1. Theories of Attraction and Mate Selection
Love is in the Air
Theories of Attraction and Mate Selection

2. Romantic Love
Regardless of the unconsicious or active attraction to another individual, meeting and considering the instigation of a relationship with someone is only the first step in selecting a life partner.
Throughout history, the concepts of “love” and “romance” have dominated pop culture, with both being frequently referenced in books, movies, music, and other forms of media.
The concept is relatable – the challenges, confusion, heartbreaks, and triumphs of love are closely connected to the human condition, and are relatable on a number of levels.
In fact, there is a societal expectation that falling in love is not only normal, but necessary for individuals. According to a study conducted by David Buss (1994), a woman would not marry a man with all the qualities that she desired unless she loved him, or thought she could love him.

3. What is “love”?
According to a study conducted by Robert Sternberg (1988) in which he interviewed hundreds of men and women who said they were in love, romantic love has three parts:
Passion: a strong feeling of sexual desire for another that develops quickly
Intimacy: an intense friendship that develops more slowly as each individual shares his or her experiences, thoughts, and feelings with the other
Commitment: a joint decision to maintain the relationship as it grows; the rewards of remaining in the relationship instead of in others becomes evident, and individuals accept reciprocal roles and mutual interdependence
This Love Triangle develops at different rates for every couple, and thus the nature of romantic love changes with time.

4. One True Love
Love relationships based on intimacy require individuals to fully appreciate each other’s uniqueness and separateness. This involves understanding what one has to offer, as well as what one needs from another in return.
According to Life Course theorists, individuals are not fully capable of maintaining committed relationships until the identity crisis of the transition to adulthood is resolved. As such, committing to a relationship early in life might result in identifying oneself through the relationship.
Levinson and Erikson both suggest that women are more likely to define themselves through their connections with others, and so might develop a committed relationship as part of forming their identity.
Comparatively, men typically prefer to maintain more independence in their relationships until their life structures are established.
As such, Life Course theorists do not support the idea that there is only “one true love” for each individual, as young men and women typically wait to marry the person they are with when they are “emotionally and physically ready to take on life-altering responsibilities” of marriage (Kefalas, Furstenberg, & Napolitano, 2005, p. 15).

5. The Science of Love
Biologically speaking, the sudden and dramatic feelings of passion when lovers fall “head over heels in love” result from high levels of natural amphetamines.
These amphetamines make lovers feel alert, a sensation that is accompanied by an increased heart rate, flushed face, and rapid breathing.
Psychobiologists such as Michael Liebowitz call this blissful emotional state limerence. While similar to fear in its physical aspects, it is distinguished from it only by the mind being focused on the loved one, which could explain why passion usually involves a feeling of anxiety about losing the other.
After several years as a couple, amphetamine levels drop and are replaced by the hormone oxytocin – ie., the highly aroused but exhausting state of limerence gives way to a state of calm and satisfaction. While this may be less exciting, it is typically more enduring.
From an evolutionary perspective, love is advantageous – passion draws individuals together to reproduce, and the intimacy and commitment that follow allow couples to maintain their relationships over the long term in order to support each other, and nurture and raise children.

6. Attributes of Romantic Love
According to Helen Harris, the psychological motivation for romantic love comes from a “desperate need to connect, and a fear of being alone”. Her metastudy on the attributes needed for romantic love included the following:
A desire for a physical and emotional merger.
Idealization of the love object.
Emotional dependency.
Desire of exclusivity.
Reordering of motivational priorities.
Intrusive thinking.
Concern for the beloved.
Romantic love provides the psychological motivation for individuals to marry, or to form enduring couple relationships in societies where marriage is not a social, economic, or familial obligation.
While there is a biological basis for attraction, there is also a psychological need to be loved, and so individuals have a desire to connect with another and to follow the social norms of being a couple in a society organized around couple relationships.

7. Finding Your Match

8. Finding Your Match Read pages 212 to 218 in your textbook.
Record an explanation and evaluation of each of the following:
Arranged Marriage
Courtship
Script Theory
How has dating changed in the 21st century? Use evidence from the textbook, as well as your own knowledge.
What is Murstein’s “Filter Theory”? (Ensure that you look up the term “propinquity.”) How does this theory apply to dating in the 21st century?