1. Mining Personal Experiences For Memorable “GEMS”
Making the College Essay Work for You
Created by Rae Owens Teacher Consultant – Amended by Mrs. Van Dusen
University of California, Merced Writing Project

2. Purpose of Personal Statement
Quick Write: What do you believe is the purpose of the college application personal statement (especially UC’s)?

3. GROUP SHARE http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB4O2UXdLo0 Chart ideas
Play video from YouTube (
Keepvid.com (you can download this program to use to save youtube videos to your computer)
GROUP SHARE

4. Your personal statement is your chance to tell us who you are and what's important to you. Think of it as your opportunity to introduce yourself to the admissions and scholarship officers reading your application. Be open, be honest, be real. What you tell us in your personal statement gives readers the context to better understand the rest of the information you’ve provided in your application.
Have a student read this slide

5. Essential Question One:
In light of the purpose of the personal statement two essential questions emerge for students:
Essential Question One:
Why might knowing about my family, community, school be important to the college admission counselor?
Essential Question Two:
How can I make my personal statement stand out from the tens of thousands of other personal statements submitted?
Teacher reads intro statement on slide
Have a student read aloud essential question one
Have another student read aloud essential question two

6. Quick Write What is it like growing up in my family?
To illustrate this, choose ONE event or incident that exemplifies what it is like growing up in your family and write about it.
Make a list in your journal of possible events to write about (eg. birthdays, vacations, etc.)
Use Children’s books (eg. Wilfred Gorden McDonald Partridge by Mem Fox or The Memory Box by Mary Bahr)
Check books out from the Public Library as opposed to purchasing them
Use Pictures of events to engage students (Christmas, Thanksgiving, Birthdays, Graduation, etc.)
Chart some of the events students listed

7. Quick Write What is it like growing up in my community?
To illustrate this, choose ONE event or incident that exemplifies what it is like growing up in your community and write about it.
Make a list in your journal of possible events to write about (e.g. celebrations, neighborhood events)
Use children’s books that illustrate community events as examples
Chart some of the events students listed

8. Quick Write What is it like going to my school?
To illustrate this, choose ONE event or incident that exemplifies what it is like going to your school and write about it.
Make a list in your journal of possible events to write about
Chart some of the events students listed

9. After completing the three quick writes (family, community, school) have students choose one of these three quick writes to share with their partner
Tell students to not apologize for what they wrote nor explain what they wrote
Start out with “This is what I wrote”
Take a pole and ask how many shared family; how many shared community; how many shared school?
Ask for some reasons for the choices
PARTNER SHARE

10. Quick Write What are my dreams and aspirations?
Have a discussion about “dreams” and “aspirations”
Read a definition of these two words
Ask students this question—What type of person would you like to be?
This is more than what job do you want

11. Quick Write
What is special about me? What kind of person am I? What do I care about?
Stand Up/Sit Down Activity to illustrate that there are many people with the same qualifications and experiences that they have—so what makes them special?

12. Quick Write What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses?
Chart some possible strengths (may be similar to character traits)

13. Ready to Draft OR Pick one of your quickwrites and –
begin a draft telling about your world (family, community, or school) and how it shaped your dreams & aspirations OR
an essay about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, etc.
-Your essay must be
1 ½ - 2 pages, typed (double
spaced) or handwritten.
Handout “UC University of California—It Starts Here”
Have a students read the handout aloud (round robin)
DO NOT READ the Prompt #1 (transfer applicants)—in fact you might have students cross that one out

14. significance, interest, rhetorical effectiveness,
NEXT STEPS
Revising for clarity,
significance, interest,
rhetorical effectiveness,
detail, showing not telling, etc.
Editing for correctness.
Strategies to address these topics will be presented in “Part 2 Mining Personal Experiences for Memorable ‘GEMS’”