1. Keeping Calm: Understanding Children’s Sexual Behaviors
Betsy Cocos, MSW, LMFT, LCSW

2. What We Will Cover: What is Normal?
What is Normal for Your Child and Why?
How to Help

3. Icebreaker
Jot down one or two words that describe how you feel about this topic
Feel free to share if you wish
Feel free to not share
At the end we will repeat this and compare

4. What is Normal Sexual Behavior?
What do you think is normal sexual behavior for these age groups?
Preschool and Kindergarten
1st and 2nd Grade
3rd through 5th Grade
6th and 7th Grade
BETSY: Ask audience to break up into groups of four of five. Each group take about up to ten minutes to discuss and answer the question for your assigned age group. Then, report out to the large group your answers. Ask the group for feedback and provide some feedback.

5. What is “Normal”?
Usual, human sexual development A child’s sexual behaviors can be a normal reaction to an abnormal situation What is an abnormal situation?
I am adding that sometimes children have sexualized behaviors that are normal reactions for them given the abnormal situation which they have been exposed to HOLD UP BOOKLET AND SHOW PAGES PRESCHOOL TO PRETEEN. ****Tell them that they will receive a booklet with normal sexual behaviors outlined, and “of concern behaviors” and “seek professional help” outlined.

6. Abnormal Situations Sexual Abuse
Exposure to sexually explicit environment
Learned Behavior
Poor Boundaries
These are some reasons why children may engage in sexualized behaviors. NOT an exhaustive list.

7. Reasons why Children may engage in Sexualized Behaviors
Confusion
Overstimulated
Compulsive or Compulsion to touch
Reduction of anxiety
Way to connect to others
Repeatedly touching of self or others sexually
Reenactment: doing what was done to them to understand and/or have a different outcome
Touching of sexual parts or touching things in a sexual way. Often this happens by repeatedly touching of self or others sexually or is a reenactment of doing what was done to them.

8. Sexual Safety Kit
1. Be calm – If you can’t be calm, find someone who can
2. Children’s sexualized behaviors are not equal to adult’s sexualized behaviors
3. Whole Child: strengths of the child; what is endearing about the child; what it special about this child
They are not equal in their emotions, desires, practices or beliefs. Children do these for different reasons (confusion, etc…) *** Car and 5 year old with keys to the car story****

9. Sexual Safety Kit 4. House Rules / Clear Boundaries
Activity: Come up with two House Rules to keep your family sexually safe

10. An example of House Rules / Clear Boundaries
Sexual Safety Kit
An example of House Rules / Clear Boundaries
You need a person’s permission to enter their bedroom. Permission is needed from an adult or caretaker if the bedroom belongs to a young child.
Bedroom doors are open except when changing clothes. Undressing / changing clothes is done in a bathroom or bedroom. Only one person at a time.
One person at a time in the bathroom. Adult or caretaker can help a younger child.
No one touches another person’s private areas.
Adjust the rules accordingly so that everyone is safe.

11. Sexual Safety Kit 5. Taking care of yourself
Be kind and gentle to yourself
Be aware of your own triggers
Get the support and help that you deserve
Specifically, if this triggers anyone’s own personal history of sexual abuse.

12. Closing Activity
Jot down one or two words that describes how you feel about this topic
Feel free to share if you wish
Feel free to not share

13. Resources
Other materials by Toni Cavanagh Johnson, Ph.D. can be ordered at:
NCTSN: The National Child Traumatic Stress Network.
Sexual Development and Behavior in Children
Understanding and Coping with Sexual Behavior Problems in Children

14. Resources www.Coalitionforcyf.org
Child Welfare Information Gateway

15. Questions?