1. Genderlect Styles of Deborah Tannen
In Em Griffin’s
A First Look at Communication Theory
Third Edition,Chapter 34

2. CLICKER QUESTION #1 (A.)TRUE OR (B.)FALSE
Tannen believes that all men speak in a male style and all women speak in a female style.

3. CLICKER QUESTION # 2
According to Tannen, men and women ask questions for exactly the same reasons.
A = TRUE
B = FALSE

4. QUESTION #3: Report Talk
Report talk refers to the female style of informing people.
A = TRUE
B = FALSE

5. “Male-female conversation is cross-cultural communication.” (p. 447)
Female and male styles of conversation are equally valid
Men are not trying to dominate women
Women are not trying to manipulate men
There are feminine and masculine styles of discourse--like 2 cultural dialects

6. The Movie: “When Harry Met Sally”

7. Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is
that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.

8. Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not!

9. Sally Albright: They do not. Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.

10. Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is
ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

11. When Harry Met Sally Vs. Two individuals quarreling about sex
What sex means to the parties involved
Vs.
Harry might regard Sally as a resident of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood
Sally might see Harry as coming from the Planet of the Apes or Animal House
Sally wants intimacy
Harry wants independence

12. Feminine Focus/Masculine Focus According to Tannen
women seek human connection
men are concerned mainly with status
boys & men are working hard to preserve their independence
girls and women feel it is crucial to be liked by their peers
Vs.
men are jockeying for position on a hierarchy of competitive accomplishment
symmetrical connections
asymmetrical status

13. BEING ONE UP
BEING CONNECTED

14. Report Talk vs. Rapport Talk
MALE
FEMALE
Public Speaking
Private Speaking
Vs.
Telling a story
Telling a story
Listening
Listening
Asking Questions= Meaning 2
Asking Questions = Meaning 1
Conflict=Meaning 2
Conflict= Meaning 1

15. Private Speaking [Tannen finds that]“. . . women talk more than
men in private conversations ” (p. 451)
“. . . Sally’s rapport style of relating doesn’t transfer well to the public arena where men vie for ascendancy and speak much more than women.” (p. 451)

16. LISTENING
“Whereas women’s cooperative overlaps frequently annoy men by seeming to co-opt their topic, men frequently annoy women by usurping or switching the topic.”9 (p. 452)

17. Public Speaking
“Harry’s lecture style is typical of the way men seek to establish a ‘one up’ position.” (p. 451)
“Men’s monologue style of communication is appropriate for report, but not for rapport.” (p. 451)

18. Telling a Story
“Men’s humorous stories have a can-you-top-this? Flavor that serves to hold attention and elevate the storyteller above his audience.”452)
“On the other hand, women tend to express their desire for community by telling stories about others. On rarer occasions when a woman is a character in her own narrative, she usually describes herself as something foolish rather than acting in a clever manner.” (p. 452)

19. LISTENING
“ Woman listening to a story or explanation tends to hold eye contact, to offer head nods, and to react with ‘yeah, uh-huh, mnnn, right” or other responses that indicate ‘I’m listening’ or ‘I’m with you.’” (p. 452)
“When a woman who is listening starts to speak before the other person is finished, she usually does so to add a word of agreement, to show support, or to finish a sentence with what she thinks the speaker will say. Tannen labels this ‘cooperative overlap.’ ” (p. 452)

20. Women Asking Questions
To establish a connection
To soften the sting of potential disagreement
For information in a way that validates the other’s expertise

21. Men Asking Questions
Asking a question whittles away at the image of self-sufficiency
Men ask questions of the expert to engage in verbal sparing
Public face is important to men

22. Men & Conflict
Since life is a contest, men are more comfortable with conflict than are women
Men are less likely to hold themselves in check
Men have an early warning system that detects signs that they are being told what to do

23. Women & Conflict in a 2-couple setting p. 453
Conflict is a threat to connection
To be avoided