1. Turn & Talk: What does this mean, and how can it be achieved in writing?
“A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short…but that every word tell.” -The Elements of Style by William Strunk and E.B. White (1959)
Vivid verbs and descriptive specific nouns
L.7.3.a

2. Making Clutter Removal Work
Stop thinking that more is always better.
Delete unneeded repetition.
Cut meaningless qualifiers and other deadbeat words.
Sever sentences that don’t belong.
Combine your sentences to clean up clutter.
L.7.3.a

3. Your Turn!
Compare and contrast the two versions of When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead (provided by your teacher).
Be prepared to discuss which is better and why.
Version 1
Version 2 Extras
Weekends
Saturdays and Sundays .
You will need passages from Dropbox – Grammar folder – to compare and contrast strong and weak models – Passage: When You Reach Me
Read Version 1 of text as the narrator describes her mom’s boyfriend
Ask students what words or phrases stick with them. Why?
Ask students what works in this writing. Where?
Read Version 2 of text, compare to version 1 line by line, paragraph by paragraph. (using chart on slide)
Decide which one is better and why.
L.7.3.a

4. What do you notice? What types of things did the author use to vary her sentences?
“He had been in Auschwitz with his family: The guards had separated him and his father from his mother and younger brother and sisters who were sent immediately to the gas chambers.”

5. Considering Sentence Variety

6. What do you notice? How can you combine these sets of sentences to get different varieties?
It was before dawn and still dark. It was August 26, A boy was in the back of a small house. It was in Torrence, California. The boy was twelve years old. He sat up in bed. He listened.

7. What do you notice?
There was a sound. It was coming from outside. The sound was growing. It grew ever louder.

8. What do you notice?
It was huge. It was a rush. The rush was heavy. It suggested immensity. It suggested a great parting of air.

9. What do you notice?
It was coming from directly above the house. The boy swung his legs. He swung them off his bed. He raced down the stairs. He slapped open the door. He loped onto the grass.

10. What do you notice?
The yard was otherworldly. The yard was smothered in darkness. The darkness was unnatural. The yard was shivering with sound.

11. What do you notice?
The boy stood on the lawn. He was beside his brother. His brother was older. His head was thrown back. He was spellbound.

12. Published: Unbroken
In the predawn darkness of August 26, 1929, in the back of a small house in Torrance, California, a twelve-year-old boy sat up in bed, listening. There was a sound coming from outside, growing ever louder. It was a huge, heavy rush, suggesting immensity, a great parting of air. It was coming from directly above the house. The boy swung his legs off the bed, raced down the stairs, slapped open the back door, and loped onto the grass. The yard was otherworldly, smothered in unnatural darkness, shivering with sound. The boy stood on the lawn beside his older brother, head thrown back, spellbound.

13. Golden Sentence for Emulation
Choose a sentence from Hildebrand’s published text that stands out to you.
Read. Analyze. Emulate.