1. Poliamory and Ethics Daniel Heiman
Prof Aaron ben Zeev (Haifa university)
Dr. David-Rodriguez Arias (University of Granada)

2. 20 seconds about me Daniel Heiman lives in Beer-Sheva, Israel
First year philosophy PhD student in Haifa university
Erasmus Mundus in the University of Granada
M.A in clinical psychology from Ben-Gurion University
Doctoral dissertation:
“Experience, awareness and coping mechanisms with jealousy among polyamory couples”

3. Before we talk about polyamory let us talk about monogamy
Despite humans beings living for hundreds of thousands of year non monogamic lives, monogamy has been the consensus in the west for centuries and has become a norm

4. And some more monogamy

5. And even more
Sounds great, right?

6. Truth is not as bright
Cheating is a widespread phenomenon – studies suggest between 20-70% of the general population cheated at least once in their lives
Divorce rates around 50% in most western countries.
Number of single person households almost doubled it self since the 1970s
So is monogamy an ethical
choice?
Let us consider the
alternatives
Psychologist story

7. Polyamory

8. What is polyamory? Multiple Primary Lovers living together
Polyamory is the practice of being in intimate relationships with one or more partners, with the consent and the knowledge of all partners
No one way to experience polyamory, nor to define it:
swinging
Multiple Primary
Lovers
living together

9. So what does polyamory has to do with ethics?

10. Thou shall not commit adultery (God, around 2000 B.C?)
In the past monogamy was a system that could ensure the best survival rate for all parties involved and the mongamous way ensured both male and female that they rear for their own children but now in the 21st century with ample birth control could could having sex with an outside partner be an ethical decision?

11. Some interesting questions that polyamory raises
Does faithfulness = exclusivity?
Does love ought to be exclusive?
Does sex ought to be exclusive?

12. “in polygamy the person who surrenders herself gains only a part of the man who gets her completely, and therefore makes herself into a mere thing”
(Kant, Lectures on metaphysics)

14. These questions raises yet more questions?
Is there such a thing as “mere sex” – Can we have sex just because it’s an activity that is enjoyable and provides us pleasure? Can we just love for the sake of love – because giving and receiving love is an activity that bring joy to us and to those surrounding us?
Example of food survival nutrition and enjoyment

15. And yet another questions
What exactly is the connection between sex and love?
And are the two automatically interlinked or can they abide separately?
Regardless of what you choose – Monogamy or Polyamory, There’s probably some compromise to be done, and some ethical questions involved
Sex has value and love has value and potentially one can make the other grater. The idea of sexual exclusivity might be to limit and focus all the resources on one person and thus make the love bigger and more sustainable

16. The Big Lovers’ Dilemma
If you truly love someone, how could you limit your lover’s happiness, growth and freedom?
If you truly love someone, how could you concisely choose to take part in actions that could very well hurt the one you love?

17. Envy and jealousy as destructive forces in polyamory and elsewhere
Envy - An emotion that involves a wish to have something that we don't have and another person has. Usually with the feeling that this gap between ourselves and that person is not fair
Jealousy - An emotion that involves fear or anxiety concerning the possibility of losing something that is significant to us that will be taken by someone else.
Envy e.g: Paul felt jealous when Brian, his younger brother, was born as he was afraid to lose all the love and attention he was receiving from his parents
Jealousy: e.g: Stacey felt envy when she saw how skinny Paula was even though she was eating junk food most of the time, while Stacey was eating healthy food yet still having hard time losing weight.

18. Jealousy from a new point of view
Compersion -Being empathetic or even happy and joyful when your lover is enjoying another relationships
Working with jealousy – What stands behind the jealousy, what can we learn from it, and how can it be communicated positively and constructively?

19. So what system is better? Which one more is more ethical?
Polyamory Monogamy

20. Talk to me at 2019
As with most questions of philosophy– probably not one correct and definitive answer
Monogamy can be great for some
People while other people claim that polyamory is the best thing
that happened in their lives
Make the choice that fits your needs
and desires and communicate it well
El Fin