1. Understand your own needs
Chapter 10
Being yourself
Values and Ethics
Understand your own needs
Reach out
Conflict resolution

2. Being with yourself Self belief – self confidence
Trust – rely on someone else and they can rely on you.
Respect – you value the other person and they value you.
Empathy – you can experience another person’s feelings as if they were your own.

3. Assertiveness Framing an assertive communication
I feel…
I want…
I will…
This allows the speaker to focus on thoughts and feelings, which shows respect and empathy.

4. Consider your ethical values
You are about to take the written part of a licensing exam that you need to pass to be employed in your field. Although you’ve studied quite a bit, you’re so anxious to pass that you’re considering cheating if the opportunity arises. How does this scenario make you feel?
Newman/Tooley

5. Unethical behavior…
…has the effect of diminishing self-belief, because the person behaving this way is compromising his or her values.
A good measurement
Are you willing to see your name in the headlines of a newspaper for what you are about to do?

6. Abraham Maslow
A psychologist, proposed that people are motivated by different levels of needs depending on their circumstances.

8. Pull out a fresh piece of paper
Understanding needs
Where would place yourself on Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs?
Which level of needs are you trying to satisfy most?
List three ways you try to satisfy this need on a daily basis.
In class activity

9. Feedback in relationships
Growth depends on your ability to give feedback in a nonthreatening way and to receive feedback without being crushed by it.
Positive feedback – praise / affirmation
Negative feedback – more difficult

10. Feedback in Relationships
Giving feedback. It takes skill to give feedback in a way that is helpful.
Understand your own motivations.
Be accepting and nonjudgmental.
Be sensitive to the other person’s resistance.
Criticize behaviors, not personality.
Only discuss things that can be changed.
Don’t tell others what to do.

11. Receiving feedback No one likes to be told they are inadequate.
We protect ourselves
Defense Mechanisms

12. Defense Mechanisms
Receiving feedback. Reactions to negative feedback are often defensive.
Withdrawal
People avoid situations that are stressful
People escape – divorce, quite a job, disengage
Rationalization
Think up excuses for the unacceptable situation to make it acceptable to you

13. Displacement Fantasy Projection
Substitute another person for the person who gives you anxiety or anger
Yell at your partner or parent (safe)
Fantasy
Daydream
Provides a way to escape reality
Projection
You attribute your own unacceptable behaviors and feeling to another person.
Being rude

14. Begin with Yourself
Positive self-belief makes it easy to believe in others.
A good relationship is built on trust, respect, and empathy, which show a concern for the rights of others.
Assertiveness shows understanding of your own rights and feelings. Strike the right balance between others’ needs and yours.

15. Defending yourself
Identify which defense mechanism is being used in each situation.
A person having difficulty in school drops out.
A person criticized for poor judgment goes home and picks a fight with their husband
A person who is told he needs training decides that his manager doesn’t know what he’s doing.

16. Handling feedback positively
People who can handle feedback constructively have an opportunity to develop and grow.
Consider the person
Is the person upset or blowing off steam?
Ask for specifics
Give yourself time to react
Decided for yourself if the criticism appropriate

17. Conflict is a state of discord caused by the actual or perceived opposition of needs, values and interests. A conflict can be internal (within oneself) or external (between two or more individuals).
Wikipedia

18. Anger What causes conflict?
Difference over facts, ideas, goals, needs, attitudes, belief and personality
Anger
The result of unresolved conflict
People with negative self-belief often have an underlying attitude of hostility that is easily triggered by even more events.

19. Anger Express anger indirectly Internalizing Anger
Suppose you are mad at a customer because they are wasting your time.
You lose the customer
Internalizing Anger
Feel growing resentment
No way for the conflict to be resolved

20. Controlling Anger
You can minimize the destructiveness of anger by trying to control it!
Count to 10 – wait!
Figure out why you are angry
Channel your anger into physical exercise
Take a deep breath
Find someone who will listen and provide constructive suggestion

21. Resolving Conflict Commit yourself to resolving the problem.
Ask yourself what you hope to achieve by resolving the conflict.
Make sure both sides have the same understanding of the reason for the conflict.
Be assertive, not aggressive.
Try to keep to the facts.