1. Male Friendship and Other Social Relationships
Men and Masculinity
Male Friendship and Other Social Relationships

2. What Men Desire
Men have the desire to be with other men and women in positive emotional and instrumental ways
Men express identification with each other
Hope for success, respect, and significant attachments to groups
Enact manly qualities, such as courage, determination, goal-orientation, hard work, and team-spirit

3. Problems of Masculinity
Most men in our culture have been followers and not leaders, as Emerson said, "living lives of quiet desperation." This desperation has often resulted in acting out real social and psychological deprivations, and acting out distortions, such as alcoholism and domestic violence.

4. Problems of Masculinity
The striving for success directly linked to stress, and the high rate of cardio-vascular disease among men
The striving for respect has often led to distorted images of other men
homophobic remarks and violence
distorted images of women in language, through discrimination and sexualized violence
Loneliness

5. The Double-Edge
Our desire for male friendships that embody complete trust that other men will not take advantage of our vulnerabilities
The competing demand to be:
the self-reliant loner
the winner
emotionally strong and hard

6. Men In Groups Men in groups are often a source of:
conflict, violence, substance abuse, and ugly sexist and sexual behavior
Often this is acted out through:
use of violence against oneself and against others -- physical abuse of others, substance abuse, irresponsible sex and risk-taking behavior
This creates a cycle of fear in women, and a cycle of self-destruction in men

7. Masculinity is a Test Themes: "the flight from the feminine “
defense of masculine turf
deny fearing other men
men fear being exposed as a sissy
fear being unmasked as feminine
constant tests of manhood

8. The Male Sex Role
1. "NO SISSY STUFF!" -- One may never do anything that even remotely suggests femininity. Masculinity is the RELENTLESS repudiation of the feminine.
2. "BE A BIG WHEEL" -- Masculinity is measured by power, success, wealth and status.
3. "BE A STURDY OAK" -- Masculinity depends on remaining calm and reliable in a crisis, holding emotions in check. In fact, proving you're a man depends upon never showing your emotions at all (except anger).
4. "GIVE ‘EM HELL" -- Exude a aura of manly daring and aggression. Go for it. Take risks.

9. Problems with the Model
No opportunity to think critically about the sexist model of masculinity
the strong offense turns out to be a shaky defense
imagined security is a source of insecurity
expression of confidence is often bluster, and is actually driven by fear

10. Pleck’s Paradox
Men have power, but most men experience powerlessness in much of their lives
Men do not recognize the destruction that we have caused ourselves or others need to understand how we oppress ourselves
The "male mystique" makes it difficult to have loving male friendship and bonding -- it turns men permanently against one another

11. Shame and Male Loyalty Shame leads to silence
To preserve the distorted male bond
men often resort to denial and distortion of themselves in defense of masculinity
men often deny the "other" and render them invisible
men together profess loyalty to the distorted ideal of masculinity, and simultaneously, because embedded in it is fear of other men, find themselves in opposition to each other!

12. Taking Action Reverse the standard
be critical rather than just going along
speak out instead of remaining silent
Understand the linkage of domination to masculinity that pits each man against each other

13. Hobart Leaders Can take a stand against these distortions
express new models
generate more positive & committed friendships
generate more enriching social relationships
become better communicators and better listeners
teach others how to create groups and friendships that help men to feel truly secure in themselves and their manhood

14. Worthy Goals exhibit gentle-manliness
unmask your selves, act funny, be silly, and be in a relationship of care with one another
enhanced and enriched relationships
become more rounded, less lonely, and less stressed

15. Horizon Thinking Embrace this opportunity for leadership
Create new models of masculinities
Deepen your relationships with each other and the women of William Smith
Be active in the community, do good work, help others, and be a source of healing
Reclaim brotherhood, fatherhood, and reinvent what it means to be a man

16. Creating Masculinities
Men can create and sustain masculinities that:
celebrate deepening friendships
celebrate male variety
create expressions of lasting and humane value
create bonds that rest on the worthy foundations of respect and care
Be proud to be a Hobart Man!