1. Chapter 8
Improving Your Listening Skills

2. What prevents you from listening?

3. Why is listening so hard?
Distractions
I pod, IM’s, texts, phone
Others mannerisms
Preconceptions
What you already think about the speaker
Maybe you don’t respect them,
Don’t like their opinion

4. Why is listening so hard? Cont.
Self absorption
You like talking and listening to yourself rather than anyone else
You are busy thinking about your own agenda
Daydreaming
Fallen into a mental “black hole”
Boredom

5. Overcoming Barriers to Good Listening
Distractions. Don’t let environmental disturbances monopolize your attention.
Preconceptions. Don’t dismiss what is being said before you’ve even heard it.
Self-absorption. Focus on the speaker, not on your own response.
Daydreaming. Concentrate on the speaker even if your mind wants to race ahead.

6. Listening Effectively
Active listening
Be physically prepared
Be open
Be curious
Ask questions
Listen for meaning and verbal cues
Listen between the lines
Take notes

7. Active listening “So what I hear you saying is…”
“I understand that you…”
“Let me see if I have this right…”
You are concentrating on the speaker
You are participating in the communication
Nonverbal – attentive behavior

8. Strategies for Active Listening
Be physically prepared. Protect your hearing. Have it checked if you have trouble hearing. Sit close to speakers.
Be open. Listen with respect and without judging. Evaluate the message later.
Be curious. You will learn more by being observant and objective about listening.

9. Strategies for Active Listening
Ask Questions. Questions engage the speaker and clarify your understanding.
Ask open-ended questions to get more detail.
Ask closed-ended, “yes or no” questions to verify your understanding of the message.
Keep your questions relevant to the conversation.

10. Strategies for Active Listening
Listen for meaning and verbal cues. Think critically as you listen. Identify ideas, facts, and relationships in the speaker’s words.
Listen between the lines. Pay attention to nonverbal cues from the speaker.
Take Notes. This will force you to pay attention and decide what is most important.

11. Be Physically Prepared
Make sure you are in an environment where you can hear
Sit close to the front
Watch the speakers nonverbal cues

12. Be Open
Means you risk having to change you feelings, ideas or attitudes
Non-judgmental
Willing to accept other person
Let the message get through

13. COMMON LISTENING ERRORS
Overshooting
Parroting
Adding
The
Message
Lagging
Rushing
Added line around center circle for better clarity - when possible CHANGE illustration in Parent Workbook to match by inserting this PowerPoint slide on page 40
Subtracting
Analyzing
Undershooting

14. THE 12 ROADBLOCKS 1. Ordering 7. Praising 2. Warning 8. Name Calling
3. Moralizing 9. Analyzing
4. Advising Reassuring
5. Arguing Probing
6. Judging Being Sarcastic
Do these look familiar?
Review what some of the people said.
Why do you think Roadblocks are ineffective?
Put-down message – chip away at a child’s self esteem.
Put blame on child; make child feel guilty for his or her own needs
Roadblock are “you messages” they incorrectly shift the focus from “I have a problem” to “you have a problem”
BREAK

15. Telling other to do something Giving orders or commands
1. ORDERING
Directing
Commanding
Telling other to do something
Giving orders or commands
Have you used these sayings or heard them?
“Stop crying”
“Go to your room”
“Apologize to her”
“Quit your whining”

16. Telling others what consequences will follow if she/ he does something
2. WARNING
Threatening
Admonishing
Telling others what consequences will follow if she/ he does something
Have you used these sayings or heard them?
“I'm warning you, if you do that, then…”
“I’m going to tell you one more time…”
“That better be the last time..”
“You’ll never make friends if…”

17. Telling other what he/she should or out to do
3. MORALIZING
Preaching
Obliging
Telling other what he/she should or out to do
Roadblocks take responsibility for solving the problem away from the other person
“I don’t think you are capable of solving your own problem – so I will take over!”
Have you used these sayings or heard them?”
“You should never have done that.”
“You should have told me about this as soon as it happened.”
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

18. 4. ADVISING Giving suggestions Giving solutions
Telling other how to solve his/her problem
Have you used these sayings or heard them?
“The best thing for you to do is forget it ever happened.”
“What I would do is…”
“Why don’t you…” “Let me suggest…”

19. 5. ARGUING Persuading with logic
Instructing
Lecturing
Trying to influence other with
facts,
logic,
information
or teaching your opinion
Have you used these sayings or heard them?
“Here’s why you’re wrong…”
“The facts are…”
“Yes, but…”
“Why don’t you just try to find another job?”

20. 6. JUDGING Criticizing Blaming Nagging disagreeing
Making negative judgments or evaluations of others
Other Roadblocks are judgmental.
They send the message that the child is wrong!
Have you used these sayings or heard them?
“Maybe you started the fight?”
“You’re not thinking maturely.
“Now look what you have done?”

21. Evaluating positively Approving “Me-too”
7.PRAISING
Agreeing
Evaluating positively
Approving
“Me-too”
My mom agrees with me! There is no area for discussion.
The roadblock is there is not problem to discuss.
Have you used these sayings or heard them?
“Well, I think you’ve done a great job.”
“You have so much potential.”
“You’re right…that teachers sounds like a jerk.”
“You’ve always made it in the past.”

22. 8. NAME - CALLING Ridiculing Shaming Labeling Stereotyping SLOB
Stupid!
Some Roadblocks discount the feelings of the child or tell the child he/she is stupid or bad
Almost never appropriate and run the risk of creating a problem in the child (hurt, worried, fear…)\
Have you used these sayings or heard them?
“Stop being a crybaby!”
“It is stupid the worry about one low test grade.”
“You are a bad sport.”
“You are a slob leaving all your cloths on the floor”
"You idiot"
CRY BABY

23. Interpreting Diagnosing 9. ANALYZING
Have you used these sayings or heard them?
“You’re just doing that to get attention.”
“All that is wrong with you is…”
“What you really mean is…”
“You are just tired.”

24. Supporting Sympathizing Consoling 10. REASSURING
Roadblock which divert only to try to cover up the problem or send the message that the problem is not worthy of discussion.
Have you used these sayings or heard them?
“You will feel different tomorrow.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“Don’t worry, I know you’ll do a great job.”
“Things will work out for the best….you’ll see.”

25. Probing Interrogating 11. QUESTIONING
When you ask a child (or an adult) a question such as “Why are you confused?”
the child has to stop and ask herself; “Do I know the answer?”
If the child is unsure or does not know, it blocks her form continuing or at lease provides a distraction.
Teenagers are reluctant to give answers – because do they really want the parent to know the answer?
Have you used these sayings or heard them?
“Why did you do that?”
“Who talked you into doing such a thing?”

26. Diverting Humoring Distracting Being sarcastic 12. WITHDRAWING Sarcasm
Have you used these sayings or heard them?
“Let’s have lunch and forget about it!”
“That reminds me of the time when…”
“You think you’ve got problems!”
“It is a good thing the president doesn’t have problem as big as yours.”
SHOW
F.E.T. Video on Session 5

27. VIDEO

28. CONFRONTIVE I-MESSAGE
1. Non-blameful description of BEHAVIOR
2. Primary, congruent FEELINGS
3. Concrete, tangible EFFECTS
Here is the alternative to Roadblocks
A more effective way of influencing a child to change his or her unacceptable behavior.
Roadblock are “you messages” they incorrectly shift the focus from “I have a problem” to “you have a problem”
Confronting “I messages”
It describes in a non-blaming way what the child said or did that is unacceptable to you
It describes the conrete and tangible effects of that behavior on you.
It describes you feelings about the behavior or the efffect of the behavior on you.

29. What to wear What to say What to ask
Interviewing skills
What to wear
What to say
What to ask

30. Types of questions Open ended questions Close ended questions
Hypothetical questions
Leading questions
Multi-barrelled questions
Behavioral questions

31. Open ended questions “Tell me a little about yourself…”
What are your strengths?
“What do you like to do in your spare time?”
What are your interests?
NOT about your family

32. Close ended questions Specific YES or NO questions
Asked when the interviewer wants specific information,
often factual or technical in nature,
these questions can frequently
be answered with a “yes” or “no”

33. These will assess your ability to think on your feet.
Hypothetical
“What would you do if…?”
These will assess your ability to think on your feet.

34. Leading questions

35. Multi-barrelled questions

36. Behavioral questions

37. Tomorrow
Dress for an interview

38. Use your communication skills
Interviews
Group interviews
One interviewee
Four interviewers
Individual interviews
Use your communication skills
In class activity
5 points