Choices in Relationships

Choices in Relationships
CHAPTER 1 Choices in Relationships 1

Chapter 1: Choices in Relationships Introduction
Quote: It’s choice – not chance – that determines your destiny. Jean Nidetch, Founder of Weight Watchers Discussion: What is the purpose of family? How many different types of families currently exist in our society today? What are their differences and similarities?

Chapter 1: Choices in Relationships Chapter Outline
Marriage Family Differences between Marriage and Family Choices in Relationships – View of the Text Theoretical Frameworks for Viewing Marriage and the Family Research Process and Caveats The Future of Marriage Summary

Chapter 1: Choices in Relationships Introduction
Food for thought... In a nationwide study 78% of 201,818 undergraduate students at 279 colleges and universities identified “raising a family” as an essential life objective. In another study of 2,922 undergraduate students, 50% identified “happy marriage” as a top life value…even above “having a career that I love” (28%).

Marriage: Elements of Marriage
Traditional Marriage Legal Contract Emotional Relationship Sexual Monogamy Legal Responsibility for Children Announcement /Ceremony

Marriage: Elements of Marriage
Food for thought… Over 95% of U.S. adults (women - 96% and men %) aged 75 and older report having been married at least once. With regard to reasons to get married, adults point to love (93%), making a lifelong commitment (87%) and companionship (81%) rather than having children (59%) or financial stability. 80% percent of first marriages occur in a religious context. The ceremony is a joyous occasion attended by friends, family, and well wishers. No one attends an individual’s divorce.

Marriage: Benefits of Marriage
Health Spouses have fewer hospital admissions, see a physician more regularly, and are sick less often. Longevity Spouses live longer. Happiness Spouses report being happier. Sexual satisfaction Spouses report being more satisfied with their sex lives.

Money Spouses have more economic resources. Lower expenses Two can live more cheaply together than separately. Drug use Spouses have lower rates of drug use and abuse. Connectedness Spouses are connected to more individuals.

Children Rates of high school dropouts, teen pregnancies, and poverty are lower. History Spouses develop a shared history across time. Crime Spouses are less likely to be involved in crime. Loneliness Spouses are less likely to report loneliness.

Marriage: Types of Marriage
Polygamy: type of marriage involving more than two spouses. Polygyny: type of marriage involving one husband and two or more wives. Polyandry: type of marriage in which one wife has two or more husbands. Pantagamy: a group marriage in which each member of the group is “married” to the others.

Family: Definitions of Family
Challenges to the Definition U.S. Census Definition Sociological Definition Civil Unions Domestic Partnerships What is your definition of family?

Family: Definitions of Family
Food for thought… 86% percent of U.S adults say a single parent and child constitute a family; nearly as many (80%) say an unmarried couple living together with a child is a family. 63% percent say a gay or lesbian couple raising a child is a family. New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, and Iowa recognize marriages between same-sex individuals. Short of marriage; New Jersey recognizes committed gay relationships as civil unions. Some individuals view their pets as part of their family. In a Harris Poll (2007) survey of 2,455 adults, 88% regarded their pets as family members—more women (93%) than men (84%), and more dog owners (93%) than cat owners (89%).

Family: Types of Families
Family of Origin Family of Procreation Nuclear Family Traditional, Modern, and Postmodern Family Binuclear Family Blended Family Extended Family

Differences Between Marriage and Family: Changes in Marriage and the Family in the Last Sixty Years

1950 2012 Family Relationship Values Individuals who wanted to remain single or childless were considered deviant. Individuals who remain single or childfree experience social understanding and sometimes encouragement. Gender Roles Rigid gender roles Egalitarian gender roles Sexual Values Marriage was regarded as the only appropriate context for intercourse. Concerns about safer sex have taken precedence over the marital context for sex.

1950 2012 Homogamous Mating Strong social pressure existed to date and marry within one’s own racial, ethnic, religious, and social class groups. Dating and mating have become more heterogamous, with more freedom to select a partner socially different than oneself. Cultural Silence on Intimate Relationships Intimate relationships were not an appropriate subject for the media. Mass media is open about sexuality and relationships behind closed doors. Divorce Society strongly disapproved of divorce. Divorce has replaced death as the endpoint of a majority of marriages.

1950 2012 Familism vs. Individualism Families were focused on the needs of the children. Adult agenda of work and recreation have taken on an increased importance with less attention given to children. Homosexuality Same-sex emotional and sexual relationships were a culturally hidden phenomena. Gay relationships are increasingly a culturally open phenomena. Scientific Scrutiny Aside from Kinsey, few studies were conducted on intimate relationships. Acceptance of scientific study of marriage and intimate relationships. Family Housing Husbands and wives lived in the same house. Husbands and wives may “live apart together” (LAT).

Choices in Relationships: When do two people define themselves as a couple?
Chaney and Marsh (2009) interviewed 62 married and 60 cohabiting couples to find out when they first identified themselves as a couple. There were four “markers”: Relationship Events Affection/Sex Children Time/Money When did you/will you have “the talk?”

Choices in Relationships: Facts about Choices in Relationships
Not To Decide Is To Decide Not making a decision is a decision by default. Ex.: Not deciding to use birth control is deciding to have a child & staying in a “bad” relationship. Your examples? Some Choices Require Corrections Once a choice is having consistent negative consequences, it is important to make new choices, and move forward.

Choices Involve Trade-offs Every relationship choice you make will have a downside and an upside. Marriage vs. Freedom and Control Choices Include Selecting a Positive or Negative View In spite of an unfortunate event in your life, you can choose to see the bright side. Breaking up. Others? Choices Involve Different Decision-making Styles “I am in control” (45%) “I am experimenting and learning” (33%) “I am struggling but growing” (14%) “I have been irresponsible” (3%)

Choices Produce Ambivalence Choosing among options and trade-offs often creates conflicting feelings as to what course of action to take. “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them” Anxiety is normative Most Choices Are Revocable; Some Are Not Most choices can be changed. Sexual activity STD’s Other examples?

Choices of “Generation Y” (or the Millennials) Culturally different from their parents Typically more relaxed about relationship choices Choices are Influenced by the Family Life Cycle Before marriage, individualism characterizes most thinking and decisions. Making Wise Choices Is Facilitated by Learning Decision-Making Skills Steps in decision-making include evaluating the issues involved, identifying courses of action, weighing the consequences, and being attentive to your motivations.

In-class Activity On a piece of paper, quickly detail:
Your “best” relationship choice(s) and the outcome Your “worst” relationship choice(s) and the outcome Now, on your piece of paper, quickly detail: Your most difficult relationship choice(s) and the outcome Pay attention to the range of difficult relationship choices experienced by class members

Choices in Relationships: Global, Structural/Cultural, and Media Influences on Choices
Globalization “…globalization is the critical driving force that is fundamentally restricting the social order around the world, and families are at the center of this change.” Economic, political, and religious events around the world affect marriages and families. Institutions The largest elements of society are social institutions. These include: Family Economy Education Religion

Social Groups Definition: Two or more people who have a common identity, interact, and form a social relationship. Social groups may be categorized as primary or secondary. Primary groups are characterized by interaction that is intimate and informal. Secondary groups are characterized by interaction that is impersonal and formal.

Statuses The status(es) we occupy largely define our social identity. The statuses in a family may consist of mother, father, child, sibling, stepparent, and so on. Roles Every status is associated with many roles, or sets of rights, obligations, and expectations associated with a status. Social statuses identify who we are; roles identify what we are expected to do. Roles guide our behavior and allow us to predict the behavior of others. What are your statuses and the roles associated with them?

Culture Two central elements of culture are beliefs and values. Beliefs refer to definitions and explanations about what is true. Values are standards regarding what is good and bad, right and wrong, desirable and undesirable. Media TV Internet Movies Print

Choices in Relationships: Other Influences on Relationship Choices
Family of Origin Habits Personality Friends, Relationships, and Life Experience What are these factors and how do they influence your choices on a daily basis?

Theoretical Frameworks for Viewing Marriage and the Family
Theoretical Framework: a set of interrelated principles designed to explain a particular phenomenon. Social Exchange Framework Views interaction and choices in terms of cost and profit. Family Life Course Development Framework Emphasizes the important role of transitions of individuals that occur in different periods of life and in different social contexts.

Structural-Functional Framework Emphasizes how marriage and family contribute to society First, families serve to replenish society with socialized members. Second, marriage and the family promote the emotional stability of the respective spouses. Third, families provide economic support for their members.

Structure-Function Framework (Con’t.) Additional functions may include: Physical Care Regulation of Sexual Behavior Status Placement Social Control

Conflict Framework The view that individuals in relationships compete for valuable resources. Symbolic Interaction Framework Views marriages and families as symbolic worlds in which the various members give meaning to each other’s behavior. Definition of the Situation Looking-Glass Self Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Family Systems Framework Views each member of the family as part of a system and the family as a unit that develops norms of interaction. Feminist Framework Views marriage and family as contexts of inequality and oppression for women.

Research Process and Caveats: Steps in the Research Process
Identify the topic or focus of research Review the literature Develop hypotheses Decide on a method of data collection Get Institutional Review Board (IRB) approval Collect and analyze data Write up and publish results

Research Process and Caveats: Caveats to Consider in Research Quality Potential Research Problems in Marriage and Family

The Future of Marriage While marriage is a lifestyle choice, it is declining somewhat among all groups in the U.S. However, even with the decline, there is no evidence that marriage will cease to be a life goal. Six in ten “never-married” adults say they want to get married at some point.

Quick Quiz Which of the following is NOT considered one of the elements of marriage? Legal Contract Emotional Relationship Maintenance of Separate Households Legal Responsibility for Children ANS: C

Quick Quiz Which of the following is a generic term for marriage involving more than two spouses? Polygamy Monogamy Homogamy Endogamy ANS: A

Quick Quiz According to the text, what is a problem with the U.S. Census’s definition of family? It does not mention blood relation between the couple. It mentions love as a prerequisite for marriage. It does not include foster families or long-term couples (heterosexual or homosexual) that live together. It is entirely too scientific. ANS: C

Quick Quiz The family into which you were born or the family in which you were reared is referred to as your: family of procreation family of orientation family of origin nuclear family ANS: B

Quick Quiz Which of the following is considered a major change regarding marriage and families between 1950 and 2012? Egalitarian gender roles have become more common. Dating and mating have become more heterogamous. Sexuality and relationships are more visible due to the media. All of the above. ANS: D

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