1. Evolutionary Barriers and Opportunities
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.

2. One (unfinished) essay: a case history
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.

3. Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.

4. Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.

5. Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.

6. Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.

7. Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.
First Draft

8. My initial vision was impossible
First Lesson:
My initial vision was impossible
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.

9. Start Over
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.

10. First
Edit
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.

11. Fourth
Edit
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.

12. First Draft
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.

13. Some problems: - Lacks detail (of course)
- Sloppy and wastes words (of course)
- Disorganised: not one idea per paragraph (of course)
- Takes too long to get to nut graf (3rd para rather than 2nd)
- Examples of SDG conflicts get in way
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.

14. Need: condense 3 paras into 2
First Draft
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.
Need: condense 3 paras into 2

15. Obstacle 1: example of progress
First Draft
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.
Obstacle 1: example of progress

16. First sentence of second paragraph belongs in the first paragraph:
it's on the topic of good progress on the SDGs
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.

17. First Draft Obstacle 2: example of “obvious” conflicts
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.
Obstacle 2: example of
“obvious” conflicts

18. that this research is showing how to avoid the worst conflicts
The fact that there are “obvious” conflicts steers me away from getting to the main point:
that this research is showing how to avoid the worst conflicts
This needs to be background material coming after the “nut graf”
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.

19. First Draft
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.
Better – but second paragraph wastes many words and needs shortening

20. This sentence does nothing
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.
This sentence does nothing

21. Many words can be eliminated by making a more direct statement
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.
Many words can be eliminated by making a more direct statement

22. Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.
Using better words – “regress” rather than “moving away”, and mentioning the new study, which I had removed in earlier edit.

23. Current Draft Discovery: “obvious” conflicts come later
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.
Discovery: “obvious” conflicts come later

24. Current Draft Poor topic sentence: I still have a problem!!!!!
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.
Poor topic sentence: I still have a problem!!!!!

25. Current Draft I still have weak spots in the argument!!!!!
Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.
I still have weak spots in the argument!!!!!

26. Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more
effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the
frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that
seemed like it might be saying something interesting.
Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid
At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte
papers that avoid that problem.