1. A Little Bit of Writing Instruction
Examples from your
a Raisin in the Sun Essays

2. Set Up
Get our your notebook. On a new piece of paper, make a two column chart (or a T- Chart or whatever you call it).
On the left hand side of the chart, title it “My Corrections” and on the right hand side title it “Essay Writing Issue”.

3. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (headers)
This appears on the top of the first page of the essay MLA headers
(on top left) =
Ernest Hemingway
Mr. Keller
English 2 Block Class
March 6th, 2019
(& then down a bit on the right) = Hemingway, 1

4. Fix The Following Sentence/Passage (headers)
This appears on the top left of the second page of the essay as the only MLA header on the page.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Mr. Keller
English 2 Block Class
March 6th, 2019

5. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (repetition & set up)
Here are two sentences is from the topic regarding Mama’s influence (the first being the very beginning of the paragraph).
“Mama throughout the course of the play is very influential in a positive way towards many of the characters over the course of the play.”
“Mama influences her family throughout the whole entire story.”

6. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (rep., set up, indent.)
This sentence is from the very beginning of a paragraph based on Mama’s influence, (it starts at the left margin by the way).
“Mama is the character in the play that holds everything together, without her the family would fall apart.”

7. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (wording)
This is the student’s first sentence of the paragraph in response to the question about the relevance of the play today.
“Many do agree and disagree that the play is not relevant in today’s world.”

8. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (rep. & cap.)
This sentence is from a paragraph based on Mama’s influence on other characters.
“…the insurance money all belongs to mama. With this fact, she is able to use the money to positively influence her family buy using the money to buy a new house.”

9. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (word ch. & 1st per.)
This sentence is in response to the question referring to Langston Hughes’ poem.
“His poem relates to a lot of characters but I believe it most relates to Walter.”

10. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (2nd person)
This sentence is in response to the question referring to Hansberry’s play’s relevance.
“Today, we easily see inequality in the news, especially because we live near Chicago. The first thing that one can tell is how often African Americans end up in poverty vs. white people.”

11. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (2nd per. & cap.)
This sentence is from the topic regarding Mama’s influence on other characters.
“She taught him you have to consider others before yourself and do what’s best for your family. The Liquor store in my opinion wasn’t a good idea…”

12. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (wording & rep.)
These are a few sentences from the various topics:
“Walter Younger is a low class guy, living in a small and packed house, with lots of stress on his mind.”
“When Walter’s dream was deferred, he felt as if he was nobody and that nobody understands him.”
“…by making crucial family decisions and using strict…(next sentence) One of these crucial family decisions was….”
“She influenced many people throughout the play, her family being influenced the most. She influenced Walter when he lost all the money…”

13. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (word choice & rep.)
Here is a sentences from the topic regarding Mama’s influence on other characters.
“…but she also feels that a lot of the stuff they do can be considered morally wrong by her standards.”
“The Youngers are seen arguing, and fighting, and even physically fighting.”

14. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (1st person & contrad.)
Here is a sentences from the topic about whether the play is still relevant today.
“The play takes place during 1950’s and 60’s which is not too long ago. That in my opinion is the only part of this place that is outdated.”

15. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (word choice & s.i.o.)
Here is a couple sentences from the topic regarding the message of A Raisin in the Sun.
“…Beneatha wants it to go towards her college fund & Mama rightfully wants to buy a house. The money begins to tear the family a part & isn’t until… ”
“Racism has gotten worse + can cause many problem…As for wars, troops are in different countries + can ultimately…”

16. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (avoid absolutes)
This is the student’s first sentence of the paragraph in response to the question about Mama’s influence on the family.
“Everybody has some form of moral compass in their life, whether it is religion or a loved one.”

17. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (2nd per. & avoid ab.)
This is the student’s first sentence of the paragraph in response to the question about Mama’s influence on the family.
“Throughout life, your mother/grandma is a main support source of you and your life. In The Raisin in the Sun, the Youngers live in a crappy apartment….”

18. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (rep., w.c., qu. set up)
This is from a paragraph regarding the connection of Hughes’ poem to the play.
“By asking if it is drying up, it is asking if it disappears slowly over time. “Son, I gave you sixty-five hundred dollars. Is it gone?”

19. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (quote set up)
This is from a paragraph regarding the Mama’s influence on other characters.
“She tends to take control over most of the decision, specifically dealing with the money. In the text it states, “It took three years but you finally got it said.”

20. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (w.c. & ref. the work)
Here are three different sentences at the beginning of various topics.
“In the novel A Raisin in the Sun, money management is one of the important lessons…”
“In the play “Raisin in the Sun” by Lorraine Hansberry, critics may think that…”
In the play “A Raisin in the Sun” by Lorraine….

21. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (flattery)
Here are two passages from the topic about the relevance of the play in today’s times.
“Lorraine Hansberry is a wonderful author who left a great message.”
“A Raisin in the Sun will forever leave an impact on those who have read it.”

22. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (conf. in statements)
Here are two passages from the topic about the Mama’s influence on other characters.
“Mama takes possibly the largest role…”
“Mama, though sometimes too harsh maybe, will stop at nothing….”

23. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (form., need to vary)
Here’s an example of how several students started each of their three paragraphs.
“In the play A Raisin in the Sun by Lorraine Hansberry…”

24. Fix The Following Sentence/ Passage (neatness)
I was going to show you a passage from Lukas Wenz’s essay but nobody could possibly read it so I won’t bother.