1. OCB3 Revision Instructions - E1H

2. Revision focus
You already have a complete rough draft (thesis + 2 body paragraphs)
Today, focus on making that draft the best it can be

3. Outline - What you’ve already done
Thesis Statement
Body Paragraph 1
Topic Sentence (speaker + strategy 1 + message)
Context for Quote #1
Blended sentence (T.C.S. lead-in to Quote #1 w/MLA citation)
Analysis of Quote #1 – explain effect on audience AND connect to speaker’s claim
Transition to context for Quote #2
Blended Sentence (T.C.S. lead-in to Quote #2 w/MLA citation)
Analysis of Quote #2 – explain effect on audience AND connect to speaker’s claim
Concluding Statement (transition?)
Body Paragraph 2
Transition + Topic Sentence (speaker + strategy 2 + message)
Context for Quote #3
Blended sentence (T.C.S. lead-in to Quote #3 w/MLA citation)
Analysis of Quote #3 – explain effect on audience AND connect to speaker’s claim
Transition to context for Quote #4
Blended Sentence (T.C.S. lead-in to Quote #4 w/MLA citation)
Analysis of Quote #4 – explain effect on audience AND connect to speaker’s claim
(transition?) Concluding Statement

4. Check your thesis statement
In the {insert text type} “{insert text title},” {insert speaker name} uses {insert rhetorical strategy 1} & {insert rhetorical strategy 2} to persuade/convince {insert speaker’s claim}.
Ex: In the TED Talk “What Adults Can Learn from Kids”, Adora Svitak uses logos and pathos to persuade adults that they need to have a more reciprocal relationship with kids and learn from them.

5. Check your topic sentence
Topic sentence: (baby thesis statement)
[speaker] + [strategy] + [message]
Ex: Smith uses ethos to persuade her audience that meaning in life is more important.

6. TCS Transition See transitions to the side Context (paraphrase)
Speaker
Make sure this is addressed
Possible transitions:
Also
Another
For example
As well
While
During
After
Before

7. Evidence Look at what you selected as your evidence:
Does it serve the speaker’s purpose?
Is it a strong example of that strategy?

8. Explanation of evidence
Look at what you wrote for analysis:
Did you identify how it is that strategy?
Did you address how it persuade?

9. Explaining evidence is 2 steps Identify strategy
Explain HOW it is persuasive
HOW does it persuade? Ask yourself:
How does this change a person’s mind?
How does it make a person want to take action?
What is the specific thing they are saying that causes the speaker to be persuasive?

10. Analyzing pathos?
Identify specific emotion AND the detail that creates that emotion
Highlight the emotion that is evoked in the audience, not the speaker
BOLD when you refer to the cited specific detail in your analysis
Ex: Svitak asks her audience to be a part of the positive change when she asks them “Are you ready to make the match?” because she asks them to be a part of a positive, possible change, thereby inspiring them to act differently.
Then explain HOW this persuasive
It’s not enough to just say there’s that emotion; how does that emotion make the audience want to act on the speaker’s message?
Underline where you explain how
How does it make you want to do what she says or change the way you think?

11. Analyzing logos? Identify specific fact/logic/statistic
Highlight when you use the key word for logos
BOLD when you refer to the cited specific fact/logic/statistic in your analysis
Ex: She utilizes historical and contemporary cases of irrational, irresponsible behavior by citing several well-known instances of poor decision-making by adults that have caused global problems. By stating facts and real-world examples, Svitak uses logos to pivot the misconception that only children are immature, and she demonstrates that adults are also capable of this so-called “childish” behavior.
Then explain HOW this persuasive
It’s not enough to just say there’s that emotion; how does that emotion make the audience want to act on the speaker’s message?
Underline where you explain how
How does it make you want to do what she says or change the way you think?

12. Analyzing ethos? Identify specific element of credibility
Highlight when you use the key word for ethos
BOLD when you refer to the cited specific aspect in your analysis
Ex: Svitak, as an author, has the personal experience of doing extraordinary things as a child, thereby proving that children are able to do incredible things.
Then explain HOW this persuasive
It’s not enough to just say there’s that emotion; how does that emotion make the audience want to act on the speaker’s message?
Underline where you explain how
How does it make you want to do what she says or change the way you think?

13. Transitions To go to your second body paragraph In addition Similarly
Likewise
To conclude (at the end of your second body paragraph)
As a result
Therefore
Finally

14. Final proofreading
Proofread your paper to make sure there are no mistakes
Use spell check
Read out loud to check phrasing
No 1st/2nd person pronouns
Check grammar (including punctuation)

15. Due date - Thursday at 11:59pm to Turnitin.com
You will not have more time in class to work on your paper; however, you can work on it at home
I will give you reminders, but make sure you meet your deadlines!

16. Sample essay
In the TED Talk “What Adults Can Learn from Kids,” Adora Svitak uses logos and pathos to persuade adults to have more reciprocal relationships with kids.
Svitak appeals to her audience’s sense of logic to prove adults and kids should learn from one another. She expresses frustration with adults’ stereotypes and mislabeling of children, as well as argues that age does not dictate ability or character. Early in her speech, Svitak challenges the definition of “childish” and demands her audience to “take a look at these events: Imperialism and colonization, world wars, George W. Bush. Ask yourself, who’s responsible? Adults” (Svitak). She utilizes historical and contemporary cases of irrational, irresponsible behavior by citing several well-known instances of poor decision-making by adults that have caused global problems. By stating facts and real-world examples, Svitak uses logos to pivot the misconception that only children are immature, and she demonstrates that adults are also capable of this so-called “childish” behavior. Svitak opens her speech in this manner in order to persuade adults that they should learn from kids because, as she later explicitly points out, adults do not have all the answers themselves. Similarly, Svitak uses logos again when she provides examples of young people accomplishing great feats. She mentions the past achievements of “Anne Frank [touching] millions with her powerful account of the Holocaust,” and more “recently, Charlie Simpson helped to raise 120,000 pounds for Haiti” (Svitak). She lists examples of children evoking positive change in an adult-run world as further evidence. By describing these factual events, the audience can logically conclude that it is possible and perhaps beneficial to put more faith in today’s youth. Svitak not only uses logos, but also pathos to show adults should value kids’ ideas.
Additionally, Svitak appeals to her audience’s sense of emotion to convince adults to trust and support children’s imagination and talents…. [Repeat the steps above to complete this paragraph with 2 integrated quotes that are examples of pathos.]