant others
Bystanders
Male as volunteers
Men who have perpetrated violence
Men in groups
© 2009 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

29. Why do you want this man? Combating male defensiveness
What is his point of entrée?
What are the next steps beyond this point of entrée that are accessible to him?
What supports does he need to take those next steps?
Is if okay if he doesn’t?

30. If you had a group of men who were engaged and ready to work… What would you have them do???

31. What Men Can do (Michael Flood, 2011)
Behave Nonviolently
Taking individual action
Join Collective Efforts

32. Behave Nonviolently Treat the women in our lives with respect
Equalize relationships
Resist sexism and violence
Inform yourself
Resist “settling”
Take action
© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

33. Bystander to Ally Overview of bystander theory Why men “stand by”
Who men “stand by” given the chance
Becoming an ally…
© 2009 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

34. Why men stand bY Defining the behavior Defining the relationship
Men less likely to define the behavior as problematic than women
Especially if they perceive it to be a relationship
No “cock-blocking”
© 2009, 2011 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved 34

35. And…
Men side with men
As default
Will side with women if
Know woman better than man
If have positive regard for woman
Diffusion of Responsibility – S&DV are “women’s issues”
Don’t know how
© 2009 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved 35

36. Furthermore… The kinds of situations that men see:
“relationship blues”
Flirting with the waitress
Locker-room talk
Speaking up = placing oneself as not “one of the guys.” (cost of intervening)
© 2009 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

37. Take Action Individually
Support women or men who have been victimized
Listen
Believe
Respect
Challenge/Care-front abusive men
Set a standard
Talk to your friends
Hold Accountable
© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

38. Take Action Become an ally Challenge Social Norms Provide Information
Challenge assumptions
Use humor
Talk to other men
Join a Men’s Group
Don’t use pornography
© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

39. Possible groups Fathers (esp. dads of teenagers) Coaches Men of faith
Teens
Victims
Loved ones
Former perpetrators
Male leaders in the community
Why should they be engaged?

40. © 2009 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved
Ally Theory
Listen
Accept Responsibility
Accept Personal Ownership of the Issue
Open Doors
Take Chances
Seek Support
Earn Trust
Act Reliably
Take the lead (at times)
“Check in”
Are Accountable
© 2009 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

41. Different Types of Alliances
Boys as allies for girls
Boys as allies for each other
Adult males as allies for boys
To support leadership development
To foster gender respect
Adult males as allies for women and girls
© 2009/2010 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

42. Join Collective Efforts
White Ribbon Campaign
Walk a Mile in her Shoes
Mentor younger men
Offer presentations
Boycott sexist media
Challenge pro-violent media
Don’t use

43. Effective Strategies Don’t engage men to change men
Start with men you know
Start with these men with where they are (not where you wish they were or think they should be)
Create points of entrée
Thing strategizing more then event planning
Support their development
Invite them to do the work, not listen to a conversation
© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

44. Supporting Male Allies
Invite to be further involved
Provide resources
Connect him/them with others
Support through their learning
Provide additional support

45. © 2009 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved
On Accountability
Accountability is…
Transparent
Process not end-point
Relational
Following through
Listening to feminists first
Accepting Consequences
Making Amends
© 2009 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

46. Why do you want to engage men?
© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

47. Why Engage Men Because they “need to get it”
Because they can be ambassadors for your organization/mission
Because they are core partners in prevention
Because they have been victimized
Because they love women or men who have been victimized
Others…
© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

48. How do you focus on the support for and empowerment of women…
and engage and support men?
© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

49. Organizational Readiness
Interested
but
unprepared
Ambivalent
Hesitant
Uninterested
Resistant
Over-taxed
Opposed
Ready, prepared and engaging
© 2009/2010 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

50. What Concerns or Fear do you have about Engaging Men?
© 2010/2012 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

51. Which men Which men do you want to engage?
Why these men?
What access do you have to these men?
What methods do you have to engage these men?
How do you make these men feel welcome and comfortable within your organization?
© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

52. Men’s Views of You
Why (according to your community) do men come to your door?
What is men’s experience of coming in your door?
What is men’s perceptions of you?
As an organization
The staff within the organization
What is men’s perceptions of men who are connected to your organization?
© 2009/2011 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

53. Things to consider Are men
Potential perpetrators
Potential victims
Potential allies
Men have a different understanding of/relationship to violence than do women.
Men’s understanding of/relationship to is at the intersection of their identities.
Accepting men from where they are, not where you want them to be.
Make room for men to grow in their understanding
© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

54. More things to consider
Many men perpetrate “low level” forms of violence and abuse/Most men perpetrate sexism.
How you respond to different levels of sexism/abuse
Defining different roles for men than for women within the agency/movement.
It’s not a matter of if, but when…
© 2009/2011 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

55. And finally…
What experience do men have in following women’ s leadership?
What experience do women have in providing leadership to men?
1) Men tend to define and experience leadership differently than women.
2) Imagine women coaching men’s college or pro teams

57. MenEngage International Networks57

58. Resources A Call to Men (www.acalltomen.com)
Men Against Domestic Violence (
Men Against Rape (
Men Against Sexual Violence (
Men Against Violence Against Women (
Men Against Violence (
Men Can Stop Rape (
Men’s Initiative of Jane Doe Inc. (
© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

59. Resources II Men’s Nonviolence Project (www.tcfv.org/nulceus/mnp.php)
Men Stopping Rape (
Men Stopping Violence (
Men’s Resource Center for Change (
Men’s Resources International (
Men Today Men Tomorrow (
MensWork: eliminating violence against women (
White Ribbon Campaign (
© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved

60. Thank-You!!!
Rus Ervin Funk PO box 4878 Louisville, KY (502)