1. Communication Breakdown!
Common Communication Issues between men and women

2. Nature and Nurture BOYS: group-oriented
teamwork= strong group of friends
GIRLS:
 individual- oriented
 one-on-one talking= one or two best friends

3. Differing Perceptions:
STATUS LENS:
(males)
looking for differences to achieve status
young boys try to “one up” each other
stronger personalities give orders= leader= HIGHER STATUS
weaker personalities accept orders= subordinate= LOWER STATUS
CONNECTION LENS:
(females)
 look for similarities to achieve connection
 try to achieve equality, not superiority

4. Non-verbal Communication: LISTENING RITUALS
MEN:
avoid direct eye contact
are still listening, although they may not look directly at you
misinterpret direct eye contact as confrontational or flirtatious
WOMEN:
 direct, face-to-face gaze
 used to focus on connection
 misinterpret no eye contact as a sign of not listening

5. VERBAL COMMUNICATION: CONVERSATION RITUALS
not to be taken literally
Both “styles” are valid
tools used for establishing friendly connections to facilitate communication
example: “How are you?”... “Fine, thanks”

6. CONVERSATION RITUALS RITUAL OPPOSITION: RITUAL APOLOGY: (MEN) (WOMEN)
boys “play fight”
playing Devil’s Advocate
used NOT to challenge but rather to explore possibilities
Women misinterpret opposition as:
indication of bad idea or mistake
personal attack
RITUAL
APOLOGY:
(WOMEN)
 “I’m not sorry; I’m sorry”
 means I’m sorry that happened
 NOT a personal apology
 used as a transition in conversation
Men misinterpret apology as:
 disorganization
 incompetence

7. CONVERSATION RITUALS MEN:
Use “report talk,” focusing on informational details
Often about themselves
use playful insults and teasing
Jokes/humor establish status
WOMEN:
 Use “rapport talk,” focusing on personal subjects
 use compliments, verbal and non-verbal cues (touching)
Often downplay their achievements
women interrupt to show agreement, to give support, or to give “cooperative overlap”

8. GIVING ORDERS: DIRECT: INDIRECT: (women) (men)
dictate orders
not trying to be bossy or offensive
Men usually initiate and are more comfortable with conflict
Women misinterpret direct orders as:
impoliteness
overbearing
INDIRECT:
(women)
 use strategies not to appear bossy
 “could we do this…”
 “do you think it’s possible…”
 “I would do it this way…”
Men misinterpret indirect approach as:
 not being managerial
 easier to say “NO”

9. Tips for Increasing Your Communication Savvy
Become aware of communication issues
Learn what YOUR rituals are
Observe the rituals of others
Don’t “pigeonhole” people