1. The Five Paragraph
Essay
*Gasp*
By: Rachel Goldfarb

2. Okay
Go long!
Lets play hopscotch

3. I’m so excited I got a new beanie baby over the weekend
That’s so cool!
Oh man, that’s awesome!
Did you see my new pogs?

4. Okay, so we just have to get through third grade, right?
I’m so excited to start reading The Lunch Box Thief.  I can’t wait! I heard that we are going to be doing it first thing.  I’m so glad were done with our book reports.  That took me forever.
I wonder if we will have to keep writing them after 3rd grade.  They can’t possibly keep making us do this.  It seems like way too much writing to me.
How can you be excited about reading?  School is so boring. Why can’t we ever do anything fun?
Yea, my older brother is in eighth grade and I never see him doing any work.
Okay, so we just have to get through third grade, right?
You’re right, we should do math all day.
Math?!?! How could you say something like that?  Well at least you didn’t say writing.
School is fun when we don’t have to do stuff we don’t want to do.
Yea, we can agree on that.  If we never have to write another five paragraph essay I’ll be happy.

6. Okay class were going to get started today.  Who is ordering lunch today??

7. start with math, start with math…
start with reading, start with reading…

8. I forgot something out in hallway, I’ll be right back…
Now stop groaning class.  I think that you will all start liking this very soon.  It is really a good skill to have and you will use for a very long time.
I forgot something out in hallway, I’ll be right back…
Today we are starting with…the FIVE PARAGRAPH ESSAY!
Yea, probably until 7th grade but by then we’ll be really old and probably won’t have to do anything we don’t want to do.
Oh man…

9. Do you think we could convince him to let us write a four paragraph essay? Its only one paragraph shorter.

10. Hello class!! I’m Mr. Paragraph Man and I am here to teach you how to write paragraphs!

12. I come from the planet Perry Graph and have been sent on a mission to help you Earthlings learn a thing or two about writing.  On my planet we all learn this when we are three but I understand that here you guys need a little extra help.
Now here is my spaceship And this is how I got to Earth. Now lets start looking at those essays I heard you wrote last week.

13. I know... I might like writing even better than reading!
I can’t believe I’m saying this but…this actually isn’t so bad.
I know... I might like writing even better than reading!