1. Intro to Psychology Unit 5: Conflict
David Rude

2. Conflict is the result of miscommunication
Conflict is the result of miscommunication. Miscommunication with your self and/or others. Learning to really listen - handout Being unable to decide or choose or get what we want can lead to conflict. Stubbornness, using defense mechanisms, distorted thinking and self – hate can all lead to conflict.

3. “The Word” by R. S. Thomas A pen appeared, and the god said:
A pen appeared, and the god said:
‘write what it is to be man.’
And my hand hovered
long over the bare page,
until there, like footprints
of the lost traveler, letters
took shape on the page’s
blankness, and I spelled out
the word ‘lonely.’ And my hand
moved to erase it; but the voices of
all those waiting at life’s
window cried out: ‘it’s true.’

4. but myself, and sometimes see in shop-windows,
“Self Portrait”
I resemble everyone
but myself, and sometimes see
in shop-windows,
despite the well-known laws
of optics,
the portrait of a stranger,
date unknown,
often signed in a corner
by my father.
A. K. Ramanjuan

5. Conflict is a normal part of relationships and/but
New research shows that couples who say “we”

6. “Are women better communicators than men?”
Conflict
When you struggle with your partner/family member/etc. you are struggling with yourself.
Every fault to see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself.
Every conflict you wage is an excuse not to face a conflict within yourself.
“Are women better communicators than men?”

7. Dealing with personal conflict
What is the single greatest obstacle or problem you are dealing with right now?
Step 1: How do you feel about this problem? Be specific.
  Step 2: What does it mean that you are having this problem?
  Step 3: What are the challenges and opportunities that this problem presents?

8. Conflict Resolution Three basic styles Non-Assertive Assertive
Aggressive
Resolve conflict in mutually satisfying manner
Avoid Conflict
Win
I ignore my needs and satisfy yours
Compromise
Both our needs are satisfied
I ignore your needs and satisfy mine

9. “Interpreting Self Control Conflicts” – watch video
Do Conflict Resilience assessment

10. Conflict Resilience scoring key
15-39 Hmmm…I guess you already know you are not conflict resilient and coaching is highly recommended.
40-54 Your conflict resilience quotient is low and conflict coaching is recommended.
55-69 You are conflict resilient with a few areas that could use some work to strengthen your skills even more.
70-75 You are definitely conflict resilient!

11. Non-Assertive Beliefs
If I speak up or assert myself, others may become angry or upset with me.
If others become angry or upset, I may not be able to handle the situation.
It is wrong and selfish to refuse the requests of others.
If I allow myself to be selfish in this way it makes me a “bad” person.

12. Non-Assertive Beliefs
I must avoid asking questions or making statements that might make me look stupid or ignorant.
If I speak up others may not like me.
I prefer others to be open and straight-forward with me, but, if I’m straight forward and open with others, I will hurt them.
I am responsible for how others feel. (Common variation: I should be able to find a way of acting that will not hurt others.)

13. Aggressive Beliefs
I must always be strong. People who compromise are weak.
I must always be in control.
Life is a win or lose game. If I do not win, I have lost.
“Giving in” in any way means I am weak and the other person has “won.” It also means this person has taken advantage of me.
My solutions and methods are best. If they are not accepted I am a failure.
People are always trying to take away what is mine. I must stay on guard and fight to keep what’s mine

14. “10 Ways to be more assertive”
Handout
“Assertiveness”
“10 Ways to be more assertive”

15. Rights & Responsibilities
Relationship between rights and responsibilities
Non-assertive
Need to become more aware of rights
Aggressive
Need to become more aware of responsibilities.

16. “You” and “I” Messages You message
Assigns blame or puts the listener down
I message
Tells in an objective manner what you
See
Think or feel
Want
Often only need to say what you see or want

17. Handout on….
“I” Messages “Controlling Women”

18. D.E.R. Scripts Three Parts D = Describe the problem.
Describe a problem clearly and objectively.
Produce the least amount of resistance
Three Parts
D = Describe the problem.
E = Express your thoughts or feelings.
R = Request what you want

19. D.E.R. Scripts Over generalize
Common errors in D (Describe)
Over generalize
Words like “never,” “always,” and “every.”
Be specific to time and place
Too long
3 Sentences maximum

20. D.E.R. Scripts Common errors in E (Express) Too emotional
Low key is best
Disappointed, upset, angry, concerned
Blaming
Trying to make the other person feel bad
Mind-reading or psychoanalyzing
Guessing at goals, attitudes, or intentions.

21. D.E.R. Scripts Common errors in R (Request) Not stating what you want
Using unclear or vague terms
Examples: respect, responsible
State in behavior terms – what you want the person to do
Asking for changes in personality or deeply entrenched behaviors

22. Self assertion Self-assertion: Aggression:
Standing up for your rights by speaking out in your own behalf
A direct, honest expression of feelings and desires
Aggression:
Hurting another person or achieving one’s goals at the expense of another person

23. What Is Normal? Psychopathology
Scientific study of mental, emotional, and behavioral disorders
Also refers to abnormal or maladaptive behavior
Schizophrenia or depression

24. What are the problems with using statistical abnormality as the only means of identifying psychopathology?
Statistical abnormality tells us nothing about the meaning of deviations from the norm – statistically a high IQ is as abnormal as a very low one.
Sometimes a deviation is only a problem in one direction (high or low – anxiety, IQ)
Where do we draw the line between normal and abnormal
Median varies in different populations

25. Defining (Ab)normality
Situational Context
Social situation, behavioral setting, or general circumstances in which behavior takes place.

26. What are the problems with using social non-conformity as the only means of identifying psychopathology?
Need to differentiate between unhealthy nonconformity from creative lifestyles.
Charming and emotionally stable but eccentric vs abnormal.

27. Defining (Ab)normality
Core features
Maladaptive Behavior
Difficult to cope with day-to-day life
Loss of ability to control
Thoughts
Behaviors
Feelings

28. Introducing the concept of abnormalities
Winnie the Pooh and friends