1. Step 5 to writing success
Show, Don’t tell
Step 5 to writing success

2. Describe, describe, describe
This step is all about using your adjectives and including ACTIONS in your writing

3. In your writing….
‘Show’ with actions rather than ‘tell’ with words.

4. Be convincing
Rather than writing : Michael was in a bad mood…. Be more convincing. Use action to show how the character is feeling or what they are doing.

5. Show, Don’t tell!
Think about what a teenager would do if they came home in a bad mood:
Slam the front door
Throw their bag into the bedroom
Kick off his shoes
Head to the kitchen – and the fridge
Complain there was no food.

6. Then put it all together…
She was just powering down on the computer when the door slammed. Michael was home. ‘Hi’ she called. ‘How was school?’ There was a grunt, barely heard, and then the sound of a bag hitting the bedroom floor hard. Not good. She sighed and headed to the kitchen. Michael was already there, staring with slumped shoulders into the open fridge. ‘Damn’, he said, shoving the door shut hard. ‘There’s never anything to eat in this house!’

7. Showing, NOT telling takes longer to do, but brings characters to life and is far more convincing too.

8. activity
Brainstorm with the person beside you 20 things that ‘show’ dads hate gardening.
eg. The weeds are 30cm tall
eg. He goes off to the hardware store – and takes 4 hours to get back

9. On your own
Choose a couple of reasons and write a paragraph to ‘show’ exactly how dads feel about gardening. OR use the starter below: ‘What great weather we’ve got for the working bee,’ said Mum, pulling on her gardening gloves.

10. Comparing ‘show’ and ‘tell’
TELL: Cassandra, the model, was really tall and really stuck up. SHOW: Cassandra strolled into our house like she was on a catwalk. ‘Hi,’ she said and look as if she was bored already. She did he long slow model walk to the nearest chair, ducking her head under the lounge room light as if she would hit it. She was tall, but trust me, she wasn’t that tall.

11. Comparing ‘show’ and ‘tell’
TELL: My grandmother used to be a famous ballet dancer but now she is really old and frail. SHOW: Ma had come to the front door to greet us. She always calls everyone ‘dear’. It’s easier. She’s ninety one and tends to get all the names mixed up. She once used to be a great ballet dancer. She’d toured the world – now you could see all the veins stand out in her hands just from the effort of standing up.

12. Comparing ‘show’ and ‘tell’
TELL: The old house was really dark and creepy. Katy and I were trying to be brave. SHOW: It was dark in the house, but the light at the top of the stairs made shadows where none should be. Weird. There should have been silence too, but all around us were these tiny creaking sounds, so low I wondered if they were real. Then came a scurry of feet, way too large to be mice. ‘Rats?’ whispered Katy. I shook my head and swallowed hard. ‘I don’t think so,’ I muttered. My mouth was dry.

13. A teacher is about to get married. E. G
A teacher is about to get married. E.G.  Her nails are always painted so she can flash the ring around. Opening sentence:   ‘Now, next term I won't be here of course,' said Miss Bettersley….
A parent and a kid are always fighting about playing computer games. E.G.  Kid flicks the screen off every time the parent comes in. Opening sentence:  ‘How did the maths test go?'  I was barely home from school and mum was on my back again.
The new neighbours are a pain e.G. The radio plays loud footy every weekend in their back garden. Opening sentence:  ‘Hey mate, can you turn the footy down a bit?' yelled dad over the fence.
A girl thinks a guy is really hot, but is too shy to tell him.  (Or vice versa) e.G.  She stammers and mumbles when they talk. Opening sentence:  ‘Isn't that Ken over there?' Asked Shelly.
Activity
Choose a prompt and write a paragraph that ‘SHOWS’ actions of characters.