1. Agenda To Get: To Do: Handouts from back shelf
Markers/crayons/colored pencils
To Do:
Opener Drawing
Definitions
Lecture
Need for Affiliation
Interpersonal Attraction
Being Good-Looking Reading
Exit Slip

2. Opener Drawing – 20 minutes max!
Draw and annotate a caricature of you ideal intimate partner. Keep it respectable!
Be sure to include what you personally find attractive in the listed areas below:
Hair color
Eye color
Height
Weight
Body shape
Personality
Education
Job
Hobbies/Interests

5. Define Terms – 10 minutes Need to Affiliate Social comparison
Downward comparison
Upward comparison
Interpersonal attraction
Homogamy
Self-disclosure
Social exchange
Social exchange theory
Comparison level

6. The Need for Affiliation – Come Together
Affiliation helps meet the needs for approval, support, friendship, and information.
Affiliation can also alleviate fear and anxiety
In situations of uncertainty and possible pain, we prefer to share the experience with others in the same situation rather than going it alone
Misery loves company?

7. Social Comparison Theory
Being social allows us to judge ourselves and our place in the world
Lacking objective measures; we tend to compare ourselves to others
Sports, job, education, family roles, taking exams, etc.
Meaningful evaluations are based on comparing yourself with people of similar backgrounds, abilities, and circumstances.
Desire for social comparison influences what social groups we choose to join
Helps us feel good about ourselves
Requires a consideration of relative ability
I was one of the top hurdlers in Kentucky, once I got to the college level, I was less than average! 
Downward comparisons reflect our desire for self-protection or self- enhancement “I may be ugly but at least I don’t look like Steve Buscimi.”
Upward comparisons happen, but often can just make you feel bad.
Sometimes used for self improvement
Works best when measured against someone just a little better than you

8. Downward Comparison?
Upward Comparison?

9. Social comparison theory holds that desires for self-evaluation, self-protection, and self-enhancement provide motives for associating with others.

10. Interpersonal Attraction – Social Magnetism?
Interpersonal attraction is the basis for most voluntary social relationships
Deciding if we like someone can happen quickly, sometimes within minutes of meeting them (all of my life-long friendships happened this way – “friendship” at first sight?)
Several factors influence attraction
Physical Proximity
Physical Attractiveness
Competence
Similarity
Self-Disclosure
Gendered friendships
Social Exchange Theory

11. Physical Proximity
The closer people live to each other the, the more likely they are to become friends
Dating partners follow a similar pattern; marriages are not made in heaven but rather in schools, businesses, churches, bars, clubs, and neighborhoods.
Increases frequency of contact – the more we around someone, the more we tend to increase our attraction (getting to know someone)
In the case of meeting someone online – your frequent the same sites, chatrooms, games, etc.
My wife and I worked together for six years, taught the same subject and had classrooms right next to each other
So much for the romance…

12. Physical Attractiveness
People considered good-looking benefit from the halo effect – the tendency to assume that attractive people are also likable, intelligent, warm, witty , mentally healthy, and socially skilled
False impression that “what is beautiful is good”
This is the reason Hollywood leads are attractive people and villains are NOT.
So what about Steve Buscemi? He tends to die A LOT!
Attractive people are not considered to be more honest or concerned with the welfare of others
In reality there is no connection between attractiveness and intelligence, talents and abilities.
In romance, men tend to place more emphasis on physical beauty, women place more emphasis on personality
Beauty is a factor mainly in initial acquaintance, later more substantial personal qualities become more important.

14. Halo Effect

15. Competence
People who are competent have knowledge or ability
We are more attracted to people who are talented or competent
Overall, studies have shown competent people with flaws appear to be the most attractive
(Jewel video)

16. Closest friends tend to be similar in age, sex, and ethnicity
Similarity
Closest friends tend to be similar in age, sex, and ethnicity
Exceptions exists, but most people follow this pattern
From marriage to casual acquaintance
It is REINFORCING to see our beliefs and attitudes shared by others; proves we are “RIGHT” in our view of the world
Homogamy – finding a mate that is similar to ourselves in many ways
Age, education, ethnicity, and religion
too a lesser degree: attitudes, opinions, mental abilities, status, height, weight, and eye color.
Risk of divorce is highest among couples with sizable differences in age and education.

17. “I didn’t marry you for your looks…” – Mr. B’s wife

19. We “reveal” ourselves more to those we find attractive
Self-Disclosure
Revealing private thoughts and feelings is essential for developing close relationships.
We “reveal” ourselves more to those we find attractive
Requires a degree of trust
Governed by unspoken rules
Moderate disclosure leads to reciprocity
Over disclosure causes suspicion and reduces attraction (seen as weird or creepy)
Exceeds what is appropriate for a relationship or social situation
TMI too soon!
Gendered Friendships (North America)
Male to Male relationships tend to be activity based
Men live their friendships side-to-side
Female to Female relationships tend to be based on shared feelings and confidences
Women live their friendships face-to-face

20. Social Exchange Theory
Relationships can be seen as an on-going series of exchange
Transfers of attention, information, affection, and favors
We unconsciously try to maximize “rewards” verse the “costs” of being with someone long-term
Comparison level may determine whether or not we see a relationships as healthy
A lonely person might stay in an unhealthy relationship
A person with many past relationships may leave as past experiences my tell them a better partner may exist

21. Reading: How being extremely good looking changes you as a person…
1. By the nature of someone’s good-looks, people treat them _________________. 2. For good-looking people this can shape many facets of their lives; such as…. 3. What are three universally accepted qualities of someone who is attractive? 4. Based on evolution, this may have been a way to asses the _____________ of a potential mate. 5. Attractiveness is actually determined by the amount of _____________ a person has; the fewer the better. 6. Less physical things such as _______, ___________, and ___________ can also make someone appear attractive. 7. Being considered attractive generally means that other people treat you ______. 8. I tis not that unattractive people are viewed more ______________ , they just aren’t viewed as _________________ as their prettier counterparts. 9. We stand the chance of being ___________ when placing personality judgements solely on appearance. 10 Name two downsides to being an attractive person. 11. How do less attractive people tend to see attractive people (to alleviate insecurities) 12. What are some ways non-attractive folks can off set their genetic appearance?

22. If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life…
What is the advice provided in the song?
What were the benefits of ugly over pretty in this song?