1. GET THE BEHAVIOR YOU WANT
without being the parent you hate
Deborah Gilboa, MD

2. If you could wave a magic wand...
Which behavior would you change at home?

3. hap·pi· ness: noun good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy
INGREDIENTS:
Confidence
Competence
Relationships
hap·pi· ness: noun

4. “Happiness Now” Pressure
Unattainable
Conflicts with resilience
Removes opportunity for resilience “practice”
Causes us to change the narrative to support everything being ok
Limits the resources we offer
We’re terrible at predicting it for others

5. Change the reaction.

6. YOU NEED A PLAN 1. Pick a behavior. 2. Decide on consequences.
3. Meet as a family.
4. Stick to it!

7. Methods: CHANGE “HOW- TO” Key ingredient: CONSISTENCY. Distraction
Separation
Non-response
Losing priveleges
Contracts
Key ingredient:
CONSISTENCY.

8. 3 R’s of PARENTING Respect Responsibility Resilience
That’s my kid!
Responsibility
Build a great work ethic.
Resilience
Manage difficulty.

9. WHY RESPECT? Turns an obligation into an achievement
Transforms interaction into relationship
Gives an individual the certainty of belonging

10. RESPECT WHAT IS IT? Recognizing worth or excellence
Showing regard or consideration
Impossible to give if you don’t have any
Crucial for success.

11. DEMONSTRATE RESPECT Tone of voice. Titles of respect. Eye contact
Body Language
Secret Code
Negotiating
Parental privacy
3 sentences; amazing results!

12. RESPONSIBILITY Chores/roles Homework Practice Leadership Service
One work ethic; sentences

13. RESILIENCE “I’ll be really interested to see what you do!”
Mistakes teach resilience.
Praise the process.
Let life teach the lesson.
Choices, within limits.
Encourage some risk-taking.
Reach out for resources!
“I’ll be really interested to see what you do!”

14. RESILIENCE CHALLENGES
Mistakes
Accidents
Pain
Social consequences
Judgment
11:00 News…

15. When-not-if Language Set Remove Model Set expectations
Model the cycle
Remove
Remove the premise of failure
Set
Set expectations
When-not-if Language

17. Resilience requires trust.
FINDING RESILIENCE
Resilience requires trust.

18. Empathy
without intervention.

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