1. Can you write a better title? Strunk and White: “Revise and Rewrite”
Middle initial shows up in Web of Science and Google Scholar: be consistent
Can you write a better title?
Strunk and White: “Revise and Rewrite”
This paper predicts the response of cardiac tissue to current injection by a single extracellular electrode, as might occur during pacing.
Current injection into an anisotropic bidomain causes adjacent regions of depolarization and hyperpolarization
Active voice “we use”
Passive voice “is used”
Last author: senior group leader
First author: person who does most of the work
The Elements of Style, by William Strunk and E. B. White.
Abstract: intro, methods, results, discussion
This abstract needs an introductory sentence. Write one.
abstract in 3rd person
Active or passive voice?
Avoid acronyms. Don’t say “bidomain model (BM)”
“through” “thru” or “threw”
Goal statement,
Often at start of last paragraph of introduction
First person “we must determine how cardiac tissue responds”
Third person “how cardiac tissue responds must be determined”
Strunk and White: “Use the active voice”
“its” or “it’s”?
indent paragraphs
“than” or “then”?
Definite article: “the”
Indefinite article: “a”, “an”
“an honor” “a unique”
pompous
Passive voice. rewrite
In this case, “their” is correct
“latter” not “later”
What’s Wrong With These Equations by N. David Mermin, Physics Today, October 1989, 9-11.
“that” or “which”?
“it explains”
“that” defining (restrictive)
“which” nonrestricitve
In this case, “that” is correct.
Present or past tense?
Smaller font: A Biophysical Journal rule
What is this?
Be consistent!
References, common in introduction
“pair” “pear” “pare”?
Avoid passive voice.
Rewrite as active
Divide words between syllables
Don’t need to say “respectively” in obvious case like this. Sounds pompous to my ear.
Do NOT indent or capitalize
Serial comma
“a, b, c, and d”
“steady-state” or “steady state”?
The bidomain model represents cardiac tissue by two…
“Although” phrase doesn’t follow logically. All the experiments listed are macroscopic.
their, they’re, there?
comma?
Number ALL equations
Symbols in italics

2. Strunk and White: Omit needless words
Reword
In steady state
Units NOT in italics
Dot not needed
Define all symbols
Punctuate equations (Mermin)
What is weak about this sentence?
“Because” or “Since”
Should be “that”
Good Samaritan Rule
(Mermin)
“which” or “that”
OK to use sentence fragment as “title” of figure.
Sentence fragment
What is wrong?
We assume the…
“Here” or “Hear”?
rewrite
Should we define all these specialized terms?
“eight-node” or “8-node”?
“principle” is a mistake!
“principle” or “principal”?
reword
Close enough, no Good Samaritan Rule needed
of both
Is “factors” the best word?
“No one has performed a…” Or
“No one has quantified these parameters…”
What is wrong with this sentence?
“data” is plural, so it is “these data”
“this data” or “these data”?
“previous calculations (7,15)” or “(7,15)”?
I prefer “previous calculations (7,15)”
pompous
Better wording?
exists
“which” is correct here
“which” or “that”?
Good Samaritan Rule
Nice example of how to include math in text
wordy
“use” or “utilize”?
I hate “utilize”
Strunk and White: “Avoid fancy words”
Is “only” in the right spot?
We need to analyze only
one quarter…
Hard to include an inline equation this big
What is wrong with these numbers?
I would prefer they all had the same exponent:
2 x 10-5 would be better as 0.2 x 10-4.
“to” “two” “too”?
“If…then”
Please leave space between number and unit

3. Don’t put units in italics
“generated automatically”
Is “also” in the right place?
Always give units!
Minus, hyphen, or dash?
Why? Proofread
Nice!
Be sure to double check the spelling of names. You don’t want to misspell the name of your reviewer!
Slip into past tense
“were” or “we’re”?
reword
Sentence fragment
The bidomain conductivities in Table 1 are from Plonsey and Barr (7,10).”
What is wrong?
In text, we used a lower case
phi. This happened because
figures were hand-drawn at that time.

4. i.e. “that is”
e.g. “for example”
and others
Running title

5. pompous
“Muler and Markin (8) examined the extreme case of reciprocal anisotropy, and their work…”
Good Samaritan Rule at work
“among” or “between”?
“fewer” or “less”
Grammar error?
“that” should be “the”
Proofread!!!
“many” or “much”
“were taken” or “are”
Could use math symbols, but I am glad we didn’t
Strunk and White:
Omit needless words!!
“analytic” or “analytical”?
What does “this” refer to?

6. Wikswo taught me to use “Figure” if it is the first word of the sentence, but journals use their own format.
“Fig.” or “Figure”
“do not have equal”
“have unequal”
Strunk and White: “Put statements in positive form”
Careful with the word “obvious”. Don’t insult the reader. Not too bad in this case.
OMIT NEEDLESS WORDS!
“effect” “influence”
“presence” or “presents”
Good Samaritan
“…when two current sources are at the origin”
Mistake?
“unequal anisotropy ratios”
Can you improve?
“contains” “illustrates” “presents”
Strunk and White: “The writer who has a definite meaning to express will not take refuge in such vagueness”
reword
“Muler and Markin (8) studied this case using…”
improve
Tell story
“Three-dimensional plots of the transmembane potential, corresponding to Fig. 3 (c, f, i).”
“alternate” “alternative”
“whether” “weather”
“whether” “if”
Useful here
Can you improve?

8. Improve?
“At even larger values of r, however, the transmembrane potential may approach…”
colon
“The Fourier integral formulation shows that…”
Improve?
“applied cathodally”
Mistake?
“Length…depends”
“octupole”
Another spelling error
“are not” or “aren’t”
Don’t use contractions in formal writing

9. “I turned my homework in to Dr. Roth”
“effect” “affect”?
Got the spelling of “principal” right this time!
Problem?
Reword?
“…data agree with...”
Strunk and White: “do not overwrite”
Figure 14 shows…for the cases of...”
Dangling participle
semicolon
Comma inside quotes
Delete “very”.
Strunk and White: “avoid the use of qualifiers”
Unnecessary words?
“in to” or “into”?

10. Typo.
Proofread!
Not needed
Corresponding to what?

11. Mistake?
Proofread or you will be embarrassed later.

12. awkward
reword
Nicer table

14. Strunk and White: “write with nouns and verbs”
Use strong verbs!
Strunk and White: “write with nouns and verbs”
Strunk and White say to avoid the feeble phrase “one of the most”
“One of our most surprising results is that…”
Reword?
“These theoretical predictions need to be verified experimentally.”
reword
See the mistake?
Acknowledgments:
Tell who gave you the money to do the research
“National Institutes of Health”
Published May 1989
Strunk and White: “Be Clear”