1. Managing Conflict
The Pipeline
Sam Gilpin – June 2019

2. Objective: Helping us increase our ability to handle conflict effectively

3. Increase insight into how we manage conflict
Develop tools and techniques for handling conflict
Develop tools and techniques for handling conflict
Identify ways we can make our organisations more inclusive
Identify ways we can make our organisations more inclusive

4. agenda for today’s session
Intros, ground rules, peer coaching
My conflict signature
Conscious conflict
Power and prejudice

5. What is coaching? One definition:
Using conversation – listening as well as speaking – to help other people achieve their goals by helping them change the way they think, feel and/or act

6. What is great coaching?
Be present, connect and form a confidential relationship – enabling someone to open themselves up to change
Be present, connect and form a confidential relationship – enabling someone to open themselves up to change
Insight into what is really going on and willing to challenge in a sensitive way – enabling someone to see things in a different way
Insight into what is really going on and willing to challenge in a sensitive way – enabling someone to see things in a different way
Focused on action – enabling the change to happen
Focused on action – enabling the change to happen

7. My Conflict Signature
Please spend 5 minutes reflecting on a conflict situation where you did not get the outcome you wanted
What was the context?
What was your response (fight, flight, freeze)?
How was the outcome different to what you wanted?
How typical is this of your conflict signature (your default approach to a conflict situation)?

8. Conflict basics

9. What are the causes of conflict?
CAUSE OF CONFLICT
TOOLS TO EXPLORE / UNDERSTAND
We are different (thinking styles, values etc)
Personality psychometrics
We want different things
Negotiation tools
We have different approaches to conflict
Conflict tools (e.g. Thomas Killman Inventory)
We are trying to solve a problem that cannot be solved
Polarity management
We are under pressure
Understanding how we behave under pressure (e.g. SDI); managing stress (resilience)

10. Seven rules of good fights
Be careful how you begin a conflict discussion – if you start gently and thoughtfully you are much more likely to get to a successful outcome
Be careful how you begin a conflict discussion – if you start gently and thoughtfully you are much more likely to get to a successful outcome
Use “we / us” language not “you / I” language
Use “we / us” language not “you / I” language
Address conflict early – do not let negative feelings or misunderstandings fester
Address conflict early – do not let negative feelings or misunderstandings fester
Some issues are intractable – in which case it’s not about a “solution”, it’s about maintaining the relationship
Some issues are intractable – in which case it’s not about a “solution”, it’s about maintaining the relationship
Listen actively – genuinely try to understand the other person’s position
Listen actively – genuinely try to understand the other person’s position
Maintain a healthy positive: negative comment ratio (3:1 in business; 5:1 in marriages; above 10:1 and you’ll avoid tough conversations)
Maintain a healthy positive: negative comment ratio (3:1 in business; 5:1 in marriages; above 10:1 and you’ll avoid tough conversations)
Try to say what you want people to do NOT what you want people not to do (“I like it when you…”)
Try to say what you want people to do NOT what you want people not to do (“I like it when you…”)

11. Great relationships UNDERSTANDING & EMPATHY
Deep appreciation of the other person and their reality
Insight into make-up, motivations and goals
Acceptance of the feelings and reactions of others
ASSUMPTION: It is not easy to understand other people’s reality and I have to work hard to achieve that

12. Great relationships RESPECT
Confidence and positive belief in the other party
Create the conditions to allow you to ‘respect’ difference
Respect yourself or you will always look for fault in others
ASSUMPTION: Everyone, including me, has something of value to contribute

13. Great relationships POSITIVE INTENT
Commitment to mutual advantage – aligned outlook and goals
See the‘possibility’of the person
Be there for the other person
ASSUMPTION: There is abundance in the world

14. Great relationships TRUST & CANDOUR
Open expression of views and emotions
Differences faced directly
Consistency between agreed and actual behaviours – Promises kept
ASSUMPTION: I care so much I put everything on the table and do what I say

15. Conscious Conflict
Please reflect on the following questions about the conflict situation you discussed earlier
Which of the Conflict Tools did you apply in the conflict situation you reflected on earlier?
Which Conflict tools could you draw on more?

18. Power and Prejudice Please reflect on the following questions:
What are the exclusion dynamics around conflict that you have observed in your organisation?
How can you change your organisation to make it safer for people with less power to assert themselves?
In your pair please spend ten minutes sharing and coaching each other

19. Thank You