1. Promoting Healthy Relationships and Body Safety in Young Children of All Abilities
Rachel Nemhauser
Parent to Parent Program Supervisor
(206)
Claire Tierney
Healthy Relationships Program Manager
(206)

2. Today’s presentation will cover:
Sexual Development in Children With and Without Disabilities
Mental Age Theory: Harmful or Helpful?
Fielding Difficult Questions About Relationships and Sexuality
Let’s Practice: You want to know the answer to what???
Developing core skills: Consent, Boundaries, Assertiveness, Privacy
Get Creative: Develop an activity to promote core skills.

3. Sexual Development What is the same and what is different?
The Same for Everyone
Assigned gender and gender conditioning
Experiences sexual feelings and need intimacy
Has aspirations that include things like marriage and starting a family
Goes through puberty and hits other physical developmental milestones
Need education to navigate sexuality safely
Different for People with I/DD
Experiences social isolation
Has a privacy Deficit
Emphasis on compliance
Needs more explicit social cues to be successful when socializing
Inappropriate behaviors are seen and accepted as part of the disability, and permitted
More helper relationships
Less access to sex education (formal and informal)

4. Mental Age Theory Conversations with Ivanova Smith
“Technically she’s sixteen but mentally she’s like a toddler.”
Convenient or harmful?
How does using Mental Age Theory impact how you answer a student’s questions? How you advise them on life decisions?
Alternatives to Mental Age Theory
Mental Age: The measure of an individual's mental attainment based on the age in which it takes an average individual to reach that same level of attainment.

5. “What is masturbation?”
Oh No, What Do I Do Now? Fielding difficult questions about relationships and sexuality
Example
“What is masturbation?”
Is this a question about the physical act of masturbation?
Is this a question about the social implications of masturbation?
Is this about the feelings that come with masturbation?
Deconstructing The Question
Ask clarifying questions so you understand what’s being asked.
Consider the different implications of the question.

6. Oh No, What Do I Do Now? Fielding difficult questions about relationships and sexuality
Acknowledge your discomfort
Give positive messages
It’s ok to feel embarrassed
It’s ok to make a plan to answer the question, or have a bigger talk later
Be concrete and graphic
Use anatomically correct language
Use repetition
Combat negative messages, especially ones related to disability
As educators we give information, but parents can also talk about their values around these subjects.

7. Developing Core Skills Consent and Boundaries
Ask permission for hugs, high fives, etc. Encourage your child to do the same with people and pets.
Say thank you when a boundary is shared from your child or when they respect the boundaries of others.
Let caregivers, medical professionals, and family members know they need to ask permission before routine activities that involve touch.
Talk frequently about what kind of touch is allowed, and by whom.

8. Developing Core Skills Choice
Choices help combat feelings of powerlessness.
Demand tolerance is a skill we develop in parallel to making choices.
When something has to be done, offer choices on how it gets done.
Choices within necessary tasks combats feelings of helplessness and can prevent or deescalate conflict.
Make sure participants understand why the task at hand is necessary.
Create options during regular routines and respect the choices made.
Let them know their voice matters. If you mess up or embarrass them, you can apologize and let them know you heard them.

9. Developing Core Skills Assertiveness
Offer YES or NO choices, and say “Thank you for sharing your boundaries” when the answer is no.
When doing routine activities (preparing a snack, for example) talk about how that activity would be different if a stranger or acquaintance did it
Roleplay scenarios in which your child can practice saying no
Practice the nonverbal components of assertiveness: standing tall, looking in the eye, holding out a hand, open and confident body language, etc.

10. Developing Core Skills Privacy
Ensure your child has a place where they can expect privacy.
Practice naming the most and least private places your child has access to, adding nuance as skills develop
Use anatomically appropriate language to talk about the areas on the body that we usually consider private. “Anything covered by a bathing suit” is an easily understood definition to start with.
Define not only what body parts and places are private, but also what activities and information are private.

11. Contact Information
Claire Tierney
Healthy Relationships Program Manager
The Arc of King County
(206)
Rachel Nemhauser
Parent to Parent Program Supervisor
The Arc of King County
(206)