1. WHAT’S “HAPPY” GOT TO DO WITH IT? Deborah Gilboa, MD

2. Chores are the canary in the coal mine of kids’ character…

3. Parents feel pressure to help with stress their kids face.

4. hap·pi· ness: noun good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy
INGREDIENTS:
Confidence
Competence
Relationships
hap·pi· ness: noun

5. 3 obstacles to Raising kids of great character
Focus on achievement
Making kids happy
Solving problems for our children they can learn to solve for themselves.

6. “Happiness Now” Pressure
Unattainable
Conflicts with resilience
Removes opportunity for resilience “practice”
Causes us to change the narrative to support everything being ok
Limits the resources we offer
We’re terrible at predicting it for others

7. Teens and kids are engaged, passionate and admirable.

8. HOW DOES FAILURE HELP? independence → confidence Leads to competence
Builds relationship
Teaches resilience. 8

9. WHY DO ADULTS SAY NO? Love Fear Guilt Genuine enjoyment responsibility
Future consequences
Relationship rupture
Guilt

10. THE COST
“Students who reported having over-controlling parents reported significantly higher levels of depression and less satisfaction with life. Furthermore, the negative effects of helicopter parenting on college students’ well-being were largely explained by the perceived violation of students’ basic psychological needs for autonomy and competence.”

11. CULTURE OF “SUCCESSFUL” FAMILIES
Myth:
“Only I can fix this!”
Truth:
Failure must be experienced.

12. When-not-if Language Set Remove Model Set expectations
Model the cycle
Remove
Remove the premise of failure
Set
Set expectations
When-not-if Language

14. RESILIENCE
Mistakes
Praise
Life lessons
Choices
Risk-taking
Resources!

15. 5 protective factors in resilience
social competence
problem-solving skills
Autonomy
sense of purpose
use of storytelling
5 protective factors in resilience

16. “That’s a pretty fine fix you’ve gotten yourself into there, kiddo.
I’ll be interested to see what you do to get yourself out.”

17. Empathy,
most often without intervention.

18. Change a Behavior This Week E-course!
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